Diogenes: I’m gonna assume you’re joking. It’s better for both of us (well, mainly you).
maxx: Exactly. Nobody should be made to feel inadequate or abnormal for a lack of sex drive. I fall into the subnormal range, judging by these comments, and I don’t feel bad at all.
But I’m not in a relationship. If I was, and I wasn’t satisfying my partner, it would be different. Relationships must go both ways, and nobody should feel stuck in a bad relationship.
Devil’s advocate speaking up here, and at the risk of sounding like a royal prick:
How overweight are you? Have you gained weight since you’ve been together? Maybe he’s just not attracted to you any more. It’s not the end of the world. Move on. There are millions of guys who prefer the “fluffy” look.
Of course i was joking. I should have done one of those smiley things 
Recognizing this possibility is step one. Step two is closing the window without hitting submit, avoiding demonstrating that you are a complete cod piece.
LOL. Well I’m not here to hold hands and cajole.
It’s a simple fact. For better or for worse, in our society many people are simply not attracted to less than perfect body types.
Calling him gay from the outset is just laughable.
GlarGH, move on and spare yourself the pain.
He’s 19, in Hawaii and with a willing 21 year old Asain princess and he only does it once a month? WTF?! He is seriously ill and needs to see a doctor. He shouldn’t be behaving this way until he is in his late 30s and married.
When my husband was 19 and after we had been married for a year all of the sudden it seemed like he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore, we went from doing it all the time to almost nil, now we are 22. for about two years we were lucky if we had sex once a month- which really bugged me because I like sex, i like it alot, i want sex, preferbly a couple times a week. I asked himw hat was wrong and of course his answer was “I dunno” which drove me out of my mind. We went to counseling and doctors, but nothing changed. And then one day it came back out of the blue. ( his sex drive that is) I was glad he got out of that “phase”
Talk to him about it.
I had a similar kind of situation a while bck. It turned out that my partner was worried that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy me, so he just avoided sex altogether. Of course, I did point out that not shagging me at all was a sure fire way of making sure I wasn’t satisfied…
Basicall, we’d got into a sort of a rut. He’d stopped behaving in a sexual manner altogether. I felt uncomfortable initiating sex, because he gave the impressions of feeling uncomfortable about sex, and I don’t want to force anyone to do anything they’re not sure about. Plus he was bahaving in a very childlike way, making it impossible for me to see him in a sexual light.
We had to talk about it, and he had to take a deep breath and tell me what was gong on in his mind, or it’d never have got sorted out. If I could go back in time, I’d make sure we talked it through a lot earlier.
How is her body type “less than perfect” just because she could stand to lose a few pounds? I could stand to lose a few pounds myself, yet I also look just fine with those few pounds. There is no perfect body type. If her weight is not unhealthy there is no reason to call it less than perfect.
Could he be spanking the monkey a bit much when you are not around? This might explain the lower sex drive. You mention that you work an extra job. This certainly gives him the time.
Can you clarify this? Does this mean “Honey, how about a little jiggy tonight after dinner?” and then he falls asleep on the couch, or does he start the foreplay and then roll over in between second and third base and start snoring?
First thing, you need to talk to him. If you don’t get a satisfactory answer, then move on. You’re only 22, and there’s plenty of fish in the sea. And staying with someone just because you’re lonely is not a good enough reason for either one of you. It’s unfair to him and shortchanges you. You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better. Say it over and over until you believe it.
Then find someone who’s just as horny as you are.
The starting and stopping thing sounds like one thing to me: either he’s got sexual dysfunction, or he was sexually abused. If he never started to begin with, I could buy being tired. I could buy low sex drive. But if something is going wrong midway, that screams him being both having a normal sex drive, but then hitting a wall.
At 19, in our culture, I think you can probably rule out gay unless he’s in heavy denial. He’d know by now: maybe he’s too chickenshit to tell you, but he’d know.
The starting and stopping thing, though, is exactly what happens to victims of sexual abuse. They think they’ll be fine, they start things off, then wham: those memories get activated, they start feeling all creepy, and it’s all over.
Rarer, at his age, would be erectile dysfunction. He can’t keep it up, and he doesn’t want you to know: maybe he even blames his inability to perform on “being tired” himself. But it could be a sign of a serious medical problem, and at his age it’s almost always correctable.
In both cases, what you need to do is really talk to the kid and find out what the heck is going on.
wow. Who knew my sex life (or lack of there of) would draw so much attention.
We live together and work in the same office. I figure we’re together almost 85% of the time. If he’s getting some, its gonna be from his car, because I swear to god, I think he likes it better.
I have a bit of a tummy. I am not sayyy… “break down a wall and haul her out with a crane” fat, I’m not even Anna Nicole Smith fat. At the risk of sounding like Cartman, I’m not “fat” per se, I’m big boned. For scale, I would have to say I’m as big across the shoulders as a medium-small framed man. General body type: broad in the chest, lean in the hips.
The Mr. isn’t small himself either. He’s tall, broad shoulders and has put on at least 40 pounds since we’ve met.
Not when you know that he’s bi-sexual. It kinda makes me wonder that he’ll leave me for another man someday.
He has no problems with that… It comes poking at me in the mornings… while we’re at work… driving down the road… you know… that sort of thing.
I’m thinking it might be what Tansu is saying. I’m his first “all the way” sexual partner. Funny thing was, when we were first together, it was just damn good passionate loving… and as time progressed it stopped being as fun. He stopped trying as hard–> less fun–> less satisfaction–> he worries --> less sex. I’m kind of at my wits end. I’ll ask him tonight and hopefully we’ll get some resolution.
And avoid defeating ignorance and possible sound advice on the onset that it might hurt some feelings? Lets all avoid the truth if truth hurts? Accept all possiblities except those that may cause a tiny bit of a blow to the ego? The King that kills the advisors that say things to him he disagrees with, generally does not stay King long.
How the hell is it “defeating ignorance” to suggest to the lass that her man thinks she’s too fat to fuck?
I don’t really care about that crap.
I asked for ideas and got’em, thankee. And I think that Elusius had a pretty valid point.
shrug
GAH.
I think I’ve figured out why I’ve been snitty and in a state of constant outrage, though.
She was ignorant of the possible reasons that caused the situation she is in. Eleusis suggested a cause, which, if true would have alliviated her ignorance.
You twist the words so they sound harsh. Any benign statement can be twisted to sound malicious. That is your doing, and your doing alone. Don’t interject your personal bias into somebody elses statement. He suggested sound advice without sounding like an asshole. Which you seem to be pretty proficient at. (the sounding like an asshole that is)
MY wife and I are going through a simular problem. She is pregnant at the moment. Before she was pregnant we went at it like rabbits. Since then her sex drive is on and off about every other week. Unfortunatly mine has been getting lower and lower not because she isn’t the sexy beast I fell in love with anymore, it’s because I have so many things on my mind lately. SHe is going through the same thing as well. We are so focused on our stresses that sex goes right out the door. It’s frustrating but eventually our sex drives will get back on a normal schedule. Most likely after the baby is born.
I’d suggest the idea of the two of you seeing a counselor, not a psychologist. My wife and I go about twice a month and it has helped us out tremendously. Gotta have sex…
Damn I’m good. Several time zones, half a continent, then half an ocean, over the internet and through an intermediate person, and I still got a ping on the Gaydar.
“bisexual,” for a man = homo. They just don’t want to admit it.