Umm...gosh...no, I don't actually want to suck your cock, but...thanks for asking?

The back story:

Sweet, quiet, blonde and cute, anxiety-plagued and thoughtful 28 year old Texas man comes to my door 8 months ago to sell his services as a gardener for a shockingly low price. (Like… $10 bucks. Wha?)

Turns out he lives a couple blocks away with his girlfriend. I help him do a flyer, he cleans up my front lawn and fixes my gate. We have a couple of pretty personal conversations where I hear his sad tale of a baby dying of SIDS, family acrimony, various struggles, he gets kinda teary…I’m completely sympathetic, supportive. Give him a hug.

By the way, he has an almost unbelievably perfect Texas drawl and manner of speaking, very slow, quiet, twangy and ultra, ultra Southern boy respectful: Yes, ma’am, no ma’am, alright ma’am…

I try to arrange a barter with him for some work, that became weirdly awkward, he wassupposed to finish fixing the gate he’d worked on, never showed. Contacted me randomly over the next few months to borrow $2 for laundry, $1.50 for the bus, a couple of Xanax cuz his scrip ran out. All fine.

End of May I call and email because I want him to help with the back garden. Never answers either one, I figured he might have left town, maybe he felt strange because he’d been so vulnerable with his poverty… oh well.

Then, July 7 he writes:

I reply later that night when I get it:

He replies but I don’t see til the next day:

Next day I write:

Later that day I write again:

No word so two days later:

Yesterday on my way to the vet, I see him working in a neighbor’s yard, stop to chat and fill my tire:
Me: hey, so what were you wanting to talk about?

Oh, no big deal. Nothing.

Me: Okay, see you later! Bye.

THIS is the email I get last night:

followed one minute later by:

:eek::confused::eek:

Followed by some of the best laughing I’ve done in quite awhile. It’s just so…genuine. And as I’ve said, genuine’s where it’s at with me. But still, the complete lack of any pretense at all , Not “how about we get together to fool around” not even an offer to do me in exchange, just “I was wondrin’ if you would maybe wanna suck my cock.”

As the title says: Ummm, no, but… I guess thanks for asking!

ooooookay…

I had someone similar stop by one day. Ended up hiring him, for cash, a couple of times to do yard work. But all I got was his girlfriend stopping by looking for bail money.

Thanks, I needed that laugh.

Hmm…interesting username/post/OP combo. :smiley:

Shit, the last time I let a guy rake my leaves I gave him 1/2 up front and told him I’d be back in an hour from the store to give him the rest. SOB took the up front money, never touched the leaves, stole my rake and never looked back.

Smooth talker that one is. I’ll have to write that down in case I need it.

So a blow job was out of the question?

Bring back the rake first.

Damn, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this…

Can’t find an entry for “rake my leaves” on Urban Dictionary.?

…I’d have 8 nickels!

Sorry, I was just reading the Archer quotes thread.

Good lord, how awkward. However, it’s a little bit better than the craigslist Casual Encounters section- which I have only looked at out of morbid curiosity btw!- where strangers post things like “come over to my house and suck my dick”. I’m like, “Who would… do women really… what the hell?” I really would like to know if this ever works. If it does, maybe Texas boy should look into it.

Several years ago I put an add on match.com. I was looking for something catchy so I titled my add " handy man with no honey do". It was kind of sad how many single women were willing to trade sex for some repairs they couldn’t afford. That was not my intention. Most of them were kind of shy and tactful about it but were really in need. I did a lot of free small repairs and really didn’t have the heart to just accept sex unless I felt some kind of chemistry or at least an attraction. I accepted a few simply because they said they really wanted to.

Think he has Internet access?

He was sending all those messages by email, right?

So when you disappear without a trace, I guess they should check the garden first?

HAH! To the Library, Robin!

:smack:

I guess it does work!

At first I thought this the most outrageous/funniest proposition one could ever encounter and then I remembered one from my distant past that was nearly as bad. I was so flummoxed that I couldn’t even respond. I pretended to misunderstand, well, I’m not sure I was even pretending because I was in shock. In my case the guy was politely asking for sex, (because, due to circumstances, he wasn’t getting any) not just for me to suck his cock, so presumably there was something in it for me.