Unique things you'd do with unlimited money

In My Humble Opinion
81

I’d purchase every single country music station in the US, or at least for miles around any place I ever plan to visit. I’d then change the format and fire the DJ’s from each station.

82

You’d better also purchase a very large and powerful military - of non-American origins - because you’ll need to put down a large-scale revolution if you do that!

83

Obviously by using your rocket pack to zip back up the lines!

How, exactly, does one have ‘subsequent generations’ when every human is sterilized?

84

First thing I’ve always said I’d do if I won the lottery:
Get a tramp stamp that says “white trash with money”

85

I’d buy a huge stamp saying “FUCK YOU” and stamp it on every request I get for money, then return them to their originators certified mail. They would all have to sign for their original letter with a big FUCK YOU stamped on it.

86

That wasn’t “subsequent generations of humans”, silly!

87

Some sort of art-deco underwater city in the middle of the Atlantic, free from conventional laws and regulations…

88

Ok. If I had unlimited funds I’d pay everyone in Akron to wear a beret once a week to honor the Replica Eiffel Tower that Cuckoorex built with his unlimited funds.

89

Light rail. Light Rail. LIGHT RAIL!

90

Monorail. Monorail. MONORAIL!

(It glides as softly as a cloud!)

91

I would pay the most respected people in several different fields to be my personal tutors and advisers. I would pay a thousand people to rap the fresh prince of bel-air during every presidential public address for the next 60 years. I would buy every company that ever manufactures black licorice, just so I can fire the CEO’s. I would loan money at 0% interest to anyone who could convince me their research project or invention idea was “cool” with almost no regard for practicality. I would hire a person to follow me while I drive, so whenever anyone is an asshole on the road I could have my car follow them to their job, so I could buy the company they work for and fire them. I would build a rocket and fly to mars if it ever became apparent that I had less than a decade or so left to live. I would have a moon base. I would have a jet pack. I would have a circus train. That’s pretty much it.

92

  • Buy an island, build a place for myself and houses for all my friends. Buy planes & hire pilots and put them in the closest airports to said friends, on call for a trip to the island whenever they want.

  • Build a conservatory overlooking the river on campus at my old university, and make it as quiet and relaxing as possible. Also, build the university a proper library. The current one sucks, and the one they want to build isn’t much better.

  • Fix Michigan. Seriously, I’m sick of my home state being the armpit of the nation. I’d bring in advisers to help me figure out how to get the economy fixed both short and long term. Redoing all the roads is first on the list. I’m sick of driving over potholes that are actually dirt pits because the road has completely disintegrated.

  • Build a giant animal sanctuary, maybe on some of the reclaimed land in Detroit.

  • Fund an overhaul of the zoo I used to go to as a kid. I was back there a couple years ago, and everything was overgrown, the exhibits poorly designed, and there were fewer animals. Maybe do this for all the zoos in MI. Maybe that could be part of the new state identity: really good zoos.

  • Build a really good museum in my hometown.

93

I would feed a geese with foie gras all it’s life and then dine on it’s liver.