As those who religiously read all self-absorbed posts by myself know, I used to work at a video store. I am still friends with a few of the remaining clerks, and was talking to someone we shall call John on the phone. I could hear him returning videos, which consists of opening each individual box to make sure that movies are rewound and in the correct box.
“Hurm.” Says John.
“What?” Swiddles inquires.
“It’s a blank tape in the Queen of the Damned box.”
“oooooh, put it in the VCR! It could be homemade porn!” Swiddles exclaims with glee. We eventually finish our conversation and hang up. Five minutes later, the phone rings. It’s John. He doesn’t say hello, just:
“Yea, it WAS homemade porn, and I DID put it on in the front VCR.”
Needless to say, they watched the entire thing, which was about 55 min worth. They were able to ID the girl in video as the customer, as they have pictures of the customers on their accounts. To all of our collective horrors, the dubing machine was broken, so they couldn’t make a copy of it. I didn’t get to watch it, because one of the clerks was in the back room was on break, and I didn’t feel like watching homemade porn with a heterosexual male I’m NOT sleeping with. Apparently, there was a futon scene, a hot tub scene, and one with a whole bunch of candles, so it was very dark to make anything out.
Even though they have a couple hundred non-amenteur porn titles in this store, somehow the idea of homemade porn is all the more exciting. As one of the clerks said: “IF I was to make that kind of video, for whatever reason, I would know where it was at ALL TIMES.” I hope the dubing machine gets fixed before they pick up the movie.
Maybe the UL is the fact that it was returned to the video store by accident. I mean, how many people don’t look at the label before putting the tape back in the box? How intelligent is it to make a porn tape without marking it so it is very clear (to you at least) what is on it?
A guy I knew in college, Greek exchange student, told me about his porn collection (not self-shot, just regular professional flicks). He lived with his parents, and his mother always cleaned the room. So, all the porn tapes had labels like “AEK Athens - Highlights 1994” and such.
(It’s a football team, ensuring his mother would NEVER pop in one of those tapes.)
Well, here’s the thing: the owner is a neurotic nut-head. THey still have the actual tape of the Queen of the Damned that they rented, and it’s completely out of character for him to let an $80 tape just disappear.
Further elements have come to light. A man had come into the store before the tape was discovered, and said he thought he had mixed up tapes, and that he had just returned Queen of the Damned. The clerk opened up the closest unreturned copy of said movie, and it was the right movie. The porn was buried under OTHER unreturned movies. (Back in MY day, movies never would have built up that way…) So the guy KNEW what he did, but walked away thinking he was safe.
Trust me, Trip. As soon as I get my paws on this bad boy, I’m running it to the media lab, converting it to real time, and putting it on the Net. Heh.
I really don’t advise you to put that tape on the net. In addition to it probably being illegal, I can’t imagine why you would want to something so awful.
I am sure that those people made this movie for their PERSONAL use, and you think it’s funny to put it on the internet?
I agree. I guess I can understand succumbing to the temptation to watch the thing, but making copies? Distributing it? Posting it on the Web? That’s sick. These are just normal people who made a mistake. They’ve done nothing to deserve that kind of punishment.
So… Swiddles it’ll be OK with you when your ex-BF uploads those pics of you and he and his friend in that three way get together you had last summer? Man you are soooo… cool.
Lets split hairs and say maybe you shouldn’t post it on the internet, but I see no logical reason you shouldn’t share it with a handful of discriminating dopers :).
I’m going to chime in with the “WTF???” crowd: Sure, it’s amusing that a customer accidentally turned in a homemade porn tape, but to make copies? Post it on the net? That’s cruel and disgusting. This guy has done absolutely nothing to you to justify humiliating him in this way, he just made a mistake. Please don’t do it.
Uh huh…see I caught on to my boyfriend’s porn collection–all labeled “Bowling.” Guys think they are so clever…as if I didn’t know what that dirty boy was doing when I was at work, and furthermore, that is just being stingy. I should have re-labeled them with the real titles “Giant Dildo Championships” stuff like that…that would have been funny…he he
