My Shih Tzu’s name is Helium. I can’t let him off the leash for a minute.
The poor girl! She inadvertently walked into a cascade of glue and shredded felt and now she’s all flocked up about the whole thing!
My wife’s OBGYN apparently put himself through school working in a deli. When our son was born, he asked, “It’s a little over seven pounds, would that be all right?”
I traveled through the night, signposts and billboards counting the miles as I drew further from the scene of the crime. It was only when the State Trooper’s lights were shining into my eyes did I realize the remains of the drifter were still clinging to the bumper.
Joe and Pete were shoveling coal into Hell’s Furnace, when Joe said, “Things could be worse.” The demon guarding them offered, “We have a suggestion box.”
I once had a girl or should I say she once had me. I suspect the early british wouldn’t have thought this viking love story was quite so nice.
I sat down for lunch today at this little stand called, “Mister Dopey’s.” Two hours later, the cook came up and asked me, for the sixth time, “What was that you ordered, again?”
Once upon a time there was a princess who lived happily ever after. The end.
Once upon a time there was an End who had no means. This just goes to show that it isn’t always true.
Dr. Frankenstein was hoping to build a duplicate Tony Bennett, when the experiment ground to a halt. Despondent, he realized he’d left his brain in San Francisco.
Confucius stood at the apex of the corner and gazed down the Mulsanne straight waiting for the cars. “He who brakes too fast, finishes last.”, he muttered.
What’s Number 3 on the list of things Dave Brubeck least likes to hear? “Oh, they’re kinda playing our song.”
Once upon a time. The end.
(My son came up with that when he was eight years old. That’s my boy. Which leads me to…)
It’s the skeeviest, dirtiest, craziest scheme I’ve ever heard. That’s my boy.
“Mos Eisley spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. It’s good to be home.”
Nine Surrealists tried to change a light bulb. My watch melted.
She strutted into the office like a hundred dollar hooker with “Hi ya sailor” eyes and legs that went all the way up. A blind man could have seen that Mom hadn’t changed a bit.
The malfunction was so innocuous that the server’s diagnostics didn’t register it. We were watching the zebras in the holodeck when we felt the scorching breath of the lioness over the heat of the African sun and as she leapt upon us knew the safeties were off…
Inspired by a Ray Bradbury short story
Number 3 in the line-up had to be some kind of mental case. He pointed right at the woman making the ID and hollered, “That’s her, that’s her, I’d recognize that purse anywhere!”
LOL Nice one, Burpo!
She carried herself with a grace that could only come from years of training and a certain sang froid. Inside, she knew it was only a matter of time before the cameras would begin to flash, the world would know she was a fraud, and yet she could not let them see her sweat, no matter the outcome.
The man on the gurney asked the doctor, “You said all of your patients were extremely satisfied, didn’t you?” The reply: "I said, “No one’s ever complained.’”