Ugly-until-I-get-to-know-you then-you're-a-friend Syndrome

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I’ll second what Blackclaw said earlier. I could be wrong, but it seems that you posted somewhere that you are fairly young. (If I’m wrong, I apologize now.) I know that it isn’t much solace right now, but this will change with time.

I had quite a few lady friends who just wanted to remain friends when I was younger. I got older, I gained confidence, I kind of learned what women were looking for, and things changed, dramatically. It didn’t become easy, just easier.

What I’m saying is, don’t let it get you down. It’ll come.

[sub]Now if you’re a 35 year old, I’m gonna feel real stupid.[/sub]

22

Maybe you just need to meet other girls.

Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet. Keep your friends, of course, but if the girls you’ve been chillin’ with aren’t interested in you romantically, find different girls. No matter how “not really physically attractive” you think you are, there are people think you’re cute. Really (worked for me). So, find those people!

Are you in high school? College? Join some clubs. Go to shows you’ve never been to before. Start conversations at coffee shops/bars/Food Not Bombs rallies. Go with a friend, so you don’t feel sheepish. But, go.

I’ve been a victim of Good Guy Syndrome for years. I’m shy, dressed in thrift, and unbeautiful, but I’ve had modest dating success by just meeting the right people. I met my squeeze at a bar, calculating tips, and she’s rad. I’ve met other women at shows, meetings, public places, public transportation.

Also, GGS has its benefits; for example, if your “good friends” like and respect you, they’ll be more likely to talk you up to other girls. On the other hand, if they sense that you’re really attracted to them, and they’re not attracted to you (life’s rough), they might feel weirded out. You don’t want to be the guy who wants everyone. I’ve noticed that people in general (not just girls) are intrigued by those who don’t overplay their emotions. This applies to you, too.

This is not to disuade you from wearing your heart on your sleeve. If you’re in love, tell everybody!

It’s probably of no comfort to you, but going on lots of meaningless dates isn’t that great, either.

23

Speaker…I think it’s just “that age”, ya know?

I have the very same problem you do, and have had it throughout high school: Girls never want to go on a date, but they say I’m an excellent friend. Or, best yet, they say “I want to date someone who is just like you…but not you”.

I don’t know why. I’m reasonably attractive in many people’s opinions. I’m good natured enough. I think that’s just how teenage girls are like…and my advice to you: Don’t dwell. It will save you a lot of pain later. Trust me on this one.