Valentines Vitriol

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Call me a bitter and twisted individual if you like, but I swear, this whole Valentines extravaganza is worse this year than it’s ever been. It is inescapable. Ok, that card shops are going to look as if they’ve been vomited on by the Giant Hearts and Flowers Monster of the Planet Smush at this time of year I can accept, but my local butchers??? It has strings of love hearts over the minicing machine and signs reading “Brains Faggots: Perfect for that intimate Valentines dinner”, and “Don’t say it with flowers - say with offal!”. I open my newspaper and it’s got a competition to win “The Perfect Valentine’s Day”. I read a broadsheet for a reason, you know, one of which is to avoid this sort of swill designed for the hard of thinking. Turn on the TV and it’s nothing but adverts for stereotypical boy-meets-girl Rom-Coms to watch with your honey on Valentines - I’m sorry, but if you can’t think of anything better to do on the supposed “Most Romantic Day of the Year” than watch a film, then you probably don’t deserve a relationship. Or you’re 12. Get a flyer through my door for my local supermarket and it’s full of adverts for special offers for “chocolate flavoured body massage lotion with added champagne truffles and red roses and the top 100 greatest love ballads”. Plus two-for-one deals on indigestion remedy for when the whole soppy extravaganza gets too much for you and you become violently ill. Even the SDMB has turned against me, as those of you who I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt to and think of as just touchingly naive rather then mind-bendingly stupid rush to reply to “Isn’t Valentine’s Day Great” threads. It’s as if the whole world has been flooded by pink and red sticky sweet slush and I’m the only one without a life jacket.

Before any of you start thinking of posting any patronising replies telling me that love is a wonderful thing and the right man is out there for me somewhere and I’ll find him as soon as I stop being so cynical and borderline psychotic, let me reassure you that I don’t feel this way because I’m single. Yeah, there are things I miss about being in a relationship (regular sex, mostly), but there are a lot of compensations to being on my own. I can take of and go on holiday whenever I want to, without having to make plans to suit someone else. I never, ever have to watch sport. I can allow my leg hair to grow so long I can plait it. Best of all, I can trundle along quite happily without ever having my equilibrium sent spinning off into the stratosphere by the whole “OMG, why hasn’t he called? He said he loved me, so why hasn’t he called?! I knew it, he only said that to get me into bed. Or…what if he meant it at the time, but then once we’d slept together he realised I’m physically repulsive??! It’s my bum, isn’t it??? I knew it, I’M HIDEOUS!!!” insane reaction that love provokes in me. No, it’s the hypocrisy that gets me. If you really love someone, you don’t need one day to show them, because you do that every day, in your actions and words and thoughts, not by a bunch of wilting flowers and a teddy bear with “ME 4 U” written across it’s front. But I suspect that those you who celebrate this day so fervently actually haven’t found true love, and you know that, but you’re so terrified of being alone that you’ll go to any lengths to cover up the cracks in your excuse for a relationship, including sending each other cards with bile-inducing poems in them (which, by the way, are probably written by a computer programme, or at the very least a bitter divorcee who finds it’s the only she can make any money and take care of her 6 kids since their father ran off with his secretary and left them), and book tables in “romantic” (i.e: poorly lit) restaurants, where you hold hands across the table and tell yourself that it’s a sign of the strength of your relationship that you are completley comfortable with the silence, because you’re so in tune with each other you don’t NEED to talk to communicate, when in actual fact you simply have nothing left to say to each other.

Single people will have the last laugh though, and I’ll give you an example of why. This is a quote from a holiday brochure:

“The Canal D’Amour is north of Sidari. The name comes from the belief that swimming through a natural archway - that has since eroded - brought eternal love.”

Don’t you just love the delicious irony of that? This natural symbol of eternal love has crumbled into dust. I believe there’s a message there. Send all the cards you want, buy flowers, eat oysters and drink champagne, make your protestations of eternal love. The divorce rate is higher than ever before, and more and more people are choosing to remain single. Sooner or later, we will all die alone.

Happy Valentines…

*Note to mods: I realise that this wee rant would have been better suited to the Pit. But I’m off work with a bad back and therefore have borrowed my mum’s work laptop, a machine with a such a strict obsenity filter that is has a panic attack and accuses me of gross perversity if I even so much as try to open that forum. Sorry.

2

I wondered where you’d gone.

Valentines day is a holiday invented by Hallmark to make money out of saps. Witness my mate at work yesterday. “look what I bought for my boyfriend for VD (good initials eh?) a little cake and some candles that say I love you.” me:" you think he’ll like that sappy shit?" her: " I like it."

Bleegghhh.

As for staurday, I intend on getting completely annihilated, and if any pub I go ins got hearts or anything thats pink thats not usually there, it will be destroyed.

At least when I had a girlfriend this time last year she hated all that shit too.

3

After 20 years of wedded bliss, my husband and I have yet to waste any money or effort on this so-called holiday. OK, I sent him a card once. But that’s been it. This year’s day of love will be spent at my mother’s house taking our stuff out of her attic and doing laundry. Romantic, huh?

My observance of VD the last 3 years has involved sending cards to other Dopers just because it’s fun. I mock the jewelry store ads and my only interest in their heart-shaped chocolates would be the day-after clearance sales. Heaven help me if I ever need a designated day to declare my love.

4

This site may interest you:

http://www.meish.org/vd/

5

@^^^$$&&"!!! I can’t swear because of the afore-mentioned puritanical pc. Neither can I access this site. B****r.

6

I never bought into the Valentine’s Day/Sweetest Day you-have-to-prove-your-lov-by-spending-money-on-sentimental-crap myself, but Patti was, and I always ended up having to remind myself to stop off on the way home and pick up a card and maybe a box of chocolates. But I never forgot to stock up during the after-holiday sales.

This year I don’t need to remember. And I wish I did.

7

Nah, once upon a time, Valentine’s Day had a real value. According to my copy of The Book of Common Prayer of 1552 (a handy desk reference if there ever was one) February 14 was the day for a sermon on the subject of “love your neighbour as your self.” That’s the kind of message we don’t hear enough.

Wouldn’t it be great if people were encouraged to do stuff for their friends and neighbors on VD? To shovel your neighbor’s drive, or fix a leaky roof? To give money to local charities instead of blowing it on a talking teddy bear or a shiny rock, that will be put in a closet or drawer and forgotten about? To spend time volunteering at the local soup kitchen instead of at an overpriced, dimly-lit restaurant? To say, charity begins at home, but it doesn’t have to end there?

Hijacked is the word I would use. The real winners on Valentine’s Day now are diamond companies and greeting-card companies. To this kind of VD, I say “Bah, humbug!”

8

This being MPSIMS, I will censor myself.

Valentines’ Day can go f*** itself.

Nuff said.

9

Cheers to you Jennyrosity!
When I was young, I did believe it was the day to go all out.
Now?
Feh.
This year I shall be home, alone. LilMiss has a sleepover birthday party. I’ll prolly order a pizza (NOT heart shaped as has been pushed by the many pizzarias locally), rent a movie or two, and play cribbage online. A friend asked if I wanted to out to a bar with her (she’s single also). NO way in Hades! Cruising the bars on VD? ~shudder~ My sis asked if I wanted to double date with her and her fiance- he “has a friend who would be PERFECT for you!” ~shudder~ That, to me, strikes of desperation.
Nope, would rather be alone, thanks.

10

Valentine’s Day makes me sick! I hate the day. I hate it, hate it, HATE IT! (damn, I wish this were the pit!) The day only makes those of us who are frustrated with and discouraged from dating and relationships, to further realize how inedaquate we are. The day just tells us what we are already missing out on (namely a good piece of ass) and then rubs it in like a handful of salt in a fresh open wound.

The whole day is pointless, anyway. If you really love someone, you should demonstrate this love every day and in a genuine fashion, not just on some artificial day made up by greeting card companies and anyone else with commercial interests.

I can hardly walk into any place of business without seeing the sickly displays of red hearts and all the pink teddy bears and other crap being peddled to the insecure masses, people who are pressured to present such tawdry gifts to their sweeties for fear they will be dumped if they fail to do so otherwise. The booking of a “romantic” evening at some candlelit dining venue is an artificial gesture at best, as is a box of chocolates, flowers, or pink teddy bears holding a cutesy “I WUV YOU!” heart-shaped sign. At least I can take consolation in saving myself money and not buying into any of this garbage year after year.

As a former member of the dating pool, I know how this wretched day brings about enormous pressure on a person to make a good impression on his or her sweetie. It’s not like Christmas, where you know your family will still love you and your friends will still accept you if you don’t offer a gift or offer a poorly chosen gift. Valentine’s Day, however, can often make a or break even a good relationship, and the fate of said relationship often hinges on the perceived value or the imperssion of the gift in question. I’m sure the high expectations of the day have brought on many breakups and fights, and when this happens I just LOVE to see it! Oh, the irony! How satisfying it is to go out on February 15th and see torn-up Valentine’s Day cards in the street, decapitated stuffed teddy bears sitting in the gutter stained brown from the dirty water, and smashed, run-over heart-shaped chocolate boxes with tire tracks across them.

My bitter hatred for Valentine’s day is why I dress in black on that day and listen to music like Dark Funeral and Cradle of Filth and watch horror movies. If it wouldn’t get me fired, I’d go around work the day before and pop each and every damn Valentine’s Day balloon I see floating above the cubicles. I’m not quite so mean-spirited enough to go out of my way to ruin the day for those who feel compelled top observe it. I’ll leave them alone and let them suffer on their own, but I’ll be the first one to laugh at the people who break up on this day.

11

I’m with you Jennyrosity.

Mawkish, irritating, exploitative. And those participating have the nerve to feel sorry for me for being excluded from the sorry load of *******.

Will spend a fair bit of the day in the pub, hopefully not in high dudgeon.

12

Jennyrosity I am the right man for you. Cynical and boderline psychotic is all I can hope for in a lady. Lets skip the formalities. Will you marry me? I will make your life grand. To you your tirade is a rant, to me it is pure poetry. Psychotic? Fine by me. Take it all out on me honey. I am here for you. Berate me, ruin me, take all my money. It’s all fine by me… I only ask for your love or the occasional taco. Please consider… thank you my sweet.

13

Ha! Join the queue son.
:smiley:

14

Oh man you already made your move? Normally I’d respect that but in this case I just can’t my friend. I’m sorry - I must follow my heart and my dreams.

15

dabs away tear

Oh, that’s so romantic.

Darn, now I got a hankerin’ for a taco.

16

dwc1970: all I can say to that is “me too”.

17

I’d be careful there. Paulberserker’s already fought off
one challenge . He might be getting blood thirsty again.

18

I will spend a good part of Valentine’s Day in Everfrost beating the snot out of giants and the like, the rest of the day will be devoted to watching my girls play basketball. I shall buy myself a buttload of chocolates on Sunday when they’re 50% off.

19

Though I am not single, in fact I’m very recently engaged, I totally getchya!

I’ll be happy to once again, open my door to a delivery guy whose face is almost completely hidden by a massive bouquet of roses. What woman wouldn’t be happy to receive such a delivery? And I’ve recently received an email telling me that “someone special” has put a “declaration of love” in a newspaper to be published on February 14th. Life is good! It didn’t take him spending $200 (minimum, but probably much more) for me to know that he loves me, and he knows that. But that’s the price it costs to “keep up with the Jones”, so to speak. Take that $200 and buy me a great rotary saw, I say. But I get it. And I’m thankful. And I love him.

But WOW! That’s major cash. And if one couple in ten spent half of that, around the world ~ that’s some serious cashcow we have created. On the other hand, it’s one day a year for lovers. It’s nice. It feels good to be someone’s Valentine. The thing is, every day should be the same. In my case, it is. He treats me like a queen. But on one day of the year, it seems you have to spend a LOT of money to prove it. That’s totally wrong.

In the email I received from the newspaper, it said: “To put in a message for your love, click here.” I clicked. I contemplated it; I was curious to see what they offered. At first I chose a cute little logo with 2 cats (their tails in the shape of a heart), then I wrote a few lines. Nothing deep, just enough to express my very basic feelings. “To see how your ad will look, click here”. Which I did. Awwww… Isn’t it cute? “Total cost: $115.47” WTF? Ends up the cute cats were $50. Ok, take off the cute cats and nix some semi-redundant words. The lowest I could get it down to was $58, to be worthy of a message at all. Screw that.

I’ve already sent him a card ($5) and a small gooshy Hallmark teddy bear (not the kissing couple kind, where the girl bear blushes when their snouts touch). Problem is, he’s in Australia and I’m in Canada. I’d pay through the nose to send something bigger or more fragile. I hand decorated the card envelope, complete with red lipstick kisses. I spritzed my Ralph Lauren Romance perfume on the bear and sent the package on its way. In all, I guess with postage included, it cost me $20. He’s already received the package and is thrilled. He smells the bear and it smells like me. But, he goes on and on more about my hand decorated and lip kissed envelope than anything else. That just goes to show ya.

Slight hijack: What pisses me off more than Valentines Day’s commerciality is what’s happened in recent years with Halloween. Back in the day when I was a kid, I made costumes from whatever we had around the house. One year I was a bum. Next year I was a football player. Next year I was an angel, complete with aluminum foil/coat hanger wings. On my last trick-or-treating year I was Boy George. We bought REAL pumpkins. We carved them and put an emergency candle in them. None of these Christmas light strings, with plastic pumpkins replacing the icicle/elf/Santa baubles.

I’d say in the past 5 years, every quasi-holiday has a distinct light set assigned to it, complete with at least a row of complimentary decorations at your local Walmart. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Walmart, but it’s out of hand. Now they sell 10’ Easter bunnies with an exterior lighting system inside them, to put on your lawn, like the recent fad of snowmen and Santas we see. It’s gotten WAY out of control. So in this light, I say Valentines Day has actually remained purer than other celebratory days.
I agree with the OP. There certainly are many advantages to being single. Once you get over the panic of not being part of a couple, you can certainly enjoy the benefits that go along with being alone. Alone is good. Until I hooked up with my fiancé, I was single for quite some time, almost three years. I had gotten burned one too many times and decided it was time to stand on my own two feet and that I was 100% of me, not 50% of a couple. G-d forbid that anything should happen to my coupledom now, I will never be afraid to be alone. It’s wonderful.

Cute fact (kinda): I always schedule my gynecologist apointments on Valentine’s Day if possible. Just like I’m reminded to change the batteries in my smoke alarm when we change the clocks, I am reminded by red hearts in every store that it’s time to see the gyno. I figure that if I don’t have a man to “take care of business down there”, at least I’ll have A MAN “take care of business down there”. Keeps the Love Machine healthy, and all. :wink: I know, I’m sick. But tell me it’s not a good idea! LOL

20

CheekyMonkey613 , you’re kidding me, right? Get out of my thread and stop gloating. There is no place for you in the Hall of Ultimate Bitterness.