Exactly!! (thongs notwithstanding)
Yeah, I was reading the OP and thinking "I’m more likely to have an abraded and raw ass with clean underwear from wiping like crazy than a dirty ass and underwear.
Not if you wipe properly.
Now that there is finally an expert in wiping in the thread, what is the proper way to wipe?
And never break wind with gusto.
I would think it depends on the consistency of the poop. Sometimes it’s sticky, sometimes it’s not. While diet can affect consistency, so can how well your digestive system works, as well as your intestinal microbiome.
Then there’s efficiency. Just because you can get it off with enough toilet paper doesn’t mean you couldn’t get it off more quickly with fewer wet wipes. There are times where I could scrub really hard to get the junk off the dishes, or I can just let it soak in water for a few seconds and wipe it off easily. That’s the point of using wet stuff to clean, after all.
Then, of course, there’s the stuff that can get in the way, like having a fat ass or ass hair. And I guess how you sit on the toilet–supposedly squatting provides less surface area for stuff to get stuck on.
Could you elaborate?
Most of my life wiping has been more of a formality than a necessity, with the occasional exception of course. Starting about 2 years ago i went through a phase where no matter how much I wiped I had to come back an hour later to finish the job.
My experience is that emotional state has more or at least equal affect on state of poop than diet.
This is where you lost me.
How’d you get shit on your dishes?
I may have phrased my post poorly - I mean isn’t it possible to have clean underwear, regardless of your poop consistency?
On the internet no one knows you’re a dog.
At least now we have an opportunity to have an answer to “Why do dogs eat poop?”
Willie: Jesus, kid. When I was your age, I didn’t need no f***ing gorilla. And I wasn’t as big as one of your legs. Four kids beat me up one time and I went crying home to my daddy. You know what he did?
Kid: He made it all better?
Willie: No, he kicked my ass. You know why?
Kid: Because you went to the bathroom on mommy’s dishes?
^my favorite xmas movie!
I prefer to go commando, 'cuz my panties all get in a bunch! There’s a Stephen King reference in here someplace. Yes, he lives nearby (up the road apiece), and he has also referenced Oxford, Miss. – another of my previous residences.
:eek: 
Bidet. You need a bidet.
I’d install an after-market one on my loo, but the ones that I could install only use cold water. I live in Massachusetts. I don’t want frostbite on my bits.
OK, but even with all that, you’d have to shove your underwear up your asscrack to actually get poop on your underwear. I have a fat ass too and there is enough flesh around the poophole that it doesn’t come anywhere near my underwear.
I take it you don’t have a prehensile rectum.
Sadly no.
Try sitting all day in a wheelchair. You can’t not get your underwear stuck up your ass. Wet wipes are a necessity.
The only thing between me and this post is a thin layer of gabardine.
