I’ve been making a list of stuff like this for ages. My 2 favorite ideas:
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I’d only eat the full size chips/doritos out of the bag.
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I’d only wear a pair of socks once.
Another idea that I like:
I’d build mini-golf course that had real grass.
Not a difficult thing to do (in comparison to some of the things listed above), but I have been consistently critiqued for this idea of mine.
I wouldn’t have too many houses around the world (actual, apartments), but they would all be IDENTICAL. Same architectural build, same decor, same furniture, same silverware, the clothes in the closets are all the same, bed sheets, towels, the car at each of these places is the same (even the same license plate number), if I had pets, they would all be identical (and with the same names), and so on. No matter where I go, I would always be “home”. Even on the moon! All I ever travel with no matter where I go is my wallet and passport. I don’t even carry gadgets around (except for my cell), since all the apartments have all the same gadgets. Same CD’s, DVD’s, computer, computer games, computer setup…I could go on forever.
Also, in every place I frequent, I would build a survival bunker (which I have already designed in my head to the most minute detail), which would serve me well in the case of nuclear fallout, a asteroid hit, zombie invasion, etc. (and it would be also capable of surviving tsunami situations if the geographical location requires it).
Create a handfull of TV channels that only show shows that I like to watch. No adverts.
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I was kinda with you there, up until the whole “identical pets with the same names” part. That just seems kinda…odd. It’s not like animals are robots with identical programming, you know. Fluffy #1 might be nervous around strangers but a great watchdog, Fluffy #2 might sometimes chew on things but loves to play, Fluffy #3 might have a serious digging fetish, and so on. I mean, it’s kind of like saying you want to have two kids in each home, all the same age, all the same name. You know you’re still not getting the same kids, right?
That is why I said “if I had pets”. Reality is, I would be traveling so much from place to place, I wouldn’t have pets so you can scratch that. I don’t think it is fair to have a pet all alone in a house I am seldom in.
I would buy everything - absolutely everything - and watch as the concept of “money” just disintigrates.
You have to work out something with the court system- if you can get the judges in on it… wow!
Dreamt about this with some friends in college:
Buy an island. Build a state-of-the-art theatre on the island. Staff it with my favorite colleagues. We’d only put on shows we liked, and we’d run them until we got tired of them. Cruise ships would be welcome and ticket prices would be just high enough to pay our overhead, none of this $100 for the worst seat in the house that Broadway’s doing.
Across the cove from the theatre would be the staff housing/private beach. Every employee would be given a jetski for the commute to work.
Oh, and the theatre would have one of those retractable roofs that have become so popular at stadiums. Enough of this working in the dark during load in.
I’d buy the Jack in the Box chain and all 2100 franchises. I’d replace the mascot’s pointy hat with a beret, put a little French moustache on him, and I would (this is where the unlimited money comes in) hire the 2100 top-rated French chefs in the world, and turn each store into a top-tier French restaurant.
I’d upgrade the kitchen facilities with top-notch equipment and buy only the finest ingredients.
But I wouldn’t change anything else - I’d leave the crappy seats in, the counters, cash registers, etc. I’d leave the drive-thru operational - how awesome would that be to order coq au vin jaune, and then wait for 40 minutes? I’d also hire the pimpliest, surliest cashiers (no waiters here) and would daily mop the floor in month-old fry oil to maintain that unique Jack in the Box ambience. And I’d rename the chain Jacques dans la Boîte.
I would giggle like a schoolgirl over this for about two months, after which I would get bored and switch everything back. Except for Jack’s moustache and beret.
In addition, I would fund a global campaign to include umlauts over every letter in the English alphabet: vowels and consonants. Because umlauts are äẅësömë (see how the “s” and the “m” just look kinda. . . naked and pathetic?).
I’d start a huge TV network that would broadcast 24 hour fact based sex education. I would get people to watch it by means of fabulous prizes awarded via a contest that would require watching and comprehending the programming to have a chance of winning.
I’d own a ton of businesses and restaurants and then refuse to do business with people who act like jackasses. I don’t need their money so I’m not going to put up with their shenanigans.
I’d pay Jason Mraz to sing me songs every night before I went to bed.
I’d hire someone to follow me around and play theme music for me.
I’d build a replica antebellum South plantation, with period clothing and hire a dialect coach to teach everyone accents. Then I’d have a bunch of white people picking cotton. And anyone who doesn’t gets shot on sight (I have enough money to buy my way out of prison). I’d also make them sing work songs.
I’d make my younger brother drive a bright pink bug, with flower decals. And within a year he has to have at least 30,000 miles on it. If he does that he can have any car he wants up to 50 grand.
I’d have parties full of hot skanks but none of them are allowed to speak to my younger brother. If they do they get kicked out.
Cure diseases and develop universal health care, but that’s not as much fun as the other things I’d do
Every school in the US- I’m starting at home and seeing how it works first before trying it out on the world- (all the way from preschool to universities and including the strip mall higher learning institutes that advertise on tv) gets a fantastic playground (scaled to student sizes, allowing even the college basketball players to have fun on the monkey bars) including enclosed ball pit that somehow doesn’t act as germ swap central. EVERYONE gets recess to play, but if they don’t want to play they aren’t forced.
PE in elementary and middle schools gets reformed: everyone learns the basic rules and skills of the top 10 to 30 sports activities in the world, excepting anything that requires living animals or animal carcasses, social dances, fencing, gymnastics, swimming, juggling, bicycling, unicycling, rock climbing, yoga, safety and technique in weight training, aerobic exercise, and self-defense. The program also teaches social games: tag and its variants, checkers, chess, backgammon, card games (including gambling as a means to teach statistics), and the more common board games. Then everyone spends at least a year developing new group games that emphasize teamwork without totally embarrassing the clutzy kids or shaming the chubby ones. The program doesn’t glorify professional athletes or emphasize competition, but focuses on group interactions, physical agility and health, and an understanding of the role of sports in the modern world. Everyone also gets to play the parachute game.
Arts education in schools gets at least as much funding as the comprehensive phys ed plan I just laid out. And just as the schools have playgrounds that encourage physical activity outside of gym class, there will be open stocks of art supplies, dress-up clothes (for the younger children) or costume stock (for the older children and teens), and access to performance space and recording equipment on campuses. Oh, and a kitchen and sewing area for home ec goodness.
School schedules are rearranged focusing not on how to make bus service or daycare easier but when the students are capable of learning: high school starts later, elementary school starts earlier.
Basically just make school better. And more spelling bees, because those are fun.
One more school thing: WAY more field trips. Museums, plays, concerts, sporting events, farms, fairs, and just random awesome things.
Give so much money and rehearsal/performance spaces to the experimental, avant garde, political, and new theatre, performance, and dance artists that they will stop complaining about the commercialization of Broadway and go back to actually being able to do experimental theatre. I’m a theatre major so I get a lot of dirty looks for enjoying really commercial productions, but dangit, Legally Blonde the Musical cheers me up on a crappy day.
Redevelop the Hawks Prairie area (Lacey, Washington) to move parking to a few multi-level structures, change the parking lots back into prairie land (I miss camas), increase walkability, bikeability, and bus services, replace chain stores with local businesses wherever possible, and put in some damn bike racks. And a bookstore. A nice one that lets you sit on comfy chairs. And all the landscaper planted “public space” non-native oak trees in developments from the Nisqually Valley to Mud Bay get replaced with proper native oaks, even if those take longer to grow. Not all at once, though- I don’t want to rip out all the trees in one fell swoop.
I personally get a pet miniature bear with a sweet temperament, complete DVD sets of all the television programs of my childhood, and a couple more seasons of Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies.
I would build a real life working AT-AT, complete with laser guns. And for my commuter car, a working AT-ST.
I would also build a Fallout Vault, although it’d be one of the ‘control’ ones, and not one designed for experiments.
For trips to the mall, I would drive an armored beater car. One that looks like it was the first loser in a demoliton derby. It would be specifically for rubbing up against asshole parkers that can’t park between the lines in parking lots.
I’d love to make my own personal supervillan island. Come to think of it, I’d probably be a supervillian for awhile.
I would make a sitcom about my family, and have John David Carson play my dad. It would be the Arrested Development kind of sitcom, not one of the shitty ones with a fucking annoying laugh track. In the sitcom, my dad would have affairs with nine thousand already-married women, just like in real life. Elias Koteas would also be in it. Actually, I would also pay all of the movie studios billions of dollars to force them to cast John David Carson and Elias Koteas in at least three of their highest-budged movies each year. I would also change the Oscar statue to be a statue of Elias Koteas. I would bribe world leaders to have everybody involved with the production and direction of the film Crash (the one from 2005) be deported and sentenced to hard labor in a salt mine.
I would pay billions of dollars to have a mandatory firearms safety class at every single high school in America. Everybody would have to take it, no exceptions except for students suffering from motor-function disabilities like CP, or from blindness. There would also be handgun and rifle shooting teams at every high school, and there would be billions of dollars of funding for hunting, fishing and camping field trips for every high school in urban areas where the kids would otherwise not have any contact with nature.
The High School For The Martial Arts.
Private high school, grades 9-12, dedicated to academic excellence. In addition to advanced academic courses, students would study Taekwondo as their physical exercise and every student would be at least a 1st Degree Black Belt by the time of graduation.
I’d also set up a scholarship grant program of some sort.
As a fellow theatre tech, you are my hero.
I’d rent every empty theatre on Broadway and put in what I want to see, including Blondel, ABBAcadabra, Chess & ALW’s Song&Dance as a GAY Song&Dance.
I’d project a 3-D image of The World Trade Towers on the site. And construct a five building complex that looked like a hand flipping the bird.
I’d put a show on Fox called “The Day Before” about an office in the WTC on Monday, September 10, 2001.
ETA: I think I’d also go up to random people on the street and hand them a hundred dollar bill on occasion. Just because I cold do it.
I have a kettle that will heat the water to whatever temperature you set it at. The range goes from 30 degrees to 100 and has a keep warm function. Just push the button and the water will always be the temperature you like. Just make one of those, but smaller.
**1. Wilderness University **
I’d develop a Wilderness University. Here students go on adventures to explore beautiful and amazing places around the word. They would camp, backpack, climb and explore. They could learn about animals, plants, eco-systems, earth science, as well as basic outdoor skills. Some classes would just teach the fun and adventure of exploring the natural world while others would be more rigorous. Classes would also emphasize the value of teaching and sharing your love for nature with others outside the University through positive example.
There would be a scholarship program for those that have contributed to nature protection. This would especially reward those who volunteer their own personal time to keep natural places wild. Some of these scholarships would be for weekend retreats and adventures and some for weeklong vacations. This would allow those with full-time jobs to still take part.
2. Private Tower with Zip-Lines
On a more selfish note, from my residence I’d build a large tower with zip-lines to all my favorite places. No traffic, no driving, just head to the top and zip away.
Although, at the moment I’m not sure how I’d make the return trip …
3. Think Tank of Leisure
The world (at least from my seat here in the US) is too preoccupied with productivity and growth. I would set up a think tank that can give ideas to make our economy more stable, sustainable, and allow everyone to have more leisure time (including time spent with family).
4. DIY Revolution - The Magazine
This would be a magazine with many local editions. It would spotlight interesting/cool locals as heroes. The guy who tells great stories around at the campfire/pub or the girl who hosts a great game night or the parents who lead a weekly hike for the neighbor kids would all get spreads and accolades. Instead of watching TV people would be encouraged to more actively participate in life and community. Instead of a mass market entertainment we editors would find people who write stories, tell stories, play music, and make positive community contributions locally.
- Just in case it needs explaining – DIY = Do-It-Yourself.
5. Super Trainers and Comic Book Artist
I’d get a team of trainers that help me develop my as of yet latent super abilities. Oh yea, I’d also hire a comic book writer to follow me around and capture my exploits. I would have had a photographer follow me around, but unfortunately he may need a little more imagination to fully capture my super powers and heroic exploits.
I dont really see that being a problem, since its mainly rural roads that the fauna gravitate too. Living in a Major city, Toronto, wildlife only really shows up at certain times of the year and very late at night/ early morning. Where as , 50 miles north were I currently live, every other week Bambi scares the crap out of me by bolting across the road.
So you have these stake doodads every quarter of a mile, they emit sound , pheremones, or what have you to annoy bambi and bumper so they stay off the road, since these things are networked, the vibrations of an oncoming vehicle will trigger the warning, so no need to train bambi and bumper , just scare em into standing still for a few moments till the vehicle passes and the “fence” shuts off.
Declan
I’d put some serious money into trying to build a closed-cycle habitat that people could survive in indefinitely. LIke a more scientifically credible Biosphere 2.
Perhaps this could be combined with building a “Cloud Nine” floating geodesic sphere.