Unwilling to give oral- should I dump him?

I need advice!

Back story: When I first starting seeing the current boyfriend, he was very keen on going down on me- just about every time, really. And, of course, I reciprocated with pleasure, because I enjoy it (not that I’d want to do it for 8 hours straight or something, but you know) and I know I’m really good at it.

Anyway, after about 7 months together (about a month ago), he just sort of… stopped. It wasn’t obvious or anything, and I figured he was tired or something at first, but it’s been way to long for just tired. Instead of going down on me, he’ll just finger me, and that about covers it. Of course I still give him BJs, I never stopped, and I don’t want to stop, but now I’m starting to feel a little… well… cheated. Every time I go over I think he’ll end the oral celibacy, but he never does.

I’ve thought about asking him about it, but I’m so fucking insecure ANYWAY and I feel like, if I did ask him or guilt him into performing oral, I’m sure I’d never enjoy it because I’d feel like he was only doing it from some sense of obligation.

So anyway, it looks as if I’m not going to ask for it, he’s not going to volunteer, and I’m considering breaking off the relationship. He’s never really been that inventive in bed from the start, but I felt satisfied before and now I no longer do. I haven’t gained weight or stopped showering or anything.

This is my first longish term relationship. Is this par for the course? He doesn’t seem to have lost interest in me otherwise. Do men get… lazy after a few months? Have you ever broken up with someone b/c they wouldn’t go down?

Jesus, ask him before you ask us, at least.

Yeah, I have to agree with Troy.

It seems a little weird that he’d be gung-ho at first, and then stop … he’s your BOYFRIEND, you should be able to talk to him about anything!

Maybe you have an infection down there - yeast or bacterial? That might be making it unpleasant for him. You could get checked out, to be sure.

Why not have a shower together, get thoroughly lathered up (literally and figuratively) and then when you go to bed, suggest 69?

Good luck.


Ask him what’s up (in a non-accusatory way, of course).

If you’re unwilling to communicate verbally about sex with your partner, then I’d say you’re likely to always end up unsatisfied in the long term (particularly if you can’t communicate something as straight forward as, “you used to give me oral sex all the time and you don’t anymore. I miss it”).

If you don’t ask for it, how does he know you want it?

Yes some guys don’t like giving oral. Some of those guys may do so at the begining of a relationship then stop doing so later.

You need to tell him what you want. I’m sure he sometimes tells you what he wants. Maybe oral isn’t his favorate thing to do. Since your letting him believe your happy with the sex life by not saying anything and he is happy with the sex he’s doing great so why bother with the oral he doesn’t like giving.

I’m jumping on the bandwagon here. I know it can be uncomfortable to talk about sex, but communication is mandatory for a satisfying and healthy sexual relationship. He needs to know what you want or you really can’t fault HIM because he isn’t giving it to you. I ran into a similar situation at one point… my boyfriend had sort of stopped putting as much time or effort into foreplay in general, and jumping right into it just wasn’t doing it for me. So I just said to him, hey… it seems like the foreplay lately has been a little on the “missing” side… let’s fix that. And he said you know, you’re right. He hadn’t really noticed so much because it was kind of gradual. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to, or anything. After that the foreplay got great again.

Same goes for being inventive in bed. Bring it up. Don’t say “hey you aren’t inventive” but rather “let’s try something new” and see if you can pull some creativity out of him.

Let me point out one more thing, ask him out of bed. Don’t ask him in the middle of it, it will be hard for it not to come out as accusatory.

Sometimes you just have to look your boyfriend right in the eye and in your best Mistress voice say, “I need you to lick my pussy RIGHT NOW! Get down there and lick my pussy!”

Usually works for me.

I don’t have anything to add to the excellent advice all ready given. but if you do break up with him, and need to talk, I’ll be the guy over in the corner licking his eyebrows.

Pretty much ditto here.

If you can’t discuss something as basic as what you want in bed then you’re not ready for an LTR with that person.

How YOU doin’?

snerk …Your 69th post.


My friend has a pair of panties that say “It’s not gonna lick itself!” I can send you a pair if you think it’ll help.

Definitely ask him what’s up. You have to be able to talk to your partner about these things.

But if what’s up is that he just doesn’t like giving you oral sex, and doesn’t plan to anymore if he can help it, then dump him.

Very well. But you are only to speak when spoken to. Now suck my toes. Good boy.

Worst. Coding. Ever.

Let’s try again, shall we?

But wouldn’t it be cool if it could?

Definitely ask him what’s up. You have to be able to talk to your partner about these things.

But if what’s up is that he just doesn’t like giving you oral sex, and doesn’t plan to anymore if he can help it, then dump him.

Maybe he found someone else who is getting all the moustache rides.

Damnit that’s the second time I’ve almost snorted something out of my nose today, and this time it was wine.

“You’ve got to lick it, before you kick it! You’ve got to make it soft and wet before you stick it!” Booty Call