This seems pretty mundane & pointless, so I’m in the right place.
So I’ve asked my family, via e-mail, for Christmas gift ideas. You know, the typical “what are your current interests,” “any new hobbies?” etc. One brother & his family have completely ignored me. But I’m going to his house for Thanksgiving, so I’ll press them for ideas then.
My other brother has given me smart-aleck responses which are of absolutely NO use. His 14 (nearly 15) year old son, my nephew, wants “a hooker.” My brother wants “a cute Asian chick.” Yeah, thanks.
Here are my proposed solutions.
I got a gift catalog in the mail that allows you to buy animals or shares in animals that will go to a poor family to help support them: cows or goats to provide milk to use & sell or to make butter & cheese, etc. One option is to “donate” a pair of chicks, which will provide eggs to a needy family. My brother gets to sponsor TWO chicks. AND it will do somebody some good.
My nephew is getting a latch-hook rug kit, complete with “hooker.” (the latch-hook tool itself.) I bought him the most juvenile kit I could find, called “froggie.” It’s a big, cartoony frog face. My husband suggested a “T.J. Hooker” video or DVD, but I can’t be bothered to search for one, so the yarn kit it is.
How about you? Do you have any smart-aleck-y solutions to sarcastic gift requests?
Nope, but yours are excellent. Actually a friend gave me a papaya, I grew the seeds and gave them back some saplings (?) so when they fed me pork chops one evening we joked that I’d return with a pig. I’m definitely going to do it when I’m working again. A live one - they’re going to hate me.
I was going to suggest a crochet hook, but a latch hook kit is good. And a flock of chicks is even better. I’m pretty sure that they come as a flock, not as singles or pairs, if it’s HI that you’re thinking of.
I have to agree with Justin_Bailey, don’t punish the kid because his dad’s a jerk. Get the kid a real gift or a gift card to go with the “hooker”. The kid can always re-gift the build-it-yourself-hooker-kit to a little cousin or Toys for Tots or something.
If your brother is that much a jerk, give the kid a drum kit.
Actually, I believe “the kid” provided his response to my brother. I gave him a gift certificate for his birthday last year, and his “thank you” card stated that he intended to use it “to get a hooker.”
But, yeah, they’ll both get “real” gifts in addition to the pranks. I’ll just make 'em sweat a little bit first.
Even better, find a female friend who’d like to get in on the gag and put her in a dress and heels and bring her along with you. Have her sit nervously on the couch until someone asks who she is and respond that the kid said he wanted a hooker. She can then look up sheepishly and respond that she is pretty new to the whole thing but so far she really likes it and then pull a crochet hook out of her pocket and some yarn out of her bag and start crafting.
Most people just get whatever I think might be cool for them. Mom I ask for ideas, but she didn’t give me any. She has not had a new computer in 5ish years, so I got her a nice layout. It is darn near better than my development box.
Your response is better than mine; my first inclination if given smart-ass answers like that would be, “Okay, picture frame for brother, sweater for nephew. Done and done.”
Sorry, Lynn, but when you 1st posted this I didn’t know what “HI” was. I tried googling it but came up with all sorts of links to various Hawaii stuff. Anyway, now that I know it’s Heifer International, that’s what I went with! The catalog I got in the mail was from World Vision, BTW. HI had higher charity ratings so I went with them – a flock of chicks. Yaay!
Well, I’m printing a card from their web site to give to my brother regarding the donation. It pictures Chinese children playing with ducklings. Not chicks, but close. And definitely Asian.
A really cool aunt would give him the crochet hook, and when the laughter subsided, have a waiting prostitute give him a private lesson in the back bedroom.
You can get a hooker for $50.00 I would get him an actual call girl. An pay some big ugly Asian woman actor $50.00 and she’ll come to your house for a half an hour.
We’re STILL in the process of moving. My husband doesn’t want to hire professional movers for most of this stuff, so he and one of his nephews and his nephew’s best friend are doing it. He’s paying them some cash, plus he takes them out to dinner each time (usually AYCE, who can afford a teenage boy’s appetite?), and last Saturday he took them to Putt-Putt. One time, he asked them where they wanted to go for dinner, and they replied “Hooters”. My husband vetoed that idea, not because he’s a prude, but because, as he said, he’s at that stage of life where he prefers eating decent food to looking at the scenery. He’s gone a couple of times with co-workers, and was absolutely unimpressed with the food. He also vetoed a request to take them to a gentlemen’s club…the nephew is 14 or 15, and I think that the friend is about the same age. He’s still a cool uncle, in their eyes…he has a farm out in West Texas where he hunts, and the Nephew bagged his first deer this year. He lets them play with the farm equipment (tractor and such) and he lets them drive the truck on his farmland, where it’s legal.
I’m probably going to cook them some chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes one of these days. Or let them play on my XBox 360 with me. Then I’ll be the cool aunt. I’m already the cool aunt to my sister’s kids…I used to give them things like drawstring pouches of arcade tokens, Cosmic Wimpout dice, and various games.
The problem I’ve got with “A Donation Has Been Made In Your Name” type “Gifts” is that I’m invariably reminded of that Seinfeld episode where George makes a “Charity” up so he can give out heaps of gift cards without spending any money and still look like a generous person.
“Froggy” is going to end up in the trash. Its a shame to waste materials and cash. Shine them. Maybe they will learn a valuable lesson. A fine gift indeed.
