We always seem to have a can of smoked oysters or a jar of pimientos or an envelope full of powdered black beans. I don’t know why.
My kitchen mystery, which I have mentioned before, is how I can manage to lose the twist-tie for the bread in less than ten seconds. Get the bread out to make a sandwich, take off the twist-tie, grab a couple slices of bread, close the bag… and the twist-tie is gone. I can spend the next 20 minutes looking for it but it is nowhere to be found. Just poof, vanished.
When this happens to me, I usually find it on the plate, under the sandwich I just made. If you don’t put your sandwiches on plates, this suggestion may not be helpful.
A practical mystery is how to safely clean my 60-year old metal cabinets. They’re powder-coated pink and green, if that matters. The other mystery is, how can I have what looks like so much cabinet space and still not have room for anything.
there are always shit loads of bread twist ties here, they multiply exponentially! Once a loaf of bread, bag of your assorted chip snacks and cereal bags are all resealed with clothes pins.
And if I had to look for one after using it, it usually ends up on the floor. It the husband unties the bread its on the table every time!
One time I told him that if I can collect enough ties from the table (that he should be taking care of, not leaving on the table) to strangle him, that WILL be happening…I got enough a week later but never used it! Still more and more ties being left. :dubious::dubious:
^ Now, how would that look on the death certificate–Bread-bag-twist-tie garrote? Absolutely hilarious, that’s how! Hand out copies at the wake! 
If you had any room in there it would be spontaneously filled by pinto beans and pimentos anyway.
My only mystery is why does the idiot cat insist on opening and exploring the base cabinets? There’s no food stored in any of them, but many’s the morning I’ve come in to find all the lower doors open. He also opens the pantry, but he’s after catnip - no big mystery there.
What disappears: teaspoons and steak knives
What spontaneously appears: boxes of cornstarch. At one point, there were 10. That must have happened the week the pinto bean fairy was on vacation.
You mean why you have them, or why such a thing would exist at all? Both are really good questions.
Do you have any vengeful pets? Do you lock your bedroom door at night?
I had a cat who insisted on trying to open the cabinet door beneath the bathroom sink (which was part of an en suite with my bedroom), especially while I was trying to sleep, and it would bangbangbang over and over again. I had to leave it open and not put anything toxic in there.
I have a set of dishes I acquired in the '70s. Twelve place settings. Used them for decades, and really started getting tired of them. I was waiting for them to break over time and when I got down to too few plates, would buy myself a new set. I finally realized that the plate numbers weren’t decreasing- I counted the dinner plates and I now had 13. Who sneaks in and puts another dinner plate (pattern circa 1975) into your cupboard? I finally just packed the damn things up and bought myself some new ones. The old ones live at our cabin now.
We have teaspoons coming out the wazoo. They seem to be multiplying. Maybe they’re running away from your house (with the dish?) to ours. What go missing here are dinner forks and soup spoons.
Also we have a light switch that doesn’t seem to do anything. It just occurred to me: Maybe it’s the soup spoon disintegrator switch.
We have a black hole in the kitchen where twist ties, milk tops, chip clips all go. Once they’re dropped, forgetaboutit, you ain’t never gonna find it. And, Cats, omg they are always on the look out for ways to irritate. If I am working in the kitchen, they are up on the island, knocking stuff off, meowing loudly (Siamese), swiping at me when I walk too close. It’s a battle of wits I rarely win. So it’s get out the treats and give them some, which just reinforces the behavior. I can’t win, I tell you!!
My cabinet doors have round knobs (likewise the lower bathroom cabinets) I buy ponytail elastics and loop them over the handles to hold the doors shut.
The next time you go there, you’ll probably find service for 24. :eek:
We tried that. Perseus merely yanks on them (BANG! BANG!) until we remove her from the kitchen.
This thread is turning into a cat thing, right? Maybe the cats are behind all these mystery foods turning up, strange things are happening peeps, I am calling the ‘myth busters’ as soon as I can find my phone. It is mysteriously missing at the moment. (Am I safe inside my head? IDK)
Oooooo! Bad puddy tat!
If it’s becoming a cat thing, it’s only because dogs never do anything wrong, amirite! 
Speaking of cat things, this morning after the cats had been outside (and back in) a few times, I found cat throw-up on the floor of my office. That’s not unusual, but the crunchies were little x-shapes. The dry cat food I buy doesn’t have any x-shapes in it, only round shapes. So one of the cats went out, found some other cat/dog food in the neighborhood, ate it, then came back in my house and threw it up on the floor? What was the message here??
Never mind. Rhetorical question.
Can anyone tell me why I have three containers of paprika in my freezer? (I know why they’re in the freezer–because I used to keep paprika in the cupboard, but one time bugs appeared in it.) But why three?
They do raid the litter box for cat fecal matter.
Perhaps that is why cats hoard kitchen knives.