In this thread here on her dating life Fillet states that some guy pulled a big fat lie routine on her. How did she find this out? By digging through his private e-mail (yep, a cyber breaking and entering) to find out after the fact the reasons why.
He stated that he hadn’t the time to persue a full time relationship, and because he signed up with a dating service and filled out a personal ad he is a big liar. Not that he sniffed a high maintenance loony, but he must be a creep. He might have been completely honest, but with a reason you just didn’t like or one which implied something you may be in denial about with yourself. It’s not like he said he was moving overseas or that he was celibate right now.
I call her on this action and state that this action of hers was not only snooping on her ex after there was no point to it, but that she was prying into the business of anyone who may have sent private messages to her ex. Like you e-mail this guy with some personal matter and next thing you know some broad you know not at all or peripherally knows that you have issues with transvestites or a recurring dream where your mom is beating you with a port wine cheese log. I also state that this behavior is reminiscent of some of my psycho-stalker ex’s (which it is almost identical to) and she rants about how I “don’t know her”.
WEll I fucking well don’t know a lot of people, but if someone confesses assholish behavior in a public forum and input is requested don’t expect a pass just because you are feeling heart broken. I’ll take a guess and state that if you were all that great this guy wouldn’t have taken a powder once he got to know you. There comes a point when you need to see that the reason you are having these problems isn’t everybody else. You had a successful long-distance relationship with the guy, but he gets in your proximity and he seeks companionship elsewhere. Think on it.
Yeah, I’m an asshole but there is room in the world for a few of us and your seat is reserved. No one said you had to be nice to be correct. At least I respect people’s privacy. And your behavior was stalker whacko typical. Whats next? You got bushes outside his place staked out yet? Besides, I never did say “bitch”. I mean I did here, but not “there”.
Wow, you can instantly know the inner workings of someone’s mind just by reading a few of their posts? Maybe you should use those amazing powers on yourself to see why you repeatedly pick “pyscho-bitch” girlfriends.
LunaSea: Well and good, but what insight is this? I know I’m fucked up, I don’t go about inviting comments on my fucked up-ness and request the closure of the invite because I dislike the obvious. P.S. I don’t date anyone any longer becuause I have no “psycho detector” installed. Fool me once, etc. Since I have been fooled many times I’m not blaming them, but I di take issue with Fillet blaming this fellow and calling him a liar when there is no proof of anything other than her being a fucking snoop.
My instant knowledge comes from my ability to read when someone posts the kind of insanity that Fillet posted. She said she did “a” and “a” is the kind of thing a psycho does. Yes, I’m a genius for pointing this out. [bowing] thank you! thank you![/bowing]
So whats your sympathetic take on her prying? “Ohwwww, I just wanna cuddlew and nurture a bruised and innocent spirit because the man world is so harsh. Of course she must be in the right because she is a female and a DOPEr’”. Rework her post and pretend she was posting that some needy obsessive and clingy guy she broke up with gently had been going through her private e-mail after the break up. He would be a fucking staker and half of us would (correctly) advise her to sever all ties and possibly contact the cops. It’s psycho behavior.
I only read one of her posts and my response was to that post. Maybe you should read it.
Too bad it doesn’t hold water. I sleep every day. Sleeping is something narcoleptics do a lot. Am I a narcoleptic? (in case you’re not following, I just said ‘I do “a” and “a” is the kind of thing a narcoleptic does.’)
You cannot accurately characterize a person you do not know as a ‘psycho bitch’ (or a ‘psycho-stalker,’ which is what you said, or even just a ‘psycho’) based on a single piece of evidence as inconsequential as one post here. It seems pretty clear that you’ve been damaged by your experiences with women, and that’s for you to deal with, but you should try not to take it out on other people.
I’m not saying Fillet was in the right, I’m just saying she’s not obviously psycho. And zen101, get over it. Your attitude belies your user name.
She opened up an e-mail account he left logged in on her computer after they broke up. It wasn’t breaking and entering, but opening up something he left lying around. It wasn’t the most honorable thing to do, but she was hurt in the aftermath of a breakup and it certainly wasn’t anywhere near psycho-bitch territory. She didn’t go out of her way to hound him, but looked at what was in front of her. She also realized what she did wasn’t particularly right, and asked what she should do, rather than immediately going to hound him.
In short, I’ve known psycho-bitches, and she ain’t no psycho-bitch.
She looked through his e-mail. That was wrong, and she admitted as much. I’m guessing that everyone involved will eventually recover and lead full, productive lives.
She made a mistake. A mistake. Several people have called Fillet on it, and I’m sure she has learned the error of her ways. But one small mistake does not a psycho-bitch make.
Your chance to fight a little ignorance here:
What the hell is “a” and “a”? (I really have never heard the term before and I can’t discern it from the linked thread).
Jeez, Zen, you really should think about seeing a counsellor…
Fillet is not one of your ex GFs, it isn’t fair to take your issues with them out on her. It’s like when I once talked about problems I had with my mum, a poster on here assumed I was an ungrateful brat who was abusing her poor saintly mother, because she was a mother with bratty kids (or something), in other words she projected her problems onto me, a complete stranger and my situation, which she knew nothing of other than a brief post on a message board.
That is what you are doing with Fillet. It’s assholish. Believe me, I have been judged by someone who knows nothing about me seen through the huffy assumption-tinted spectacles of their issues. It is no fun.
Zen101, here’s a reality check for you in dealing with flesh and blood women. Most intelligent women in love are curious, slightly possessive magpies who will stop at nothing short of a subpoena in obtaining information about potential mates if they sense something is amiss.
If you leave drawers unlocked, they will be opened, wallets left out will be run through, email accounts will be scoured for information as to your state of mind and faithfulness. Is there a man so naive on this planet (besides yourself) that he does not think this is SOP if you have a girlfriend or wife? Is there a woman so high-minded and incurious she will not snoop if given the opportunity to do so with impunity. The answer in 90% of all cases dealing with non-inflatable women is no.
Women will snoop every chance they get if they really care about a guy and think (or imagine) he might be straying. Women typically have more at stake biologically in relationships and sniffing out fidelity risks is part of their wiring. IMO any woman who claims she would not snoop into a lovers personal business to ferret out possible infidelity or straying tendencies is lying to herself and others. It’s the way the world spins. Get over yourself and your delicate sensibilities about his stuff and keep your goat porn tucked away.
Here’s a tip for anyone who is romantically involved or hopes to be someday:
If you don’t trust the person you’re with then the only people you’ll get to be with are people who can’t be trusted.
Trustworthy people will not stand for your possessiveness, your insecurity, or your snooping into their private lives. Untrustworthy people will stay one step ahead of you for as long as they can and then move on to the next mark.
That being said, zen101 you are being really hard on her. When I read the first few posts to this thread I was going to agree with you, because a woman snooped my email once and I was livid. But all I saw in the linked thread was a woman who made a mistake and acknowledges it was wrong. You might wanna unload some of that baggage, dude.
I didn’t feel all that harshly about this issue until she requested her OP be closed and noted a harsh response from a few posters (naming me specifically) as a reason for it.
When you ask people for input, you shouldn’t get all pissed when your own output is put (heh, lot of “put” there) under the microscope. I’m advocating the oner person who has don’t nothing wrong here at all. Her “ex”. Someone said her snooping was no big deal because it was easy to do. Hell i have keys to some of my ex’s doors and vice versa. Would it be no big deal if I were in the neighborhood to let myself in? Again this didn’t just violate this guys privacy, but the privacy of anyone writing to him. People use E-Mail to replace or supplement regular paper mail. What do we think of folks who dig through their neighbors mailbox and read letters? Because after the break up they were at most neighbors or co-workers.
Hell, I could sympathize if they were still dating and she was insecure and dug into his stuff. But there is no excuse for doing so after he broke it off to her face and in a decent manner. He said he didn’t have time. Why is that a lie? Because he may have just been looking for tail through some service or an online personal? That does not invalidate his reason given for breaking up with her.
Psycho may be an inflammatory term, but so what? Inflammatory terms are often accepted on this board when it comes to all sorts of people, Dubya being one of them, and anyone else in the media for that matter. The only reason so many people jumped to defend this wrong action and condemn my condemnation is because the perpetrator is a board member. If it was a news article where a woman was caught doing the same the result would probably be more like 50/50 for and against her and inflammatory terms would abound on both sides.
Thankfully my personal opinion is not subject to popular whim.
And as for the personal insight of others about my personality. Duh. You think if I were completely rational I would care enough to even express an opinion in the first place? For that matter, why do all of you care enough to still be reading?
Seems to me the problem a lot of people have with the OP is that the term “psycho” indicates a person capable of doing harm, a la Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. That hardly seems the case here.
It was wrong for Fillet to read someone else’s email without permission, and she has been called on it, and even acknowledges it.
