We’ve got a steadily declining population of forks in my house. I don’t know where they’re going. We had matched sets. Now there’s a bajillion spoons and no forks. Somebody call Alanis Morissette.
When I was younger we had a spoon thief. My dad liked to blame my stepmom. She was a horrible bint, so I guess that’s the least terrible thing he could ascribe to her. Turns out though she was taking miscellaneous kitchenware to stock up the house she bought behind his back. Then she left us. With no spoons. The bitch!
So now I’ve been asking my wife if she plans to leave me. She responds incredulously of course, and demands to know what made me think of such a thing. I told her it was the forks, and she immediately got the joke and we had a good laugh.
We had a bunch of butter knives dissapear last year, and I figured it was the boys, bringing them into their room and them just not coming back out. We recently moved, and didn’t find the knives, so…
And a couple of weeks ago suddenly we were down to 5 or so forks, for no apparant reason. I am pretty sure the dog is not eating them, so…?? It’s just us and the pets now, as the boys moved out of state, so we can’t blame them anymore.
Maybe aliens?
I often get blamed as a silverware thief seeing as I make a living making things out of old flatware. I swear, however, that I don’t know where either of you live.
OP, I have your forks! I started out with fewer forks than knives and spoons, and just found 3 in a plastic bag 3 months after the move. I literally don’t know where they’ve come from, they’re not part of our (non-matching) set…
So, your forks emigrated to the Netherlands, were you not treating them right? Be honest now, had you been using them to eat soup?
When I went to Reno for an SCA event, I bought three used big, red craps dice to use for playing Champions. Years later, I now have six. I have no idea where the others came from.
Do you keep a large tub of Schwan’s ice cream in your deep freeze in the basement? My dad told me about some relatives of his who did, and that eventually all the spoons in the house would disappear from the drawer. People would take them and sneak down to have a little snack and hide the spoons. (I guess that a lone spoon to be washed could be incriminating evidence). Then the mother would have to declare amnesty so that she could get all her missing spoons returned.
I once let a foreign exchange grad student stay with me for a few days until she could find a permanent place to live. She rewarded my hospitality by stealing some silverware, though I can’t remember how I discovered this, and taking it to work (we were in the same department). Shortly after that I went out of town. While away I noticed one night that a friend was working late (Yay! Internet) so I had him go into her office and steal the silverware back. I’ve always wondered what she thought happened to the silverware, and find the idea of her just wondering where they went much funnier than actually confronting her. I clearly couldn’t have done it, because I was away, but who else would go into her desk and take only her stolen silverware?
I, also, have a problem with forks. Every time I do the dishes there seems to be one or two fewer small forks (the number of large forks seems constant enough). The only theory I’ve come up with is that someone who doesn’t live in the Eastern USA is sacrificing the forks to a storm god.
