Variations of "You're late. . "

Some of us over at Rotten Tomatoes had fun coming up with variations of Legolas saying to Aragorn, “You’re late. You look terrible.”

This group here at Straight Dope has so many clever, witty members that I invite you to come up with your own variations.

Have fun.


My favorite so far:

Originally posted by schpankboy
Legolas: You’re late. We thought we had lost the heir to Gondor’s throne.

Aragorn: Well, about that…I am not really Isildur’s heir…you see, it’s this new reality show where they try to convince Eowyn and Arwen that I am Isildur’s heir and then they have to fight over me. The truth is…I’m just a construction worker…I make $19,000 a year and I’m really just an idiot.

Nice entrance. For a human.

Who does your hair?

Thank goodness you’re back. Gimli was beginning to give me the eye…

So, does this mean I don’t get your record collection?

You say you fell off the rock, floated downstream for a while, had an out-of-body experience, and dreamed you were getting up close and personal with Elrond’s daughter? Please. I’m not an idiot, you know.

Got pie?

So, I’m still stuck with the dwarf on the back of my horse, right? Damn.

Here. (hands him Arwen’s medallion). It’s all in how you accessorize.

Aragorn son of Arathorn. You missed supper. No dessert for you until you’re king of Gondor and Arnor.

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Hey, at least I got here before Gandalf.

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Yes, but would they have held off starting the battle if you were late? I didn’t think so.

jeanster–very flattered by your use of my quote in Rotten Tomatoes. (blushing with false modesty)

Hey, I only use the best!


Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Gimli’s no beauty queen either. Why don’t you go insult him?
Gimli: GRRRRR! (brandishing ax)
Aragorn: Never mind.

That’s great! Heehee! Thanks, Nithy!

Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: Sorry, I read the book but it didn’t tell me I was going to fall off a cliff.


Okay, how about:

Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: What, have the orcs already been here?
Legolas: No.
Aragorn: Not late enough, then.

Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: Let’s see . . . who’s got Gwahir Windlord at his beck and call? Gandalf. And who’s got Shadowfax, the fastest horse in Middle Earth? Gandalf. And what do I have? Brego, the Horse Who Thinks It’s Arwen. So if you’re going to ream on anybody for being late, why don’t you wait until Gandalf gets here?
(Legolas backs away during this tirade)

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: (holds up hand) Shh! Did you hear that?
Legolas: What?
Aragorn: I thought I heard an effeminate wind blowing.

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Well at least I’ve got pubic hair!

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: WHAT?! Where the hell do you get off? Maybe you haven’t been paying attention, but I’m the one who has two of the hottest babes in Middle-Earth chasing after a little of the old “prima nocte” action! Who do you have, elf-boy? Gimli! And maybe Figwit. So just back off, man!
Legolas: I… I just meant that you’re all banged up.
Aragorn: Oh…sorry.

Legolas: You’re late. You look terrible.
Aragorn: Sorry, I got stuck to a hyena.
Soldier #1: A hyena?
Aragorn: Yeah, a big one.
Soldier #1: In Rohan? The hyena’s a tropical predator!
Aragorn: The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land!
Soldier#1: Are you suggesting hyenas migrate?

–And from there it carries over to the Monty Python’s LOTR thread.

“Necklace returned to me by Legolas, yay! He muttered something in Elvish that could have been “You’re late” or could have been “Throw me down and shag me rotten.” Not entirely sure which. Must brush up on Elvish as do not wish to presume.”
from VSD of Cassandra Claire

OMIGOD! That’s brilliant! I’m sure CC would love it, too! Another great one by Nithy!


Actually, that one is by Cassandra Claire, from Aragorn’s Secret Diary, part 2

Oh, okay. That’s for clarifying that. I haven’t read his Part 2 yet.

Hi, Arden. I visited this site:

and clicked on Aragorn’s diary, but I couldn’t find part 2. Is there something I still need to do to reach part 2?

I noticed it still says 'updated 6/08/02

Any help you can give me with this would be most appreciated.

It’s not on the website yet. It’s in her Live Journal though, along with Theoden’s.

Her last entry was Dec. 29, when she posted she was England and currently working on Legolas, part 2. Which still isn’t posted :frowning:

Oh, gawd, thanks! I laughed so hard reading it! Yes, I did know earlier about Theoden’s diary at this Live Journal site, but I had not scrolled down further to read part 2 of Aragorn’s diary. Great stuff!

Legolas: You’re late.
Aragorn: Not by my watch.
Legolas: But nobody in Middle Earth has a watch.
Aragorn: Then how can you tell I’m late?
Legolas: Well . . . um . . .
Gimli: You’re such an idiot, Legolas.

Yeah, but he’s such a pretty idiot. Don’t ya just love him?

He was my favorite even before I saw the movie. And my copy of the book has a really ugly picture of him on the cover.