Well, there’s some lovely glurge before the main site. Would you like some quotes?
My alignment is Chaotic Neutral.
My subrace is Dark Elf.
Rocky, eh? I wonder why he points him out specifically…
Ahhhh. He’s a wrestling vampire!
A wrestling NASCAR vampire!
OK, firstly…hott? And he’s a vampyre? He has to be a 15 year old.
Oh, and, a wrestling NASCAR incestual vampire!
15 year old, wrestling, NASCAR incestual vampire. Well, he’s got my vote.
Site is SFW if you consider references to Impalement (with capitals!) of enemies to be SFW ( no blood or gore, though). No worse than any Far-Right/Left website. Check it out, it’s fantastically funny.
Y’know, it’s threads like this that keep me hooked on TSD.
Maybe he plans to hypnotize the voters *en masse * during a televised debate. But in lieu of that, he should get cracking on a comprehensive platform to stoke public support.
He could promise to change the official state song [if there is one] to, say, “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” by Bauhaus. (That should give him a spike with Boomers and some Gen-Xers.) The new state bird would be the closest thing MN has to the vampire bat – the mosquito. And under his stewardship, public blood drives would enjoy a higher profile than ever.
But I anticipate difficulties in just holding his fringe political coalition together. As a vampyre, he promises execution by impalement; however, the Witches are likely to prefer transmogrification (i.e., turning the condemned into a newt or a mouse), and at least some of the Pagans will probably lobby for immolation-in-a-gigantic-wicker-man as the preferred method (NB: since this method is said to increase crop yields, the Pagan proposal will likely gain some support from Minnesota’s substantial farm lobby).
Perhaps he could modify his campaign plank to embrace all three medieval execution styles, with the procedural details concerning method selection in individual cases to be determined later. Gotta keep your core supporters happy…
Why couldn’t he have announced last week, when The New Yorker’s cartoon caption contest had a vampire in the cartoon (contest #34)? It would have been so much more timely – http://www.newyorker.com/captioncontest/