Two Years Of My Life.....Is it Worth It?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Situation:

For two years you have been intrigued by a member of the opposite sex. For months at a time, you seemed to be on the edge of an actual relationship, but each time, you pulled back or would halt it in some way. You were so frightened of the possibilty of a true meaningful relationship that you used every excuse possible to pull back, even other people or superficial relationships as an escape. And what if, right as it seemed you could finally be with that person, he decides that he is sick of waiting? And pulls back, avoids you everywhere-online, at school, in public? What if your mutual friends gently tell you to move on? You do, and are fine without…but you still want to maintain a friendship that might enable you to continue where you left off. He begins to talk to you again, mostly trying to hurt you with cruel things, but more and more positive instead of hurtful.

Here is my true question: I think that it’s worth it to pursue at least an acquaintance-like relationship. What do you think I should do?

2

Quit beating around the bush. Don’t use one type of relationship as a possible gateway to another. Figure out what you’re really after–take as long as you need to–and pursue it with all of your being. That’s what I’d do in that situation, anyway.

3

I don’t mean to be rude; indeed, I don’t know you at all, so simply take this as a question, and nothing more. If you were to get to the place you were, if you were to reestablish the closeness you had, and push yourself to the edge of your feelings, would you be able to handle it? Would you be able to vault into a relationship, or would you hold yourself back as you have in the past? One’s psychology doesn’t generally change without cause. Whatever has been holding you back may well still exist.

My advice, then, is as follows. Again, I don’t fully know the entirety of the situation, and I’m as single as they come (despite my best efforts). Oddly, though, all my friends who ask for–and take–my advice seem to be doing just grandly. Strange, innit?

Anywhoo, my advice here is this: search yourself. Find out what you really want. If you’re unable to handle the closeness, and you try to get it like it was, it may just make him more angry than he already was, and may make the gap between you greater and possibly insurmountable.

If you are able to handle it, ease your way into it slowly, and show–not through words, but through deeds–that you are capable of making the committment that you have failed to make in the past. I’m not entirely certain how you’d go about that, but try.

In either of those cases, though, I would most strongly advise trying to renew your friendship. If you were as close as you claim to be, then the friendship ought to be worth more than the disagreements you’ve had, more than the troubles you’ve been through, and more than the romantic niggles you’ve met with. Friendships transcend such things[sup]1[/sup]. IMHO (and this is IMHO, and my O is indeed most H), this is a time for glasnost and perestroika, openness and restructuring. Be honest. Be willing to work to repair any damage that may have occurred. And be willing to change if and only if you believe it is worth changing.

Just an opinion. I would, however, like to know how things work out, if they do.

[sup]1[/sup]If he’s being hurtful right now, simply because you weren’t ready for a relationship, then–and I hesitate to suggest this, for again, I lack familiarity with the situation–perhaps your friendship wasn’t as secure as you thought. Perhaps he wasn’t the sort of a person with whom one would want to be in a relationship.

4

I’ll be seeing him next period…

Thanks for all advice so far-it has been and will be always taken into thoughtful consideration.

Mysphyt said, “If he’s being hurtful right now, simply because you weren’t ready for a relationship, then–and I hesitate to suggest this, for again, I lack familiarity with the situation–perhaps your friendship wasn’t as secure as you thought. Perhaps he wasn’t the sort of a person with whom one would want to be in a relationship.”

I don’t think it was so much that I wasn’t ready but that he thought I was or was just tired of waiting. And I changed my mind repeatedly.

It’s kind of embarrassing to look back and see my lack of foresight in this entire thing. I wish I could regress into the past, shake myself firmly and change so much… :frowning: Oh well…My only hope at this point that any kind of friendship would not be beyond the point of no return

5

I can give first hand advice on this matter.
My situation is similar, I have been dating (on and off) this guy for almost a year. Everytime things started getting deep he would pull away. I know he cares for me. He has always tried to maintain a close friednship with me. I always tried to be a good friend to him even though my feeling were very hurt. Finally I got so hurt that when we would get together as friends I couldn’t help being mean and hurtful towards him. I (in no way) ever want to hurt this person, I love this man with all my heart. I can not help being mean when everytime I see him I think of the constant rejection he has put me through. All I can think of is how much I love this man and how he doesn’t love me at all. I finally had to cut all contact. I couldn’t stop my feelings and he couldn’t force his. He tells me he wants me in his future and would like to maintain a friendship. I can’t. I don’t want to deal with knowing if he goes out with another girl… I don’t want to sit across from him trying to constantly hide my true feelings. I would suggest you decide what it is you want from this guy. Once you figure that out talk to him and deal with the hurt between you. Start out slowly, going for dinner and seeing if sparks still exsist. Don’t go to the same old places you used to go to, this may bring out bad memories. Show him with your actions how you feel, and always be honest with him even if it may hurt him.

As long as you take things slowly and keep the communication lines open you should come out of this as great friends if not much much more.