Any Dopers have any interesting unrequited love/infatuation stories? I’m sort of going through an unrequited infatuation type thing right now. God! Is there anything worse?! (Well, sure but I’ll continue)I want to hear from Dopers who have made huge fools of themselves or maybe even those who had a happy ending! My story is so boring! Let’s hear some good ones!
When I was 14 I had a crush on Kenny Sorrell all through 7th grade. I would stare at him for entire time we shared a class together. I memorized every nuance of his body and mentally compared the size of his hands to mine. I dreamed of how it would feel if he ever held my hand. I studied his lips wondering if they were soft and speculating how they would feel upon mine. And if that day would ever come that his lips should ever graze mine, would I just die from bliss? The naughtiest thought I ever had though was wondering if he french kissed.
Looking back I’m sure everyone in the whole school must have known it including him. But he was always going steady with someone and I never told him how I felt.
I was completely infatuated in the purest sense of the word and my heart actually ached from emptiness over my unrequited love.
:sigh:
I eventually got over it when I started going steady with my first real boyfriend, Larry. He was a sweet sweet boy and the first to give me his heart which I carelessly tossed aside for reasons I still don’t understand. I still have very fond memories of him. I saw him at work 5 or 6 years ago and because of the situation, it was not an appropriate time to reminisce but when our eyes met I saw spark of memory and the small sad smile.
Two come to mind.
The first was about five years ago. There was a woman I worked with and I was rather smitten with as well. We’d done a few things together, but just friend kind of things like the museum. So I decided a grand getsture was in order. I invited her to lunch on Valentine’s Day and had some flowers to give to her. She cancelled the lunch so I wound up taking the flowers to her office, and I invited her to a play that was opening in a week. She said yes so I called the box office and reserved two tickets. Then a couple days later she sent me an e-mail asking if I could reserve another ticket so she could bring a date.
Three-and-a-half years ago I had just moved to Boston. There was a band playing at the Paradise that I’d heard good things about, so I went to see them. I found a spot on the balcony near the back (but it was a small enough place that it didn’t matter). The band came out, and it took a few songs to get really settled in, but it was a great concert. And about halfway through I noticed a woman down on the floor, stage right. I don’t know if anyone else would have seen her the same way I did. She had red hair just down to her shoulders, and glasses. It wasn’t love at first sight, it took at least thirty minutes. But I kept looking back until I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I couldn’t think of anything to say to her, though, as much as I wanted to. So the concert ended and I left, and kicked myself all the way home.
Not much of a story so far, but stick with me. I decided that if I’d blown that chance I had to at least learn a lesson from it. I promised myself that if a situation like that came up again, I’d do something about it. Anything.
A month later there was another concert. This was a folk singer I’d followed for a few years, and I found the concert on his website. It was in Wellesley, not far from Boston. When I got there, it turned out the show was in the front room of one of the sororities at Wellesley College. They just cleared out the furniture and set up a microphone at one end of the room. There weren’t even chairs, I paid my five dollars and picked out a comfy spot on the floor. The place filled up, maybe 95 women and 5 guys. There was an opening act and he didn’t even use the mic, just stood in the middle of the room. During the intermission, I started talking with some of the people around me about other music and other shows we’d been to. I mentioned the one from a month before and someone to my left said she’d been to the same show. I looked over, and it was the same woman.
So the headliner came out, and all I could think of was what to say to her. I still wasn’t coming up with anything, but I had a promise to keep this time. I don’t even remember what I said, but it worked, I found out her name and phone number.
The end of the story isn’t as good as the beginning. I called her, took her to dinner and a movie. Then she was gone for a month over the college vacation (she was a student, which made her quite a bit younger than I was). When she got back we went out again. I was having the time of my life, I was head-over-heels and then some, but apparently she wasn’t. The next time I called her she said she didn’t want to see me anymore. Wouldn’t even give me a reason when I asked. I didn’t take it very well.
Is that the kind of story you were looking for?
Robot Arm- I was looking for a story like yours actually! The rejection part just SUCKS! I guess I just need affirmation that yes, I will get through this and yes, life does continue!
Fluffy, unrequited love hurts. But it’s not fatal (usually). I know, I’ve been there, not particularly interesting stories. In fact it’s painful to recall the most recent - painful with embarassing, not painful emotionally. God, I was a complete twat. :smack:
No matter, eventually I met the right person and have been very happily married for four years.
Think of it this way- the vast majority of all relationships fail. Only one ever works and that’s the one you’re in.
Just subscribing to this thread because I’m going through this same thing right now.
As I type this, I have a huge crush on the employee I just hired. He’s close to my age, very attractive, bright, charming, funny, polite and a really great model employee. I adore him. Oh, and he’s straight and single, which is actually a pretty rare species at this company.
But I can’t say a thing to him or anyone else about it. I’m his boss. If he doesn’t feel the same way, how awkward is that? If he does feel the same way… how awkward is that? I believe he’s far too professional to mention anything to me first. If I didn’t feel the same way… how awkward is that? If I did… you get the idea. He doesn’t flirt with me; I don’t flirt with him… I have no reason to believe these feelings go both ways. For all I know, he has a girlfriend, but I don’t have any reason to believe that, either.
Only thing I can think of to do about this is to sit it out and wait. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll do or say something that will make me sick… then I can just get over the crush and keep my mind on work while I’m at work. At least I get the chance to get to know him for a while before I make any major career-affecting decisions. And there’s always they eye candy at the office thing. And, at least he makes me laugh – big belly laugh – at least once a day. I think that’s why I have a crush on him.
It’s just incredibly frustrating. Every day I talk to him, then walk into my office thinking, “Damn. Why can’t you be an asshole for just five minutes? Why do you have to be a really great guy?”
Arrrrrrrgh!
Any advice?
Nah. Just the usual, age-old story:
“The sun’s gone dim, and
The moon’s gone black;
For I loved him, and
He didn’t love back.”
*—Dorothy Parker*I’ve gor a crush on a friend of mine. I haven’t acted on it because I don’t want to freak the poor guy out if he doesn’t feel the same way. I’d rather keep him as a good buddy, then have him as nothing at all.
But I’m still allowed to think about it.
Okay guys-I’m going to bare my soul! Here goes; I am quite infatuated with my plumber (I started a thread about this a few months ago)I’ve felt this way for almost 7 months now. Of course he’s not someone I see on a regular basis but he has done work for me at my home and at work. Anyway, three weeks ago he was doing some plumbing work at my house. I was sitting at my kitchen table (trying to look busy and nonchalont at the same time!)doing paperwork. I looked at him and said-
Fluffy-You know what, I had such a crush on you when you started doing my plumbing last year!
Plumber-Really-Silence-What would you want with me? I’ve gained weight over the winter etc. (can’t really remember word for word)
Fluffy-Well you look fine to me!
Plumber-You know this happens to me a lot only usually senior citizens are the ones who have a crush on me, they call me out to do little meaningless jobs etc.
Fluffy- Oh, well see you later! (he was leaving anyway)
So there you have it!! Such an odd response! I was horribly upset, embarrassed, you name it! But after a few days I started thinking well what did I expect for him to react? Drop down on one knee and express his undying love for me!? No doubt I caught him off guard. So anyway I had to call him a few days later about a job he’s supposed to do for my employer. He was extremely nice, flirtacious, and talking in what I call that “come hither” voice. There has never been any mention of a wife or girlfriend. The whole thing is just odd, puzzling and embarrassing! Am I overreacting? What do you guys think? How would you handle this?
Does he wear a ring? Can you bring yourself to just straight up ask him if he’s attached? That’s probably the best way to find out, because no matter how slick someone think’s they’re being lines like;
“So what does your husband say about you wearing skirts that short?”
“Does your boyfriend tell you you’re beautiful?”
“Why doesn’t your wife mend that button for you?”
are dead-on obvious. I’d rather someone just had the balls to ask right out, wouldn’t you? If you said he was flirty on the phone, I don’t see what harm it could do to just ask if he’d like to grab a bite or something–if only so you can get him out of your system! (or get him out of his tool-belt, if you should be so lucky. rowrr 
)
BellaDonna-Do you think his reaction was odd? To me it rang of disinterest. He does not wear a ring but that really doesnt reveal much because lots of guys that work with their hands dont wear rings.
In fact, I have to talk to him tomorrow. I have a sewer drain at work that needs cleaned. I just cant get up the nerve to directly ask this guy out. The fact that i mentioned having a crush on him and the way he reacted makes me even more gun-shy than before.
I dunno, Fluffy… I belive that you could very well have caught him off guard. I mean, what would YOU say if someone (attractive) suddenly and unexpectedly confessed a crush on you? Would you fumble and stutter some random gibberish about little old ladies having crushes on you, too (and then go :smack: silently as you shut the door behind you)?
I know I would.
I once worked up the balls to ask one of the baristas at my favorite coffee shop out to dinner (having also worked up the huge delusion that he was in love with me)…
…and he said yes!
Then, merely to avoid an awkward silence, I joked, “You don’t have anyone special in your life who’ll be pissed about that and come after me, do you?” (This is merely idle chit-chat, mind you, I mean since he said YES and all, I assumed he was single…)
…and he said yes.
Then he took HIS turn at trying to avoid an awkward silence by saying, “Sometimes I wish I didn’t, and this is definitely one of those times…”
:eek:
Well, that, for me, was the “Asshole” moment that Dogzilla talked about…
Anyway, point is that later I figured that I probably caught the fella by TOTAL surprise, so he hadn’t had a chance to rehearse any smooth, logical responses (such as “I’d love to… but I am taken”).
And this could, indeed, be the case with your plumber.
JMO. Take it for what you will.
Oh, and BTW, I have a crush on my auto mechanic, so if you DO get into the plumber’s toolbelt (ahem), I am open to tips and suggestions! 
What a coincedence this thread comes up now… I’m in my bi/tri-yearly nostalgia binge where I dig up the old journals & “time capsules”.
So, I started reading a journal from freshman year in high school – and I was writing about Chris.
Chris – my first real serious crush. We got to know each other on a field trip to Chicago. He was reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - so I mentioned that was one of my favorite books & it proceeded from there. I fell pretty quickly & by the trip home, I was cuddling & trying to hold his hand.
He had some pretty serious issues going on in his life at the time and apparently wasn’t ready for anything remotely resembling a relationship. I still have the note he wrote to explain – how I’d gotten thru the first set of shells quicker than anyone he’d ever met – but that was all.
So we were “just friends” for the next few months - until he moved to California. I was heartbroken. I kept hoping maybe he’d change his mind … and then he was gone. I gave him my address … but he didn’t write. I wrote poetry & short stories to myself to try to understand.
Fast forward six years - it’s the summer between junior & senior year in college & I’m in Mexico on a foreign study program. He’d come back to Indiana to wrap up some personal business – and had looked me up in the phone book. He stopped by my parents’ house and left a note with his address. I was once again heartbroken that I wasn’t there – but at least we were back in contact.
We wrote & called for a couple of months – it was my turn to be dealing with some serious issues … so the correspondence kinda drifted off.
Fast forward to now (ten years later!) … I decide (after reading the journals & reliving the whole experience) to try to find him. After Googling and some good guesswork - I find an e-mail address. He writes back (happy dance!) and we end up chatting on the phone for about an hour.
He’s married and sounds like he’s got his life pretty much together. I was glad to hear that.
I don’t really know if he realizes how much and for how long I’ve cared. The torch has cooled over the years … but I guess I still carry it once in a while.
Depends on how you phrased your original statement - you said you told him that you had a crush on him last year. If he heard that, he might well have interpreted your comment as meaning “I used to have a crush on you, but I don’t now.” I can see how that might be confusing to him.
FWIW, Fluffy, I think if this guy was flirting with you later on, you’re in. I’m also guessing he was caught way off-guard when you told him about your crush.
This is the short version of my story, and it’s still pretty long. Oh well.
I wish Dogzilla’s “asshole” thing had happened to me. I had a huge crush on a woman (I’ll call her Jill) who I worked for in college, back in 1989. We became incredibly close friends and I spent a year or two telling myself it was just a crush and not love, because I thought at the time that love is a two-way street.
I made a move on her once, about a year after I met her. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I cherished our friendship and was scared shitless about ruining it. But I didn’t want to be one of those guys who wonders “What if?” So I let my hands wander one day while giving her a massage. She went with it for a little bit, then started crying. I think she was scared about the friendship, like I was, and maybe a little angry that I had those feelings at all. We talked things out and somehow moved beyond the whole thing.
I switched colleges, graduated and got on with my career and my life. But we still kept in touch, although very infrequently. I was back in her town one day and we had dinner. If I had thought she was great all those years ago, she was even better now. She’d really blossomed into a responsible, mature, successful woman. And I realized how deeply I loved her. This was no crush. But I kept it inside and had a pleasant evening with her. As I was saying good night and leaving, she grabbed me and kissed me. This was one of those world-changing-moments. I was stunned. Before I could say anything she drove away. She later called and apologized for doing it.
More years passed… I got married and invited her to the ceremony. She came. We were talking alone and I said something like “So, I guess I’d like to know how you really feel about me.” She glanced out at the garden where the ceremony took place and said, “The next time around, we’ll do this.” She got married a year or two later.
More years passed. I got divorced. We swapped a few phone calls as she helped me through it. At one point I said, “Promise me if you ever break up you’ll give us a chance.” She said “Yeah, I’d like to get to know you in that way.”
She wound up getting divorced. One day we’re having this conversation and she says, “Guess what? I think I’m love with this guy, and I think he’s in love with me.” And she goes on a for another ten seconds, and it dawns on me that she’s talking about me. Lemme tell you, those were probably some of the happiest ten seconds of my life, listening to her talk and waiting for my chance to tell her how much I loved her. My mind was racing with anticipation, expectation, anxiety, possibility, you name it. Then there was one of those sit-com moments where she says something totally out of whack and I realize she’s talking about someone else. Painful doesn’t come close to describing that moment.
So, I start seeing this woman who I’ve known for a long time and who knows about my history with Jill. She tells me I need to do something about the situation before things get more complicated between us. And I realize she’s right… despite my long friendship with Jill, my love for her, and her seemingly contradictory attitude about me, I cannot be friends with her. I had to end our relationship, whatever it was. The problem is that I came to this decision while Jill was wrestling with losing the relationship she was referring to during that oh-so-painful conversation I mentioned earlier. So she really needed me. And what did I do? I ended our friendship. I hated to do it (in the same way I’d hate to disembowel myself), but if I hadn’t done it then, I never would have (waiting wasn’t an option), and I would have lost my budding relationship with this other woman. How could I pursue a relationship with any woman with this huge Jill anchor weighing me down? Needless to say, Jill was incredibly hurt.
Hopefully no one will tell me what an ass I was… I’ve kicked myself enough over it. But I really don’t know what else I should have or could have done. Unrequited love is one thing; unrequited love for a close friend of ten years is another. There’s no happy ending.
I was the QUeen of Crushes in school. There was one in particular that was bad. I fell in love with Tyler–and I fell as hard as any 7th grader could, I guess. He was a freshman then. He played an instrument, he loved The Beatles (in a BIG way), he was so cute, he was funny, he was sweet, he was sooooo cute…I followed him around with puppy dog eyes for about 3 years.
He of course found out, I wasn’t discreet. But he never said or did anything to embarass me.
My sophomore year, he was a Sr, and he was in one of my art classes. He was also seeing a really sweet girl who I liked a lot. I realized I was over it–Gods, what a relief. About that time I met Jaime–who was an even bigger crush than Tyler. It’s a good thing I married him, an unrequited love at that level woul dhave killed me.
But I’ll always look back at my feelings for Tyler with bitter-sweet fondness. I’ll never forget the way my heart soared when I saw him, or when he’d talk to me. I often wonder what happened to him. He was well on his way to a music career—the guy from the Eagles, (Glen Fry? I think that’s his name) actually had a home in our neighborhood, and he heard Tyler’s band once, offered to let them record in his personal studio. I hope it worked out for him.
There was a girl I was absolutely in love with. I’d worked with her in a few musicals during the course of two summers, and that had been the extent of my conatct with her. The third summer (2000) we became pretty good friends. She was going to school at Emerson in Boston, and that fall I went down and stayed with her at her apartment (I think I was on my way somewhere, but I can’t remember right now). We kept in touch by e-mail, and I was completely in love with her.
February rolls around and I figure I must do something about this. I write a love song to her (now, I am an inherently shy and quiet about my emotions. I hate feeling vulnerable. This is 100 percent out of character for me). I give her a call and say, “oh, a friend is moving to Boston and would like to chat with someone who lives there… can he meet with you on such-and-such a day?” She says yes, and on that day when she thinks she’s meeting my friend, I was there on the Commons with my guitar, and I sang her the song.
She liked it, she says, but she doesn’t like me like that.
I was pretty bummed.
Auntie Em- I think you’re right, he was caught off guard. I’m hoping he did mentally kick himself in the ass on the way out!By the way, do you make up dumb excuses to see or talk to your mechanic Auntie Em?
I don’t dare do that with my plumber no since the “senior citizens” play those games too! Lord!!
Denise V- I thought that maybe the “I had a crush on you” thing may have not been the best way to put it. I guess I felt like I had to save face and If I was rejected it would be easier than if I had said “I have a crush on you now” or whatever. I have a guy friend who is married to told me that when he has a conversation with a female and he feels that she may be flirting or interested in him he feels an obligation to mention his wife somewhere in the conversation. He believes it’s not fair to his wife or the female to make her believe that he may be available. Maybe it would be easier if all guys did this.
My opinion is that, 9 times out of 10, if someone says “I used to have a crush on you,” it’s because they still do. It’s a way to safely gauge your reaction, to see if they have a shot.
A rare exception would be, say, if Fluffy were happily married, and said that to her 9th grade crush at her 20-year high school reunion or something.