I think if I have to ask, the answer is “yes”, but I thought I’d appeal to the men of the SDMB for whatever insight into the male psyche before writing him off completely.
THE SAGA:
He: 27, part-time student at my university, got out of a relationship with a live-in girlfriend at the end of March. Works ushering and doing techie grunt work at the regional theatre festival around which our town’s economy revolves. Says he is a “very private person”, and his behavior has, so far, borne this self-evaluation out.
Me: 19, full-time student, outgoing, studying hard and partying hard, if by “partying hard” you mean “seeing a play or two a week at student prices”. We got to know each other mostly through my theatrical outings (solo), and when we ran into each other at school he’d start conversations about the plays.
At the end of March (within days of he and his then-girlfriend breaking up, I learned later), a few days before spring break, I asked him out to dinner after a few weeks of seriously heavy flirting. He accepted, although he cited “complications” and didn’t name a date; he took my number.
Flash-forward to the Thursday before break. A mutual friend said, with the light of “I hate to tell you this and let’s go for kvetch and ice cream afterwards” in her eyes, informed me of the girlfriend sitch – Mutual Friend assumed they were still living together, when in fact it had only been a few days since Ex-Girlfriend moved out. I (rather acerbically, I admit) confronted the guy in question, informing him that generally accepted behavior is not to say “yes, I will have dinner with you” but “I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m living with another woman.” He said, “Well, I guess that’s it, then,” and I left in an a frustrated yet righteous huff.
Break came and went, I travelled to NYC to see plays and had a great time, returned and started getting into the swing of classes. Two weeks in, I got the following text message:
“Cucumber sandwiches!”
(I should mention that The Importance of Being Earnest is currently running in rep at our theatre festival.)
I ran through the people I knew to (a) have my phone number, (b) know the show well enough to throw that out there, and © know me well enough to assume I would catch it. After a few muffin-, teacake-, and bread-and-butter-related messages, I ascertained that it was the same fellow as before. When he started advances, I grilled him about the (ex-)girlfriend and eventually it came out that he was, in fact, single and prepared to take me up on the dinner-date offer from before break.
So we went out the third Friday of the term, and then the following Saturday and Sunday night. I thought we clicked very well – at least, I had a great time, and he fired off late-night text messages after dropping me off both night to thank me for the fun he’d had. (Nothing but kisses on the cheek at the end of the evening had happened on either night: he expressed unwillingness to get physically involved because he was on the rebound, and was afraid of [his words] “victimizing me”.) Sunday, we got a little tipsy and played the “share sexual histories” game, during which I spilled some juicy and embarrassing tidbits which in retrospect I really wish I hadn’t. After he drove me home, I asked when he was free again, and he said, “I don’t work Mondays.”
All right; I called him Monday afternoon after my classes to have him beg off, citing a nephew he wanted to spend time with. I called him again Wednesday to see if he wanted to do something that evening (he was working, he said), and then saw him at the theatre on Saturday, where we talked and laughed a bit during intermission, but he didn’t offer to take me out again and I didn’t ask.
The next Friday night, he called me: “If you think about it, isn’t the whole play really about a stupid handbag?” A few days later, a late-night text message: “Heads up, Cyrano [one of the summer shows] is going to be amazing.” We spoke about the show for a few minutes before I went to bed. No mention of going out again.
Last weekend, my mother was in town, and he was ushering; we exchanged a few words at intermission but I was mostly focused on making sure my mother had a good him. Thirty minutes after the show, a text message: “So, thanks for saying bye – what am I, chopped liver?” I said, “hey, my mother’s in town,” he pulled the classic “oh, I thought she was your sister.” I said, “we should do something this weekend!” He said, “Maybe, I’ll call you.”
Now it’s been a week since, and no call. I’ve all but written him off, since I figure – if he wants to spend time with me, he’ll, you know, spend time with me. Or heck, call me. So what think ye, SDMB community: really, is there any plausible way he is still interested in dating me? I’m taking the lack of effort on his part as a pretty strong signal, but he’s pretty cute and smart, and I don’t want to pitch him out if he’s still interested. Which I seriously doubt he is, but still. What’s the male take on this situation? Am I right in assuming he’s too chicken to say, “Hey, nothing personal, I’m Just Not That Into You, I don’t want to date but see you around the theater!”?
