Another theory of mine is that dogs really understand every word that you say, but it’s in their best interest to pretend not to. (Else we would make them wash dishes, and things like that.)
Some dogs can even spell. My dog perfectly understands that it’s time to run upstairs and dive under the bed when the words “vet” or “bath” are spelled aloud. Yet, she cocks her head and gives me a puzzled look when I say, “sit,” or “put that down!”
Yeah, dogs know they’ve got it good. Not only do we feed them, scratch that itch place between the shoulders which they can’t reach, we also do all of the work which provides sustinence for the “pack.” Hell, we even pick up their crap for them. All they have to do is lounge around, return balls which are thrown and bark when someone knocks at the door. What a life! I want to reincarnate as a dog.
Yet another theory: Anything that comes with a warranty is specially designed to break and/or require costly repairs as soon as said warranty expires. Need I say more?
Biohazard: you may be thinking of The Ambassadors by Anthony Boucher. It’s included in the collection Fifty Short Science Fiction Tales.
My unproven private theory? I believe that someday in my lifetime, something big will happen in my life – like somebody will attack my country or the economy will crash and we’ll all become refugees, something life-altering like that. I have no basis for believing this, but I often feel like it’s true.
My theory is that everything you do in life, you do at least twice.
If you liked it, you do it again because you liked it the first time.
If you didn’t like it, you do it again either by mistake, or to see if the first time was a fluke, or to remind yourself how bad it was, or to see if you can make it any better this time (the answer is always “No”) or because you try very hard to avoid it doing it again, and this very striving prompts the universe to conspire to force you to do it again.
Another way of recognising this truth is, “Nobody does anything once”. It’s either not at all or at least twice.
I think this theory holds up to general observation, and you should all call it Ian’s Law and make it famous.
Super Gnat…I’ve always entertained what I thought were over-active imagination fantasies about a post-collapse US. It is the last frontier, persay, and the vehicle for a lot of sci-fi. Perhaps another theory would be that those who participate in this fiction are actually experiencing group premonition.
I recently saw a factoid claiming that nearsighted people tend to score higher on IQ tests than people with “normal” vision. Here’s my pet theory as to why that may be the case:
Nearsightedness is caused by an eyeball that’s slightly longer than normal, so that light isn’t focused on the retina but rather several millimeters in front of it. (Farsightedness is the opposite–the eyeball is shorter than normal so the focus point is behind the retina.) That much is known fact–here’s where my theory comes in. Those more intelligent people have a frontal lobe which is a bit larger than that of the average person. Naturally, the braincase is also a bit larger to accomodate those extra brain cells–and it intrudes into the space reserved for the eye, which compresses the eyeball vertically, making it spread out lengthwise, resulting in nearsightedness. Voila!
I’m convinced tollbooth operators have underground communities based around their respective tollbooths. I came up with this one day while riding in a friends car and observing a set of stairs between lanes that led underground to an unseen destination. I realized I’d never actually known anyone who worked in a tollbooth, or known of anyone, for that matter.
I am the only human; the rest of you are actors placed on this world-stage for my benefit. If I get on a plane and fly to some other city, that city was constructed for me. Some things, like Disneyland, are permanent constructions, but are empty and unused if I am not there. If I see a woman driving a car who looks vaguely like my mother-in-law, she’s being played by the same alien-robot-whatever-thing who plays my mother-in-law.
I haven’t figured out yet what you want from me, but I will - I promise you that.
I am becoming more and more convinced that cats and their tails are two separate beings - why else would a cat chase his tail - and bite it? How else can a cat be padding contentedly in a sunbeam while the tail is doing the Annoyed Flick O’ Doom?
Ghosts and monsters can’t see/hear you if you can’t see/hear them (thus confirming that I reason at the level of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal).
I am obviously a Love Goddess. If I so much as toy with the idea of having a crush on any single male of my acquaintance, including ones who appear to be terminally single, within a matter of weeks this person will have Found True Love. With someone who isn’t me.
(I stole this from Atlantic Monthly, but I believe it makes good sense.) The real reason for the current epidemic of French-bashing is that stereotypical French people bear a striking resemblance to stereotypical New Yorkers. It has been un-PC for the rest of America to criticize New Yorkers for over a year, but all that latent resentment has to come out somewhere.
Yes! My paired down version of this is that women find stuff better than men and men find places better than women.
Women also have better ESP than men in day to day, mundane prognostication. We know who is on the phone while it’s still ringing. They don’t. Will someone please do a study?
All right, folks, he figured it out. Onto phase 2! Lissa, you prep the canines, Osbie, you’re in charge of the felines, and remember to make sure he can’t read this thread!
Diana was killed in an MI6 black bag op because she was to marry Dodi. Hit was performed after the Queen herself reached out through her security people, to find someone high enough up in MI6 who’d have loyalty to Queen over Tony. All expendable players were fatalities in a freak train derailment less than 2 weeks later.
Funny you should say that. My theory is that Bush Sr. engineered the 9/11 hijackings through his CIA connections in order to enable Bush Jr. to distract the public long enough to do most of the stuff he’s been doing (siphon money to his business friends, and so on). Given that there is some evidence of CIA-bin Laden connections in the past, this is not the most implausible theory in the world, but I keep hoping that it isn’t true. And if it is, I don’t really want to know anyway.
