Mr. Glargh torks me off. He is a cold, dead fish with no sexual appetite. Despite, being 19, that is. We have been together for about a year and a half. We have sex about every 3 weeks to a month or he’ll start to initiate somethign and just. STOP. It confuses me, frustrates the hell out of me and makes me very sad.
I’m not a bad looking sort, Asian, 21, could stand to lose a few pound here and there. I’m not some horrible beast, am I? What makes me so unattractive that some one who supposedly “loves” me just rolls over and starts snoring?
what the hell? Can someone give me some insight as to what might be going on here and what I should do?
A year and a half ago you were nailing a 17year-old? For SHAME!
I personally suggest you look into lingerie and latex and whatnot. Basic sexual variety isn’t really all that difficult. Gradually, you can work your way up to handcuffs.
I’ve tried asking him about it, and nothing seems to come of it. He says,“I’m usually tired.” I’m kind of at my wits end here. He sits at a fucking desk all day looking at cars and messageboards. What does he have to be tired about? He does even less than I do ( I work at the same place he does, doing more, and I have another part time job that takes up about 5-15 evening hours a week.
I just don’t like having to cry myself to sleep any more. I’m pretty sure he’s not cheating, but I kinda wish he was, so I could give him a swift kick out the door.
OK, strike the sex initiation, why don’t you go to therapy together? By virtue of even SAYING you’d like to kick him out, it makes me worry for your relationship.
Maybe he just has a lower sex drive than you do. MUCH lower. Which isn’t a crime, but…did you EVER have a more frequent sex life? I mean, if this is something new, then…what jarbabyj said. If it was NEVER any different, then…maybe you need to think about the things that made you marry him in the FIRST place?
NOT that I know anything. Because basically, I don’t. Except that sex is not the be-all and end-all for some people. And…it IS for some people. Gotta choose the kind that works for you.
I used to have a decent sex life (more than once a month). We used to, way back when. I think it was actually fun. I’m usually the aggressor and I usually get shot down. I may have an uncommonly high sex drive, I enjoy it immensely. Its not the only thing I look for, but it is a definite plus, ya know? The whole “chaste” love thing… not for me.
We’re not “married”, well, maybe in the “common law” sense. Nothing legal. It just kinda “happened”.
as to why we’re still together? It sucks to be lonesome, I guess. You invariably will be lonely if you’re a semi-intelligent techhead stuck out in the fucking boonies with these goddamn hicks and whole families named “Bob”. The dating pool isn’t very big hereabouts. Plus we work together. We have a decent amount in common, but I doubt we’d be very good friends if we weren’t in a relationship, and thats probably part of it right there.
We had a wee chat and decided that we were gonna try to be more loving and affectionate from now on. Hopefully, that’ll help.
my mother let herself be sucked into a 41-year hell of a marriage - by the time she got around to leaving, her options had been pretty much foreclosed.
[ol]
[li]He has a medical problem that is interfering with his ability[/li][li]He wants out of the relationship and is too chickenshit to say so. He’s just trying to make you become so dissatisfied that you leave.[/li][li]He’s gay. Yes, I am being serious.[/ol][/li]
A normal, healthy, heterosexual 19-year-old male would be all over a willing and ready partner.
Having been a 19 year old male I agree with what Homebrew said. Especially the last part. If a 19 year old isn’t interested in getting busy you probably need to be looking at exit strategies because in real world terms there’s likely to be serious underlying personal problems or conflicts with him you cannot do anything about. Move on.
I for one almost totally disagree with everything said here. I am a married 22 year old male, I have a low sex drive. 2 to 3 times a month is my norm. I have never had a high sex drive, even when I was 19. I’m not gay, I have no psycological problems, I am perfectly happy if almost blissful with my life and my wife. Glargh, he may be perfectly normal, but just has a low sex drive like myself. Luckily for me my wife has about the same drive as me, so it works out perfectly. Having a low sex drive is not always the sign of something wrong. If this is a real issue with you, and sex is that high on the priority list…then maybe you should move on.
I think you should look Waverly up when in NY. Word is that he is insatiable.
OK, honestly: sexual incompatibility is serious. As serious as any other incompatibility and you would not be shallow for thinking so and giving it careful consideration.
Is he on any medications? Anti-depressents can diminish sex drive, as can some illicit drugs.
Seriously it is NOT normal for a 19 year old dude to not want any.
Dr. Drew on Lovelines always says that guys who are cheating tend to “double-down” at home so as to throw off suspicion, so that may be an unlikely explanation.
Don’t dismiss the gay option. Have you ever caught him singing along to Abba? Does he know what a valance is? Is he indifferent to football?
