Unrequited Love

In My Humble Opinion
21

Oh, and unfortunately, Fluffy, I don’t see my mechanic very often because:

a) my car tends to remain in pretty good working order, and

b) that’s a good thing, because I can’t afford to be taking it to the shop all the time!

Now, when I had the crush on Barista Boy… Good heavens, I was in there twice a day (and developed a full-blown caffeine addiction in the process)!!! :rolleyes:

Actually, there was a time when I was taking my car in fairly often, for little things; installation of a new antenna, oil change, etc. (cheap stuff), and I swore he was interested. I even made it a habit to stop by in person to make my appointments, instead of just phoning.

Then one day, while I was out to lunch with a (male) friend (who knew about my crush) and feeling very cute (good hair day, cute outfit… you know those days), I decided that I should drop by the shop to schedule an oil change. My friend came in with me, because he wanted to see this guy (who wasn’t even there :(). Of course, this could all be in my imagination, but I swear my mechanic stopped flirting after that.

In my little fantastic delusion, I imagine that one of the guys who was there when I went in with my friend said to the Mechanic d’Amour, “Hey, you know that woman you’re in love with? Came in with her boyfriend yesterday.”

Hey, it works for me, dammit! :wink:

22

Unrequited love…actually, I rather view it as something pretty darn cool. Of course, I might be echoing William Goldman and his notion that “…life is pain…”, but I feel that if I’m going to plagiarize anyone, I might as well start with good ol’ Billy Goldman. At least he’s funny.

I’ve been through requited love (or, more apropos, requited affection), and I’ve found out that sometimes the requiting can magically turn that affection to disdain. Sometimes, I feel, it’s best to love from afar.

I remember, years ago in high school, sitting in the journalism office and watching/staring/drooling over a gorgeous brunette visiting our newspaper’s faculty Captain O’ Captain. Turns out that she was a former student dropping by to say “Hello!” (Except, she was much cuter when she said it. For some reason my black-and-white text rendition of her speech just doesn’t do her beauty poetic justice.) So, being the brash, arrogant bum I’m not sure I ever grew out of, I asked her–point-blank–what we were doing the following Saturday. And she said she didn’t know, but hey, here’s my number, you suave, charming and extremely delicious man! (Yeah, yeah…some of that may not be true, but one way or another I got her number. So there, you bunch of downers.)

Anyhoo, she and I went out for what turned out to be an extremely boring evening. (I dunno, maybe she was teaching me a lesson about how a high school kid shouldn’t take on a college woman. All I know is that I wasn’t going to ask that college woman out again. Not that it was my fault. I’m sure I was as sauve and charming and extremely delicious as I falsely reported her saying in the paragraph above.)

Nowadays I prefer to pine away for the married/taken staff members in my school district. It’s safer that way. I can write sonnets and dirty limericks galore about the imagined amores and not have to reconcile my imagination with that nasty thing they call “reality.” Besides, even if the women were single, I’ve learned that one doesn’t date within the family of a district. Sometimes they turn out nutty. (Me, I’m sane. Promise. Really. No, honest.)

As for you, dear Fluffy, I say steal a line or two from that other Billy and say them as bombastically as you’d imagine a 16th century writing hack would:

Being your slave what should I do but tend
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?

And then grab his butt. Because that’s what Shakespeare would want you to do.

23

Okay SkipMagic! I may see him today. I’ll grab his ass and quote Shakespeare! Maybe this has been the answer all along! I’ll let you know how it goes!SkipMagic :stuck_out_tongue:

24

Sniff…
Fluffy, you make me and…and…*SNIFF!..*Shakey-pooh so proud to have raised you! Now go out there and grab a big handfull of gluteous maximus!

25

Yup - bigtime unrequited love, which will never be consumated because she is straight. In every other way we fit so well (we have lots of areas of dispute, but we both enjoy that), so it is really frustrating. Falling for her did give me the confirmation of my sexuality that I need though, and I have been much happier since coming out, so she has unwittingly done me a favour. Now if only I could start thinking of her as just a friend again.