http://green.yahoo.com/news/nm/20080310/hl_nm/pope_sins_dc.html
This is too good a straight line – What New Sins Can You Suggest?
**1.) Hogging the Wii
2.) Picture Phoning People in the Locker Room, etc.
3.) Neglecting they Spouse for World of Warfare
4.) Internet Porn
5.) Texting from Church
**
Thou shall not send spam.
Thou shalt not turn blast the bass at an unreasonable volume while driving in thy ride.
How about the sin of fondling altar boys and covering it up for decades?
Thou shalt not be a jerk.
Thou shalt not hog all the shrimp and crab legs at the buffet line for verily there art others behind thee.
Thou shall not knock off the Pope’s mitre with a snowball.
Thou shall not use any vibrator, dildo, or bong resembling the Pope.
Thou shalt fight ignorance, yea, even though it takes more than 35 years.
Does it feel good? Then thou shalt not.
What if my sin isn’t on the list? Is it an original sin?
Thou shalt not delete thy spouses or roommates DVR recordings nor save over their saved games.
Thou shalt not sit down and put the last six pieces into a jigsaw puzzle that thy sister has spent seven hours on when she ran to the bathroom.
World of Warcraft, not World of Warfare. That said . . . yeah, that sounds pretty good.
Thou shalt taketh thy fair turn as guardian when it is time for the dog to relieveth itself, for is it not written “Bloody hell, I took her last night and it was FREEZING!”
Sorry.
Nom nom nom…crab legs…drool
Thou shalt not begin war under false pretenses.
Thou shalt not thereafter wage war incompetently.
Thou shalt not bequeath a sea of debt to thy children, thy grandchildren and thy grandchildren’s grandchildren.
Thou shalt not rule like unto a God-emperor when thou art not.
Thou shalt not torture thy prisoners, lest thy warriors be treated likewise when captured.
The Vatikan announces new sins? Pffft! What are they gonna do about it? Call the Spanish Inquisition?
Give the list to the guys running Saudi Arabia instead. At least you get punished over there. They will cut off pieces of you or kill you in some nasty way. Imagine the Saudi Arabian Inquisition bursting in the door saying…
“Dirka! Dirka dirka dirka jihad!”
Well, I wasn’t expecting that!
That’s hellfire and damnation right there.
Thou shalt moveth thy ass instead of stopping in the hallway every two feet to continueth thy conversation. Thou art buttheads.
When answering thy Bluetooth phone, thou shalt gesture and shout like a madman, so that the peoples of the world may know to avoid thee.
Thou shalt not cell phone and drive, nor speakith louder than normal conversational levels whilst in public.