Alright… At my last place of employment, the urinals were INCREDIBLY close to each other. I was always hit with the option of ponying up next to the existing tennant, or checking myself into a stall. I always think less of the guys that go into the stall and just start urinating, because it seems obvious at that point that they are weirded out.
Getting to my point : if faced with the imminent peril of having to be shoulder to shoulder with another guy…with hands on your respective equipment…should you strike up conversation ? If so…what should be the few allowable points of discussion? e.g.: the bad/good weather, the sporting events of the previous night, (if in a bar or similar setting ) how hot the bartender chick is…etc
Help me out here. Its why i love those urinals in restraunts that have the newspaper framed on the wall in front of you. At least then you can look like you are busy reading instead of staring blankly at the tile 6" from your face and feeling oddly uncomfortable.
One of the wierdest urinal dilemmas presents itself regularly at a cinema here in Singapore. The men’s room has FACING urinals with a chest-height wall in-between (the urinals are affixed to this wall). This creates an uncomfortable situation where you are in fact looking at another guy whilst urinating. Now, this not only violates the whole, ‘no eye contact’ rule, but also negates the concept of the ‘buffer zone’.
The layout means that quite often one wall will have three guys pissing (out of five urinals) while the facing wall will have two (the ‘gaps’ in between the facing urinals). Mind you, the rules go out the window when a movie is about to start and all urinals are fair game!
But, as said, it’s very wierd and most blokes seem to prefer shoe-gazing rather than be caught eyeballing another bloke watering his horse!
> No part of your pants should be touching the floor during urination, if they are, you should be in the stall, not out here.
> Never brace yourself against the wall. If you have to go that bad, go outside, behind the building. And stop drinking so much.
> Never eat urinal cakes, no matter how lemony fresh they smell.
> There is no such thing as a chocolate-covered urinal cake.
> Even though you can lean forward a little and see who’s in the stall (off the reflection of the tiles), don’t do it. You don’t need to leave here with that image in your head.
> Even though urine is sterile and acidic, getting it on your hands does not count as washing.
> If the resident prior to you forgot to flush, it’s okay to just use the drain on the floor. But please be courteous to those in the stall and make an effort not to splash … it’s a common courtesy after that to offer a spoonful of peanut-butter as a sign of comradeship.
> Spell the alphabet on the urinal as you go … if you can’t make it at least to “E” you could have waited longer before going.
> Shake, baby … shake.
/Somewhat related hijack
The worst is when you are seated in a stall and someone chooses the stall right next to you even though there are other empty stalls. What kind of person insists on invading your zone by taking the stall next to your stinky dump?
/End related hijack
If there’s only one guy in there he should be in one of the end ones. So this guy is probably a pervert. The correct answer is to bonk him one on the head and knock him out. Then you use whichever one you want.
Two things I never see mention in these discussions.
Pick whichever urinal you choose but remember to stand as far back as you can. If you got a strong stream you can get bounce back or splatter on your pants. And the only thing to do is to burn your pants immediately.
Never ever lean on anything. After peeing some guys whip their johnsons around to get all the pee off the tip. That residual pee gets splattered on the side partitions and walls. If you lean on them you get generations of dried pee on your arms. And the only thing to do after that is arm amputation.
You guys are all a bunch of babies. Use whatever bloody urinal you like. You’re just pissing for cripe’s sake. This isn’t show and tell, the other guy isn’t going to piss on you or punch you or make a pass at you, your dick isn’t going to drop off if he gets a look at it and you won’t turn gay if you catch sight of his. Chances are he’ll mind his business, so mind yours and nobody gets hurt. Geez!
go to a stall, unzip, then loudly say, “boy, that water is cold!” (hoping that the guy in the adjacent stall doesn’t know the response, always delivered in a basso profundo voice: “And DEEP.”
Actually, in the OP situation, it’s best to simply give the urinator a firm slap on the butt, take the adjacent urinal, then tell him you have some limited mobility and would he please pull your johnson out of your pants for you.
Seriously, my only hard and fast rule is to examine the floor first and then never, never stand so close that my shoes are in the splash zone. Usually, this is no problem. At gas stations, sometimes this means that I have to deliver my pitch from 4-5 feet away, which is a little awkward and, unfortunately, only exacerbates the floor problem for the next guy.
Take the one right next to him, look at his shwanz, and say “Hey, nice dick” He’ll either leave in a hurry, or you’ll be unconscious, lying on the floor, pissing in your pants. Next question?
Someone did this where I work yesterday morning, there is now a big investigation to find out who did it. Whoever did it has to have balls of steel, how could you pull that off knowing someone might walk in at any moment?
The buffer rule should always be used. Have some guy rubbing elbows with you at the stall is the fastest way to painfully stop the flow.
On the related topic I feel the same buffer rules apply to the crapper. If there are more than 2 stalls the middle stall should always be empty. No exceptions.
I am a glutton for punishment. I always choose the urinal closest to a user. But the troughs… man, I can never be far enough away for that. And I always try and be as upstream as possible.
