Unacceptable reasons not to date someone

[bup]

@HeXen

It’s a date not a marriage[…] There is no unacceptable reason.

You just found one!

You’re married to the person. It’s really unacceptable that you’d be unwilling to go on a date with them.

[wonky]

@Chronos

There are some reasons not to date someone that would make the refuser a bad person. But in that case, the refusee is spared from dating that person, so it’s still a win.

Indeed. If someone won’t date outside of their race for racist reasons, it’s the racism that’s the problem, not the failure to miscegenate. The potential date is dodging a bullet.

[Ambivalid]

@Crafter_Man

I have always found it interesting that it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to not date a man due to his short stature, yet it is totally unacceptable for a man to not date a woman due to her small breasts.

Huh?

@Slithy_Tove

Ambi, you’re making this thread all about yourself (and yes, we’ve all done that.) But personally, I would find it unacceptable in myself* not to date a woman in a wheelchair especially if, like you have, you she nonetheless developed her physical fitness level to its full potential.

That old trope “confidence is attractive” really means that this person is truly honest with him or herself. And taking care of one’s health is a measure of that. But it’s not the only measure; and in many cases I’m sure you’ve observed in insecure gym rats, it’s a smoke screen against that self-honesty. So it’s a case-by case thing. Same as the encounters we’ve all had with self-entitled handicapped assholes make that a case-by-case thing.

*and this is the rub: “unacceptable” is determined by how we answer to ourselves in the end, not just according to common consensus.

I was just using myself as an example, it had nothing to do with me in particular. It could have been anything.

[LSLGuy]

@Habeed

I strongly disagree, from first hand experience. …

I’m not here to deny your first hand experience. Let me offer my first hand experience as a contrast.

I am a hard core “It’s all poppycock, pure and simple” atheist. My wife is a learned theologian and for some time was working on Episcopal ordination. Which fell apart for essentially political reasons in the church hierarchy.

We have been married 28 years & had a close relationship for 5 years before that.

She has yet to do what you describe. We have yet to have an argument on any topic, much less a religious topic. She is my perfect mate and she says the same of me (poor benighted woman :)).

It requires two intelligent people with mature attitudes and confident natures. But it absolutely can be done, and done effortlessly.
IMO, your problem was not that your ex-wife was religious. It was that she was an idiot and a stubborn person. Religion was merely the excuse or framework she used to justify her idiotic stubbornness.

Note my original response to edwardcoast was not that any/all religious differences are immaterial. It was that some religious differences are not insurmountable. And in the numbers game of online dating, that’s probably not the best filter to apply early. It’s also an easy one to apply (with far more specificity) in person on the first date.

As with all things involving humans, YMMV.

[wonky]

In my first marriage, I was a Catholic married to an atheist. It was perfectly fine. My religious beliefs slipped away during the marriage, but certainly not because we ever argued about or really talked about religion at all.