Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena 2004

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yeah, this has been done before, but the last known attempt (August 2002) was a disastrous conflagration of superfluous rules and an ill-advised attempt at order. Besides, we have new cultural references, political candidates, world strife, and The OC to rip into. This is the MPSIMS!! Anything goes.

In the spirit of the original Ultimate Rochambo Figher Arena post (Nov 2 2000) by “Inky-”, we’re going old school. You are now about to enter…Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena 2004…

[The following sets the stage for the URFA, as taken from Inky’s original post. If it ain’t broke… Hope you don’t mind, Inky.]

You stalk through bicycle clogged streets and dark narrow back alleys of this mysterious southeast Asian city. A pause for a furtive glance over your shoulder, then down a shadowy flight of stairs to a heavy cast-iron door. You knock, an narrow peephole opens and a pair of glittering black eyes size you up.

“Paper wraps stone” you mutter.

The eyes linger on you a moment longer, then with a loud mechanical clatter the door creeks open.

Inside the arena is alive with exotic smells of hashish, opium and sweat. At least a dozen languages can be heard. All around you bookies place bets, chalk up odds and wave wads of crumpled dollars, Deutchmarks, Yen.

But you haven’t come all this way just to bet…

This is the underground world of Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena: the ancient game of paper-rock-scissor transformed into a bloodsport so deadly it’s outlawed in all civilized countries --and Tennessee. This game isn’t limited to stones, rocks and scissors, but rather contestants can use any object, action or abstract concept they desire in an attempt to beat your own.

There in the corner is the champion from India,Speedy Gahnesh. You once saw him beat a Black and Decker cordless hedge trimmer with a Henry Moore marble abstract. Clever one that Speedy, but stone does beat scissors.

And over there, Knuckles Nishahara, Zen master from Japan. You once thought him doomed when his opponent pulled out a
Seafoam Green 1987 Chrysler LeBaron sedan with leather seats and full chrome package. But he merely countered with
“yellow” and won the match. Always unpredictable that Knuckles.

And over there, the burly Russian bear Johnny Zhivago. His cheek bears the ragged scar you gave him when you blocked his signature Thorium attack with a egg salad sandwich. It was his own fault for being so dependent on rare-earth metals, but that won’t quench his thirst for revenge.

You enter the ring, consider the opponent and attack!

Iron Chef!!!

2

Perhaps I need to prime the pump a bit. Here are some snippets from the original thread to provide some inspiration:

Busta:
To be faced with the challenge of the Urban Legend is daunting indeed. The uncertain question of fact or fiction tickles the brain and perpetuates a numbing paranoia over any mere mortal. But we are professionals (please kids, don’t try this at home, particularly with sharp implements, unless supervised by a certified Rochambo instructor). As such, I sustain your formidable, but ineffective attack by countering with Dumbfounding Decisions Made by Movie Characters Most Likely to Die in a Horror Film (e.g., continuing down a dark hallway knowing the killer is STILL inside the house instead of turning on the lights, high-tailing it out of there, and calling 911. Morons.) Wrap your brains around that for awhile!

To keep you unbalanced, I’ll press with The White-man’s Overbite and a combination Diagonal Finger Point maneuver. Stand back, Busta Rib is cutting some rug!! Awww, yeah!!!

Scupper:
ckryder is taken in by the simple trick of leaving him off an informal list of competitors. How better to thwart an opponent crafty enough to throw Frivolous Lawsuit than to strike at his ego? Such a one must be handled with subtlety, for he can smell fear and must not be allowed to know the dread he inspires in his competition.

Busta Rib returns, countering the recent Urban Folkore-themed throws with one of his own before following up with the deadly White-man’s Overbite/Diagonal Finger Point combo. Not since the debacle that was the '85 Western Regional Semi-Pro Rochambo Finals have I seen this blatantly illegal maneuver used.

I remember it well. Carlo Muskrat, the “Kajun Killer,” threw that move on me when the ring judge was distracted. I was taken aback, but managed to counter it (as I do today) with a well-placed African-American Comedian, the foil to Caucasian dancing everywhere.

Now, my fellow competitors, the gloves are off. Prepare yourselves for Tijuana Donkey Show!

Is this too old school? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

3

Well seeing as how I sat out all of last season, it may take a while to stretch my sore muscles and get back into the game. Not like I was any good to begin with…

I’m not sure whether I’m countering Iron Chef or a Tijuana Donkey Show… ahh hell, I’ll counter them both with A Lifetime Supply of Beef Jerky and see what happens.

[sub]Why not just link to the original thread?[/sub]