Unhand my Pickle!

The BBQ Pit
1

I often find myself at a diner or a burger joint, or some other place where casual food is casually served. And if I get a burger or other type of sandwich, there is usually a pickle on the plate. I like pickles. I like pickles very much. And to my mind, the best time to enjoy a pickle is after the rest of the meal is consumed. In other words, I eat my pickle last. After every juicy bite of burger and every crispy french fry is gone, the pickle makes a perfect end to a delightful meal.

But for some reason, my dining companions can’t accept this. They see my pickle still on the plate when my burger is half gone, and they think I’m not going to eat it.
“Say, you gonna eat that pickle?”
“Can I have that pickle?”
“You want your pickle?”
Then, 5 minutes later, they see the pickle still lying there, limp and juicy, and they ask again, “Are you going to eat that pickle?”

And they watch me. They watch the burger being finished. They see the french fries being consumed one by one. They wait for that moment after the last fry is gone, hoping, praying that the waitress won’t take away the empty plate with that briny emerald uneaten…and they are saddened, but quite relieved when I eat the pickle.

And sometimes…sometimes…they just reach across and grab it!

Today, I was sitting at Burger Heaven with my brother. The waitress brought our burgers, and she brought a plate with 3 pickles. I knew I wouldn’t get two pickles, but I figured my brother would leave me one at least. I wasn’t paying much attention to the pickles during the meal, assuming that my brother’s good nature would prevent him eating all three pickles. But then I saw it! I saw his grubby little hand reaching for the last pickle!
“I want that pickle!” I said.
“Uh, I didn’t realize you wanted it,” he said sheepishly, knowing full well that I did.
“Of course I want it,” I said, glaring at him and transferring the pickle to my plate.

Sheesh. I should be able to enjoy a meal without having to constantly be on guard against picklenappers.

2

Fortunately, my father dislikes pickles, so I always eat the one that accompanies his food.

My solution to you? Make a show of sneezing on your plate once it arrives. No one will dare reach for the pickle following such a display.

3

Your brother looks like a picklenapper. I wouldn’t go places with him where they serve pickles with your meal. Evil, bad picklenapper!

I like pickles very, very, very much, too. I wonder if you are my NYJ twin?

4

Pickle thieving bastards will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

I hate pickle thieves! They should all be soaked in vinegar and then left on a plate somewhere to die, with a toothpick stuck through their chest.

5

I always get extra pickles so there are enough to go around.

But you know what the best thing ever is? When you run out of pickles you get to drink the pickle juice out of the jar. YUM! :eek:

6

And I thought I was the only one!
Just don’t laugh, or it’ll come right out your nose like any other beverage. Trust me on this.

:wink:

7

Holy cow JoeyG. That seems a little harsh to me.

Couldn’t we just consider them … um… pickle recyclers? Taking just what they think are orphan pickles and finding them a good home?

8

:slight_smile:

9

Love my pickles too. The more the merrier!

You should come to England. Seems very very few here like pickles and are leaving them all over the place. I’ve never seen people with a look of disgust, open their burger and toss away the pickles with such vehemence. Makes me sad.

Hubby always gives me his pickles :slight_smile:

Hard to buy jars of them over here. Don’t taste the same - when you can find them…

10

[Firesign]
“What about my pickle?”

“You’re lucky you still have your brown paper bag, small change!”
[/Firesign]

I can understand that people who aren’t familiar with your eating habits might ask about the pickle: many people like pickles, but many don’t, and when you’re avoiding the pickle while eating everything else, it would certainly appear to the uninitiated that you are in the latter camp.

But you would think your brother would have figured this out by now.

Or maybe he was just deliberately annoying his sister. :slight_smile:

11

Just get it out of the way early… After the first pickle related question, say very matter of factly “Touch my pickle and you die.”

Direct, to the point, no ambiguity.

12

You can have all of my pickles. Actually, you can’t, because I always say “Don’t put any pickles on or near my plate!” if I suspect one might be coming. Even having them nearby transfers that foul pickle taste to my food.

But if they did screw up and put a pickle on my plate anyway, I’d give it to you :slight_smile:

13

My husband and his sister drink pickle juice too, ugh. We were at the Taste of Chicago together, and they were drooling over the huge buckets full of giant dill pickles and pickle juice.

I made homemade dill pickle spears recently, but my husband didn’t want to drink that juice because of the pickling spices floating in it.

14

As a kid, several of us cousins used to have contests to see who could chug the most pickle juice the quickest. Come mornin’ everone wondered why there was no juice in the gallons of pickles.

Go figure…

Yes, we bought pickles by the gallon.

15

Best are bread-and-butter pickles, whose juice is sweeter than Coke. Really.

Now, Grean Bean, there isn’t any particular reason you’re noticing the absence or presence of pickles lately…?

[d&r]

16

I know a guy koffOxyMoronkoff who eats pickle and peanut butter sandwiches.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Next thing, I suppose, is that we’ll find him leaping out of the closet.

Oh. Wait.

17

Do you mean your brother who is on the SDMB? Because I have to admit, I’ve thought about his pickle before, in idle moments.

Ahem.

18

Mr Velma likes them, too. While I love both pickles and peanut butter, I have yet to be convinced this is a good combination. Although, they both are good with a lot of things…hmmm.

19

Good idea, but I’d go one better. WHen someone asks you, “Are you gonna eat that pickle?” say nothing. Instead, while fixing them with a steely glare, put down your burger, pick up the pickle, lick it stem to stern, and put it back on your plate.

They’ll get the idea.

Daniel

20

Well, IMHO, it only works for bread and butter pickles because they’re so damn sweet - to me they’re kind of like jelly, only crisp, which makes a nice textural counterpoint to the peanut butter…

(textural counterpoint?!!)

I’ll stop now.