All you folks with your inventive, delicious, creative cookery – what about the rest of us? The ones who haven’t progressed much beyond opening a can or popping something out of a package into the microwave? How about some “Meh, but at least it’s edible” cooking?
I did it the other day – out of the freezer a sausage patty, a flat rectangle of hashed potatoes, and a handful of sweet potato fries (all precoooked, of course), chopped them up small, melted a glob of garlic and herb butter in a skillet, heated over medium heat, stirring, till i thought the mess seemed cooked through, tossed the result into a bowl, and dug in.
it was surprisingly good.
The garlic and herb butter works well for unambitious scrambled eggs – beat a dash of soy sauce into two or three eggs, pour into the pan with the melted butter, and stir it now and then as it cooks till it’s done.
Again, surprisingly good.
Stuff like this sure ain’t haut cuisine, but it’s fast, filling and tastes reasonably good. Makes a change from prepackaged or takeout for the culinarily challenged, and yes, it’s no way a nutritionally balanced meal, but there are times when all you want to do is top off the fuel tank, right?
So what’s your guilty secret of unambitious cookery?
A fried egg sandwich; two eggs mixed right in the pan to quickly combine the whites and yolks, fried until firm. Meanwhile, toast and butter two slices of bread.
I’m one of the annoying people who likes to brag about the fancy meals with the complex multi-stage prep, but I’m also fond of taking out a pair of frozen burritos from the bag, nuking them for about 3 minutes, then flipping them and covering the top side with grated cheddar and hot salsa and giving them another minute and a half in the microwave.
Ditto. Quite irritating to some, for sure. So here’s my shame:
Microwave hot dogs. Plop an uncooked hot dog in a folded paper towel and nuke for 35 seconds. Add a frozen bun and nuke for another 35 seconds. Remove, dress and honk it down.
This is why I rarely buy hot dogs. It’s just too easy.
Are you watching me? Becasue I just finished making one and am eating it now, and then checked and see you mentioning it. Oh but you missed the piece of ham I warmed up to make the sandwich haut cuisine. Now get out of my kitchen!
From time to time, I’ll make what I call “White Trash Thanksgiving Dinner.”
Make a batch of Stove Top Stuffing in a pot.
While the stuffing spends 5 minutes hydrating, place a bunch of slices of turkey lunchmeat, and a jar of Heinz turkey gravy, into a bowl, and heat it up in the microwave for a couple of minutes.
Put the stuffing on a plate, then put the turkey and gravy on top of it.
Ramen. Bring water to boil. Add precut and prewashed broccoli tops from a store-bought bag. Throw in ramen brick. Add seasoning packet and some leftover protein, if any. A bit of black or white pepper to taste.
It can be that simple— 5 minute prep, college dorm quality; or I will sometimes add minced garlic and ginger, more veggies that I actually chop myself, actual soup broth I may have, a big spoonful of chili crisp, a splash of toasted sesame oil, etc. etc.
You call that unambitious? Oh, the decadence! Next you’ll talk about unambitious seasoning with saffron.
When I am unambitious, I open a bag, hold it with my left hand and eat the contents shoveling them into my mouth with my right hand. When I am finished, I drink a beer and I belch.
Yes, if you’re mixing ingredients together, it doesn’t count as unambitious.
Last night I had bacon and cauliflower bites for supper. The recipe consists of warming up the oven to 425, taking the bag of bites out of the freezer, putting them in a metal pan, and putting the pan in the oven for eighteen minutes.
I did spray the pan with Pam and add some bang bang sauce when I was done. And I used the oven instead of the microwave. So this wasn’t the most unambitious meal I’ve made.
Crack open two eggs in a small microwave-safe bowl, add a splash of milk, stir, stir stir, then into the microwave for 2.5 - 3 minutes. Results go on bread with slice of cheese. Add a slice of ham, I won’t mind. Scrambled egg sandwich.
Oh but you missed the piece of ham I warmed up to make the sandwich haut cuisine. Now get out of my kitchen! 
