Originally posted by schpankboy
Legolas: You’re late. We thought we had lost the heir to Gondor’s throne.
Aragorn: Well, about that…I am not really Isildur’s heir…you see, it’s this new reality show where they try to convince Eowyn and Arwen that I am Isildur’s heir and then they have to fight over me. The truth is…I’m just a construction worker…I make $19,000 a year and I’m really just an idiot.
Thank goodness you’re back. Gimli was beginning to give me the eye…
So, does this mean I don’t get your record collection?
You say you fell off the rock, floated downstream for a while, had an out-of-body experience, and dreamed you were getting up close and personal with Elrond’s daughter? Please. I’m not an idiot, you know.
Got pie?
So, I’m still stuck with the dwarf on the back of my horse, right? Damn.
Here. (hands him Arwen’s medallion). It’s all in how you accessorize.
Aragorn son of Arathorn. You missed supper. No dessert for you until you’re king of Gondor and Arnor.
Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Gimli’s no beauty queen either. Why don’t you go insult him?
Gimli: GRRRRR! (brandishing ax)
Aragorn: Never mind.
Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: Let’s see . . . who’s got Gwahir Windlord at his beck and call? Gandalf. And who’s got Shadowfax, the fastest horse in Middle Earth? Gandalf. And what do I have? Brego, the Horse Who Thinks It’s Arwen. So if you’re going to ream on anybody for being late, why don’t you wait until Gandalf gets here?
(Legolas backs away during this tirade)
Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: (holds up hand) Shh! Did you hear that?
Legolas: What?
Aragorn: I thought I heard an effeminate wind blowing.
Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Well at least I’ve got pubic hair!
Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: WHAT?! Where the hell do you get off? Maybe you haven’t been paying attention, but I’m the one who has two of the hottest babes in Middle-Earth chasing after a little of the old “prima nocte” action! Who do you have, elf-boy? Gimli! And maybe Figwit. So just back off, man!
Legolas: I… I just meant that you’re all banged up.
Aragorn: Oh…sorry.
Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Sorry, I got stuck to a hyena.
Soldier #1: A hyena?
Aragorn: Yeah, a big one.
Soldier #1: In Rohan? The hyena’s a tropical predator!
Aragorn: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!
Soldier#1: Are you suggesting hyenas migrate?
–And from there it carries over to the Monty Python’s LOTR thread.
“Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been “You’re late” or could have been “Throw me down and shag me rotten.” Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.”
from VSD of Cassandra Claire
Oh, gawd, thanks! I laughed so hard reading it! Yes, I did know earlier about Theoden’s diary at this Live Journal site, but I had not scrolled down further to read part 2 of Aragorn’s diary. Great stuff!
Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: Not by my watch.
Legolas: But nobody in Middle Earth has a watch.
Aragorn: Then how can you tell I’m late?
Legolas: Well . . . um . . .
Gimli: You’re such an idiot, Legolas.