jayjay, the reason a good amount of this post went on without a discussion about sex is because my OP was a bit of a rant at how stupid a friend of mine was acting in my eyes because she was having a pregnancy scare. This is her first sexual partner, he’s only been with one other woman, niether of them have any diseases, but the fact still remains that they weren’t using condoms because he didn’t feel like it, and she got scared she was pregnant. And that’s the issue I original posted about. I understand the whole disease thing, and I wholeheartedly agree that condoms are VERY important for preventing disease. What I don’t understand is the response from some people that “I just don’t like em, so I don’t use em.”
I know they cut back on the sensation, I know they’re a hassle, I know that in some instances it feels like it “kills the mood,” but so does getting pregnant when you have no way of supporting a child or any intention or desire to have one. My friend can barely support herself, and although they’re agreeing to live together, I’m pretty damn sure her boyfriend is not ready to get married, and I hate to say it, would most likely leave her if she did get pregnant now. His future means too much for him to be 22 and dealing with a kid. And that’s what I’m ranting about.
Several of you out there have mentioned you don’t use them, but you’ve discussed with your SO that if pregnancy occured, you’d support the child, raise it, and take responsibility. For you people, I commend you. But there are others out there who say they don’t because they don’t like condoms, and my girlfriend/I’m on the pill, so why bother? But these people don’t mention any aknowledgement of the possibility of having a kid. If they can handle a child and support it, great. If you can’t, cover it up.
And there are ways around a bunch of the “problems” people have mentioned. Condom too tight? They do have varying sizes, buy something bigger. One of my friends has a rather unpleasant reaction to the spermacides on most condoms, but they can find others and they do. If you’re not ready to have a child, is “Well, it just feels better” really a justifiable reason to run the risk?
I hear ya pldennison. I, too, am glad to be out of the birth control business (I had a tubal ligation after my last child was born.) My hubby and I have only ever used condoms for my convenience (less mess afterwards, you know), and only on rare occasion. But other than that, they’ve never been an issue, since we’ve been married almost 17 years and neither of us has ever been with anyone else. It really is a relief, not to have to worry about all that!
You know, every time I hear someone say ‘it just doesn’t FEEL good’ re: wearing a condom, I always want to ask them how they think it would FEEL to have herpes sores, or to be coughing up blood because their immune system is impaired and they’ve got TB. And to those who say it’s inconvenient, I’d say how inconvenient do you think it’s going to be when you have to take multiple pills each day just to stay alive?
I honestly think that all Middle Schooler’s should have to watch a graphic film on what having herpes, or AIDS or genital warts (hell–have a segment on all the more common STD’s) does to a human body. Maybe that’d make them think.
Well, maybe not that (although I’m sure you’d probably have a few that try to be cute–these are the same folks who would cheer and laugh during those infamous drivers education films when you see various unfortunates smeared all over the highway), but I CAN see some typical teenager thinking ‘it won’t happen to me’.
Don’t know that there’s any way to educate people out of that mindset other than having someone close to them catch a major disease so they can witness what happens first hand. Lord knows, that’s what it took to open up my eyes.
LaurAnge, I guess I don’t understand what you meant when you said that you’re not talking about disease but pregnancy. It’s not like you can choose one to be at risk of.
Condoms are essential for the prevention of disease. They are therefore essential, period.
I have an indelible memory imprinteded on my brain. Our 3rd form (year 9) science teacher standing at the front of the class and saying to us (just out of the blue and totally unrelated to the magnesium burning we were doing at the time) “by the time you are 20 (we were 14/15 at the time), one in four people in this class will have contracted a venereal disease they weren’t called STDs then)”.
He sure got our attention (as we each looked around and thought “which ones?”), and this is LONG before the days of HPV, HIV, Hep B etc even being on the scene…
Pepper and other people experiencing pain with condoms–not to be too obvious, but have you tried the large size? It can help a lot, we found…I’m sure you’ve thought of that, but I’ll just throw it out there anyhow.
(Enter me as one more who is very glad she has never had to worry about disease or disastrous pregnancy–monogamy and waiting till marriage can be a weight off your mind. We’ve only had a few periods of condom use, but we’re scrupulous about it when needed–like now, when we want to put off pregnancy for one more month.)
