UPS Lady: Who shoved a stick up your ass, and why take it out on me?

So last week, I decided I wanted my comic book subscription to get to my house a little quicker. It ships from a shop on the East Coast to my home on the West Coast. I had been having the books shipped Media Mail. They’d ship on Wednesday or Thursday, and arrive 5 business days later, Tuesday or Wednesday. If there was a three day weekend, for some bizarre reason the Monday off would end up delaying the arrival by two, and sometimes three business days.

So I decide I want my books fastrer, and change the shipping option from Media Mail to UPS. It’s a few bucks more, sure, but you get tracking and insurance included, and it’ll get here faster. Or so I thought.

The package shipped last Wednesday. I’m thinking, Media Mail, the slowest USPS form, arrives on Tuesdays, so I’ll likely be getting them Monday this week. Not so. I come home Thursday to find an infonotice on my door–the UPS driver had knocked and apparently left within about 5 seconds, because he was gone by the time Mrs. Six got to the door to accept delivery.

No problem, I think, I’ll redirect it for pickup and go there to get it. I use the UPS web site to redirect it for “same day” pickup (which turns out to be the next day, Friday). The local UPS center calls to inform me that they have taken the package off the truck and are holding it for me. I take the infonotice in with me, and the UPS worker practically scowls at me when I finally get to the front of the line. The conversation went about like this:

UPS: Name.
Me: Jackson Ryan* (not my real name)
UPS: Street Address
Me: 666 Canary La–
UPS: (Cutting me off) All I need is the street name. (Types on keyboard) It’s not here. You’ll need to call the 1-800 number to track your package.
Me: I used the web site to redirect it and got a call this morning tell me–
UPS: (Cutting me off) Did you call the 800 number?
Me: No. I used the web site and you guys called me and told me it would–
UPS: Let me try again. (types again) It’s not here. Call the 800 number.
Me: Can you track it from here using the tracking–
UPS: (Cutting me off) You need to call this 800 number (jabbing at it with her pen) to track your package (she circles the 800 number and jabs at it again).

So I go home and call the 800 number. The very first thing it says is if I want to track my package, I should go online to the web site. Throwing caution to the wind, I recklessly decide to use the phone to track it anyway. After reading my infonotice number three times, and the computer getting it wrong all three times, it prompts me to use the keypad to enter the number. I finally get my information, which is that the package is at the center I went to in the first place.

I go back, and this time a pleasant older gentleman greets me. I give him my infonotice, and the conversation goes like this:

UPS: What’s the street name?
Me: Canary Lane.
UPS: Your last name?
Me: Ryan. (UPS guy types on keyboard, goes in back and is back in 10 seconds with my package. He scans it and I sign).

I tell him about my previous encounter with the UPS lady. He tells me that they can indeed track packages using the tracking number, and that I could have used any of the half dozen tracking stations they have in the lobby to do it right there. He tells me that the lady probably used my first name to track the package, which was why it didn’t show up, but that was her fault for not asking specifically for my last name, and not reconfirming the information when she checked the second time. He also tells me to ask for him if this happens again (turns out he’s the shift supervisor).

I tell him that I’ll be asking people to either use the USPS or FedEx when I have the choice in the future, as I get faster delivery and better service from both of them, and that the USPS clerks are actually friendly to me when I pick up packages from them.

UPS: Slower than the Post Office, but at twice the cost!

Wait, so one person was a jackass so you’re swearing off their service forever? Christ, I’d be unable to do ANYTHING if I worked that way. Once I tried to pick up a package at the post office after receiving a note in my mailbox informing me that the package was waiting for me at the post office, and the guy at the post office told me that the package was not at the post office and refused to tell me when I might be able to get it - kept interrupting me and talking down to me as if I were five. I still put stamps on things and put them in the mailbox.

Now, if you’re swearing off UPS because they’re slow, that’s fine. But I think quitting using them because of one stupid bitch is jumping the gun. The second guy wasn’t a stupid bastard, was he?

Perhaps you missed the part about the delivery driver who didn’t wait for my wife to accept delivery. And the part about delivery taking two days longer than USPS Media Mail. And the part about the tracking system that made me enter the tracking number four times before I could get any information, which turned out to be the same information I already had. And the part about it costing more. Add all that to the rude employee, and yeah, I’m not using them when I can avoid it (some of the sellers I buy from insist on UPS, leaving me with no choice).

I like my UPS man. I live in a fourplex with a locked front door and no doorbell, and when he comes to the door he bangs really loud and screams “UPS MAAAAAAN!” so I can hear him. Anyway, I’m probably jinxing myself, but I’ve been having lots of packages delivered and sent lately because of Christmas, and UPS is actually doing pretty good in terms of speed and service for me this year. As opposed to that one year, when they sent my boyfriend’s Christmas present to Virginia instead of California and he didn’t get it until halfway through January.

The imagery evoked from your thread title is slightly cringe-worthy. And also strangely titilating.

We live out in the country… Mr. Brown is our friend… So is the Rural carrier… and the local cops… and … I get good service cause I am nice guy…


In the 70’s I knew a guy in NYC who would have a regular sexual encounter with a UPS guy who would drive up to his building, ring the bell and the two of them would go at it in the back of the UPS truck. Went on for years. The title of your thread brought back memories.

Heh - same here. There is only one clerk in the post office, and he knows everybody by name. I can go in to pick up a package and he doesn’t even ask for my PO box number - he just waves and goes and gets the package as soon as he sees me walk in the door.

The UPS guy leaves the package on the front porch if nobody is home.

sigh I love small town living.

What can Brown do for you?

The imagery evoked from your thread title is slightly cringe-worthy. And also strangely titilating.[/QUOT

Good catch!

It’s amazing that any UPS people would actually be able to wait on customers at a service center, given the many hours they are apparently required to spend hurling packages at the wall, stomping on them, and dragging them out in the rain to get soaked.

That was outsourced to the American Tourister gorillas.

UPS bad, USPS mediocre, Fedex good unless it’s training day.