I’d build and staff the biggest no-kill animal shelter in the world, on a HUGE plot of land, and live right in the middle of it! I’d have sections for each with the most elaborate setups to appeal to each kind/species of animal! The parrot habitats alone would be worth traveling around the world for! I’d have veterinarians for every specialty, and operating rooms and nurseries, and and and…okay, I’m hyperventilating.
Oh, and I’d have two or three people whose job it was to do nothing except keep me and my house organized and functioning.
I would find random young families on the street and offer them the gift of a brand new house, fully paid for and furnished to their taste, with taxes and upkeep covered for as many years as they own it. I guess it wuld have to be set up as an official charity, but I wouldn’t have an application process, instead I’d just surprize people.
I think that’s a winner. Your gorilla-suit employee is delivering a package to someone and says, “here’s your package” and then the cell rings and all manner of gorilla-style chaos is unleashed, right then and there. I like it.
I’d produce a series of feature film length, blockbuster quality, documentaries that go over all of the sciences (ala Cosmos, but infinitely more epic and comprehensive). From the atom to the entire cosmos, we’d explore and inform with state of the art VFX and sound everything we know about the universe today (working closely with some of the top minds in every field).
And, I’d get a crack team working on a coffee mug, that keeps your coffee at a constant temperature no matter how long you let it sit.
I’d install tinted snowbanks along selected highways. Even in summer. Red, green, blue…
I’d mount an enormous brilliant-cut lead-glass crystal at the top of the CN Tower, and shine beams of red light through it and down onto the city, just like in the scene in pre-flood Atlantis in the Disney animated movie Atlantis. There would be no explanation given for this.
One random small town each year would get a makeover: a good pressure-washing, new paint, sidewalks fixed and potholes filled, minor repairs made, insulation upgraded, etc. There would be new clothes and cake for the inhabitants.
More seriously, I’d encourage local self-reliance and multiply-redundant services. Cities would get urban farming departments, transport would be electrified using electricity from multiple sources, all sorts of things would be recycled. There would be an inventory of societal skills, everything from blacksmithing to sewing to first aid. Everyone would have the opportunity to learn basic skills.
I’d bring back common usage of the phrase “Right On!”*. Every time I heard someone say “Right On!” I’d give 'em $5.00 Pretty soon, everybody would be walking around using it.
*Maybe “Groovy!” as well, even though that made a minor comeback a few years ago.
Also, I’d build a huge high-rise condo development shaped like a gigantic penis. One of the conditions for living there would be that you had to give your address as being “…in the giant cock.”
“Drop by anytime; my address is 10th floor, unit 236, in the giant cock.”
I would pay for deep sea exploration for as long a necessary to have all of the questions answered about that trench place that man has only been in for 20 minutes. And I would finance a space hotel.
I have long had the dream of training tarantulas to be “Attack Tarantulas”. They don’t have to actually hurt people, I just need them to charge people when I point and say Attack!!!
When they’re not attacking, I just want them to scurry along behind me. Nobody screws with a girl who is followed by a herd of tarantulas.
Make a life Scrooge McDuck-like money bin, though I probably will have to fill it with something that wouldn’t kill people trying to swim in it
Rid the world of cilantro
Build a superhero-type base, with a moutain carved to look like my face. My mouth would open and I could fly planes out of it, and the eyes are gigantic lasers. And it could transform into a robot
Create a tropical island getaway like they did in Dubai, only modeled on places from fantasy or sci-fi
I don’t have anything fun but because I had a thought about this while driving to work this morning, I figured I pipe in.
Each day to get my daughter to school, I drive down a dirt road that is about a mile long. On one side are orange trees, on the other are pastures with cows and horses. I do not have to go that way but I enjoy seeing a horse, cow, pig, rabbit or turkey in the morning. Most of my town is already built up.
I was thinking that I would love to buy up both sides of that road and put money aside for future taxes and a stipulation that the property can’t be improved upon for 100 years. I don’t know who owns it but I do know there has been talk of zoning the area commercial which will break my heart.
I would create and fund a non-partisan institute dedicated to truthfulness and accountability in public enterprises. They would fact-check every political statement, and not just during campaigns. I would also spend a whole lot of money lobbying that every station that sells advertising space to campaigns and causes would have to allow the institute (or some entity equally credible) to have equal time immediately following the ad where every claim would be confirmed, clarified, challenged, or corrected. My hope would be the embarrassment would eventually drive campaigns to put out less B.S. The institute would also have a division that looked into commercial marketing and advertising.
I would create a foundation to pair lonely shut-ins with cats from shelters. This would include twice-weekly home service where delivery of food and cleaning of litterboxes would take place.
I would send $1000 checks randomly to miserable college students.
I would build the women’s rowing team an indoor practice facility here.
I would have several private planes, and the ones I’m not using would be made available to far-flung groups of friends who are trying to get together for a fun weekend. They just have to tell me how they know each other and what they plan to do.
I would fund teams of private investigators to hunt down people who have skipped bail on serious crimes. The guy who ran over my friends’ sister is first on my list.
