Using Cell Phones in public places

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was a supermarket today and tried to pass by a woman in the bakery. She nearly stepped all over me. She did not realize this, because she was engaged in idle chit-chat on her cell phone. I picked up a little of her conversation, it was about the previous evenings entertainment. She remained completely unaware of my presence. I saw another market patron who was wearing one of those cell-phone-headset doowhoppies, so he could take a call and keep his hands free while he shopped. And then I got to thinking.

I consider the use of cell phones in public for meaningless conversation to be rude. But I’m not exactly sure why. To me, it just seems rude. And pretentious. Now maybe my sense of etiquette is somewhat eskew. I willing to admit that, right off the bat. I could be a complete nimrod.

So I’m wondering how the Dopers view it. Is using a cell phone in a public place for a meaningless conversation rude? Why do you think so? Now, I’m not talking about important calls. Emergencies are always important. I’ll even include relevant calls(such as ‘Where the hell are you, I’m waiting’ or ‘What was it that you needed me to get, again?’ calls) as important. I’m talking about idle chit-chat calls when out and about at the market, restaraunt, coffee house etc…(I’m sure we all agree that cell phone use in a theatre is worthy of a beating)

What say you?

2

I have a pet peeve…and it’s people who get upset when someone else uses a cell phone in their presence. Before I get flamed for this, lemme finish my thoughts.

I think the only reasons why anyone should care about what someone else does with a cell phone are:

  • The conversation is causing the yakker to become distracted, and he’s doing something that requires concentration (like driving a car).

  • The yakker is being loud and disruptive.

If someone is having a conversation on a mobile phone, and they’re not endangering anyone or being overly loud, it should be nobody else’s business whether or not the conversation is “meaningless” or “rude.”

Years ago, I got into an argument with my girlfriend aboard the Metro in DC. I got a call from someone at my company who wanted to update me on office goings-on while I was on vacation. I talked for about 10 minutes and then my girlfriend went totally ape-shit on me. “People don’t do that here,” she said. “It’s really annoying to have to listen to only one side of a conversation.”

What I don’t understand is why people don’t just mind their own business. I can understand being upset if mobile phone usage causes someone to accidentally step all over you in the supermarket (That’s called “being uncoordinated.”), but I can’t understand being upset if the person is minding their own business while they have a conversation with someone. While the conversation may seem unimportant to you, who knows what’s going on in that person’s life?

Mobile phone usage is not a crime.

3

This is the issue, and it’s not limited to telephoners. When in a public venue, one does not typically expect or desire to be privy to another’s conversation. But there are people who either aren’t aware of how loudly they speak or who think the world cares about the minutiae which define their existence. Perhaps this is perceived as more annoying when only half of the dialogue is made available for general consumption.

From my own unscientific experiences, the vast majority of conversational snippets I’ve heard from mobile phoners involve variants of “Guess where I am” - yep, if I ever have a cell phone, I’m gonna call my friends and let them figure out where I’m standing while I’m talking.

4

I stepped out of the convenience store the other night and heard a woman shouting and swearing very loudly. I scanned the area thinking that there was going to be a fight but I couldn’t see anyone.

The shouting and swearing continued and I then noticed a young woman about 100 yards away coming in my direction. She had a cel phone to her ear and was tearing a strip off someone who had wronged her, presumably her boyfriend by the conversation I heard.

This tirade continued as she had passed by me and as I drove home I passed her about half a block away… I could still hear her swearing over the radio in my car.

It seems like everyone here owns a cel-phone and I am usually amazed at what people discuss in public with no thought that other people are privy to their conversations, however dull those conversations might be.

Spooje- these people were strangers to you and aside from almost being run over there’s nothing here that should be considered rude.

It would be different if you were with someone and they decided to engage in prolonged conversation with someone else without good reason.

5

spooje, it’s just something we have to live with. It’s more stupid than rude. Any technical advance that achieves mass saturation is going to be used foolishly by the teeming millions, look at cars. It really is nobody’s business if someone wants to chat with a friend via a headset while they are grocery shopping, it’s a free country.

There’s some kind of mindless prejudice against cellphones building. I was having a business lunch with some friends on an outdoor deck this week. One of us felt his cellphone vibrate (no ringing noise), took it out of his pocket and spoke normally into it. The waitress came over and said no cellphones allowed on the deck.

I work for six companies including two of my own. I meet in bars and restaurants more than I do in offices and I spend a lot of time walking downtown streets from office to office. I am a pure entrepreneur…no job security, no benefits, survival of the fittest…and my cellphone is vital. If I take a call during the day it is usually business and I have to take it. If it’s personal or social, well, that’s a real person on the other end and they get a little bit of chat because I value my social contacts.

I’ve got a right to make a living and I’ll fight for that right. Other than the usual, reasonable, in a theatre or driving a car restrictions, I have the absolute right to talk on my cellphone in any public place. No stranger has the right to comment on it. They don’t know me or anything about me. Not everyone has the same lifestyle. The person you see talking on their cellphone at the grocery store may not have any other telephone.

Bit of a long maudlin post…I guess my opinion is that it’s something new we’re going to have to get used to. When you say “I consider the use of cellphones in public for meaningless conversation to be rude” there is a flaw. Total strangers can in no way judge if someone else’s conversation is meaningless.

With all due respect, if you have anti-public cellphone use prejudices, reflect on whether or not you are just resistant to social change, being a bit of a Luddite, and disrespecting the rights and freedoms of those around you. Those who are offended by public cellphone use would change their tune quickly if they found themselves in a lifestyle position where they required a cellphone to keep in contact.

You have a very good point about people bumping into you or otherwise being rude and stupid while talking on their cellphones, but it’s not the talking on the cellphone that’s rude.

6

I think it’s rude if the person is talking REALLY loudly, innapropriately (like using Bad Words, sexual topics etc) or is ignoring people around them that they should be paying attention to IRL, like the checker or other shoppers. But all this applies also to those shopping while chatting to someone who is right next to them in person. Meaningless public conversation isn’t rude per se whether it’s on a cell phone or in person.

I’ve “gone shopping” at the supermarket with a girlfriend of mine…each in a different store, but we go through the aisles comparing prices & such over the phone. It’s kind of fun! I hang up before I get to the checker though.

I’m a moving target much of the day and don’t have access to a landline. Friends, employees, clients & family all know they can get hold of me on my cell; and I do carry it with me all the time. If I didn’t, I would come home after a long day & have 20+ messages to listen to & answer…which can take me hours…that’s why I got the cell phone, among other reasons.

I turn it off when I’m in some kind of situation where my attention shouldn’t be divided. I have heard cell phones going off in classes, movies & concerts…now that is rude. A church going friend tells me the minister has to make announcements asking people to turn off cells & pagers before services. There are definitely times when it’s downright rude.

I think anyplace it’s OK to stroll around & talk to someone who is right next to you, its OK to talk on a phone.

7

I won’t use my cell phone at a restaurant table – I think it’s incredibly rude to the others at the table. If I absolutely must take a call (and thank God for caller ID), I’ll excuse myself from the table and go to a lobby area or outside so I won’t disrupt things.

That said, it appalls me how people will abandon their table mate(s) for long periods while they yap away on the phone. I’ve seen some who are on dates (guessing this, because it was one man and one woman at a small intimate table) and one person will make or take a cell call and talk on and on, while the other person sits there staring at the ceiling or counting ice cubes in the water glasses or whatever. Drives me crazy, and I will not do that to my own companions.

I also don’t care much for people who forget (or just don’t bother) to turn off their cell phones in performance venues – cinemas, the symphony, concerts, whatever. Same goes for pagers. I carry both a cell phone and a pager for work, and I’m careful to put them both on their “silent alert” modes during periods where the noise of their signals would bother me or anyone else around me.

Otherwise, however, public cell-phone use doesn’t bother me. I kinda find it entertaining, in fact, when I can only hear one side of a highly charged conversation. If it’s really loud and it gets to be very distracting, I may slip into “Goddammit, shut UP!” mode, but I’ve only encountered that once or twice.

I’m a bit of a voyeur that way, so I’d just as soon overhear it now and then. :smiley:

8

Are you sure your girlfriend wasn’t complaining about you being rude to her, rather than to the others on the Metro? I’d be pretty annoyed if my SO took a call that lasted that long and seemed oblivious to my comfort. He could take a call that long if he were doing either the eyerolling thing that says “I’m going to get this bozo off the phone as soon as I can, but it’s tough,” or even if he put his hand over the phone for a minute and said, “I’m going to have to take this, honey, it’s the office and I don’t know when I can catch up with them again.” But if he just answered the phone and jabbered on without acknowledging that I was waiting for him to finish, I’d chew him out for it.

9

Now that’s exactly what I’m talking about. I do not own a cell phone, but I ever do, this is how I would use it. Somewhere in the inner recesses of my ravaged mind, I have the idea that my call should not be made in the presence of others. It seems to me the polite thing to do when you get a call is move to the side, out of the way of things.

Again, I have no real clue as to where I got this idea

10

What if you had gotten a call at home? She would have only been able to hear one side of that conversation. Maybe she was paraniod that you were somehow talking about her?

I’ve also seen people in the grocery store, (“They’re out of arugala; should I get romaine? What kind of dressing do you want? Italian? French? How about cereal? Do you want Froot Loops? Capt’n Crunch? Go see if we’re out of coffee. Do we need aspirin?”
I think that’s a little silly, but certainly not offensive, unless of course you’re is so engrossed in the conversation that you’re running your cart into other people.
(no offense Carina!)

I think the basic day-to-day use is okay, unless the person is being really loud or rude or offensive (swearing), or having a shrieking fight with the other person on the line.
There are still some people who want everyone to know that they have a cell phone so that makes them important! They have a loud ringer, they let it ring several times before answering, they act annoyed at getting a call (“What now?”), and talk really loud, so we all know how important they are. That’s what’s rude.

11

As long as the person turns their phone ringer off or turn the phone completely off in appropriate situations, (church, movie theaters, restaurants, etc.) they aren’t being loud and disruptive and they’re paying attention to where they’re going and what they’re doing I don’t see cell phones in public as a problem. I make sure I turn the ringer off my phone if I’m in a restaurant or a movie theater but if I’m going through the grocery store or Wal-Mart or something, I’ll talk on it while I’m shopping. It really doesn’t matter if other people can hear my side of the conversation and it doesn’t matter if the call isn’t important. Even if it’s just a friend calling to chat I’m still going to take it and talk while I’m shopping. I’m not being loud and disruptive and I’m able to walk and talk at the same time without bumping into people and things so it really shouldn’t bother anyone if I’m talking on my cell phone.

I also agree with Kinsey. People who think having a cell phone makes them important are just irritating.

12

I have a cell phone… I didn’t want one (I friggin’ HATE talking on the phone, period!), but it became necessary for bidness reasons…

I agree with spooje; I find it kind of rude when people are chatting mindlessly on their cell phone while wlking around… but I’m not sure WHY I feel it’s rude! It’s just a gut reaction… Maybe it’s that Seoul is such a f***ing noisy place that I resent anyone adding to the noise with no real reason…

But the absolute height of rudeness is when I am teaching, and a student’s cell phone (EVERY student has one, bar none!) rings… they invariably answer it IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CLASS! And the conversation is invariably: “Hello?.. I’m in English class now, where are you?.. Oh, OK… see you later! Bye!” My lecture or my activity (whatever we’re doing at the time) comes to a complete halt while all of the rest of us listen to this inane conversation… I just stare at the offending student for a few minutes, and everyone begins to laugh. Embarrass them, I say!:smiley: (before anyone asks: yes there ARE other ways to deal with this situation in a classroom [take the phone away, punish the student, kick the student out of class, etc.] but my style of teaching doesn’t allow that. It’s hard enough to get a Korean student to speak in English to a foreigner in any situation! Try to get them to speak to you after you intimidate/punish/humiliate them! I dare ya! I double-dare ya! I DOUBLE-DOG dare ya!;))

13

I generally don’t carry a cell phone - I have one in the car glove box for emergencies or “I’m running a little late because I’m stuck in traffic” calls. Anyway, a few of the things that annoy me:
[ul][li]“Cute” and loud rings like the opening bars of “Fur Elise.” It sounds great when played on the piano (well, not if it’s me playing); on a cell phone it’s just annoying.[/li][li]People who don’t turn the phones off (or at least change them to vibrate) in places like the movie theater, live theaters, and quiet restaurants. I don’t much care if it’s a family style, generally loud restaurant, but if it’s someplace with some ambience, it’s really disruptive to everyone in the area. In a theater, no one really has any business leaving their ringer on (vibrate is ok) or answering the phone in the theater, ever, but people do it all the time.[/li][li]None of my friends do this, but if they did, it would annoy the piss out of me. If I am out with you and your cell phone rings and you answer it and it’s nothing important, tell the person you’re busy and that you’ll call them back later. Don’t have a 10 minute conversation while I sit there like an idiot. The same principle applies if you get a call on your land-line phone at home.[/li][li]I’m not sure exactly why this one annoys me, but it does. The other day I was in the ladies room of a fancy department store and a woman was sitting down in the stall talking on her cell phone loudly about nothing.[/li][/ul]
As far as why hearing someone on the cell phone is rather annoying at times, I think a big part of it is that personal conversations that used to be made in private are now in public, and you are sometimes forced to eavesdrop (because of the volume) and hear things about total strangers that you really don’t want to hear. I have no problem with anyone using a cell phone discretely in public. Of course, those using it discretely are not the ones that any of us notice. And I think that some of the people that aren’t so discrete want to be noticed, either consciously or unconsciously.

14

This one’s a hot topic for me…

I see no problem using cell phones in public as long as you are paying attention to what you’re doing. I don’t see that there is much difference than if the person was there walking with you. However, if you can’t walk and talk at the same time, don’t do it. Wait until you have the time to pay attention to what’s going on around you and then make your call.

What DOES drive me insane, is taking personal calls on the cell phone at work! The ringing is disruptive since it seems the ringer must be on full blast. We have phones at our desks with direct phone numbers, we have the ability to take messages so that you can get back to your family, etc., do you really need to have your cell phone on?

This may bug me unduly since I work in Technical Support. We have rush twice a year and when fellow technicians put customers on hold to answer their cell phones – it just grates on my nerves! Meanwhile, the rest of us are forced to take up the slack since they’re dragging their call out by putting the customer on hold and yakking to their friends, family, etc.

As an aside: The whole cell phone in the car thing drives me nuts. How is it any more dangerous than talking to someone in the car with you? Yes, I can see them legislating the use of a headset so you can keep both hands on the wheel (but how many people do you see on the road with one hand on the wheel and doing nothing else? Are they causing accidents?), but to ban cell phone use in cars is just ridiculous as far as I’m concerned.

Granted, some people don’t know their own limitations and ruin for those who do use their phone responsibly.

End of rant

15

Yes, I’m sure. And I don’t think I was being rude to her. She knew it when she got into the relationship that anytime I came down to see her that I was going to be on a digital leash. She seemed to think that people in DC don’t have phone conversations in public, which really pissed me off because I didn’t see anything wrong with it, and I make it a habit to conduct business, etc. over the phone when I’m on the train. Otherwise, the time spent in transit seems like quite a waste, if you ask me.

If the call wasn’t important, I would have told the person on the other end to get lost. As it turns out, though, I was getting some information about how things were going on a project I was overseeing.

This used to be the case, but mobile phones are so ubiquitous these days that no one else gives a crap if you have one. It’s not a status symbol any more. Not when the wireless companies are giving the damned things away and it’s routine to see 15-year-old kids walking around with mobile phones.

Anyone who gets upset because someone is yakking on a cell phone needs to take a long, hard look at why they’re getting ticked off. Is it really because they think it’s rude? Or is it because all of a sudden they’re not the center of attention anymore?

16

I agree pretty much with porcupine.

Spooje, I have a clue as to why you might find public cell phone conversations annoying. Because listening to anyone chatter on and on an on and on and on, under any circumstances, is annoying as hell. And in order to be heard, people sometimes speak louder into cell phones than they normally would.

The rule of urban living is that you preserve your little island of space and largely pretend the people outside it don’t really exist. It’s how we city dwellers keep from killing each other. But when our little island of space is invaded by someone nattering on and on, it makes us crazy. Commuting, shopping, driving, using the lavatory, walking down the street are traditionally quiet, solo activities for many of us. We can let our thoughts wander. Loud, public cell phone conversations cut through that. You can’t shut your ears even if you want to. Having a cell phone means you literally NEVER have to stop talking. And most of the conversations I’ve overheard make me realize how little anyone really has to say.

Secondly, many people who are on cell phones aren’t paying any attention to anything else that they are doing. They will step on your feet on the bus, ram their shopping carts into you, take twice as long to pay the cashier because they can’t talk and take their money out as quickly, all the while they chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

I applaud restaurants that ban cell phone use at tables. Set your ringer to vibrate, check your caller ID, and if you want to take the call step outside or to the lobby. What’s so hard about that? The ringing of phones and the constant motherfucking chatter detracts from the atmosphere the restaurant is trying to create.

My sig sums up how I feel about “cutesy” rings.

17

I’ll bet that what Thespos is describing is a result of a betrayal of people’s social expectations. Prior to cell phones, people expected that if you accompanied them physically you also accompanied them emotionally. Think about it - Thespos’s g.f. probably would’ve been equally pissed if she were speaking with him and he were staring into space, clearly not listening. Here, she doesn’t even have the option of speaking - he’s already consumed with an outside distraction, even though the physical space they’re sharing is one where she has a reasonable expectation of his attention. If she were dropping by his office, it would be completely different - she’d expect him to be receiving calls. But during their together time, no.

So that’s a long-winded way of saying that a little apology is probably on order.

18

It drives me nuts, too. Unlike some people, I can drive and talk on my cell phone without becoming a traffic hazard.

I have a theory about this. Usually when people are on a phone, the parts of their brain not dealing with the phone go into auto-pilot. You might play with the phone cord, walk around the house aimlessly, doodle, etc. It becomes habit. This is usually fine, except when you happen to be doing something that requires your attention, like driving. If you habitually go into auto-pilot when on the phone you have to have the sense to break that habit if you’re driving. I gather from observation that not many people do.

Personally, I may get distracted by traffic and miss part of a conversation while driving and cell-phoning, but it’s never the other way around. It’s like they teach in flight training: fly the plane first, everything else second, talking on the radio last.

19

Mags, as usual, that was brilliant. I agree with every word you said.

It’s interesting to me that this topic was brought up today, as I experienced some cell phone annoyance on Sunday. I was at the airport, waiting to board a plane. There was a woman standing about two feet away from me who was talking LOUDLY on her phone. There was probably 50 people sitting there (quietly) who could easily hear her conversation. I just kept thinking, all she had to do was walk about 30 feet, over to the bank of payphones and the bathrooms, and she would be annoying/disturbing NO ONE. How hard is that to do?

20

Who gets to decide on the meaning and importance of my conversations? How can a stranger judge what is idle and what is vital chit-chat? I agree—some people can’t talk on their cell and navigate a grocery store aisle, some people shouldn’t drive their cars when on the phone, but I was almost run over by a woman last month who just plain wasn’t paying attention—no phone in sight. I have been stepped on in the store by people—no phone in sight. Rude is rude and some people are rude no matter what: they don’t need a cell phone to be any ruder. Addressing the pretention of cell phones, how uppity can a user be when a cell phone is cheaper than cable TV or DSL?
I turn my phone off unless I’m expecting a call. I turn it off in class, in the theater and out on dates. I take it everywhere and try to be considerate in my use of it, but then my mother instilled lovely manners in all her girls.