Using the term flogging the bishop
Also, flogging the bishop (not really a new sin, but someone obviously needed a reminder.)
- When posting geographically pertinent questions, giveth thine location.
- Doth not announce life-changing moments by text message.
Thou shalt not read the Dope at work.
Though shalt not spread your legs far when in a bathroom stall.
Thou shalt not speak out and pass laws against things you do.
Cluricaun’s shirt
Thou shalt not assume that thou, the customer, art always right.
Thou shalt not make use of any manner of “teh 1337-5p34k.”
Thou shalt not be more loyal to thine political party than to thine nation.
What about LOLCats, which is at least distantly related to l33t? It now has a Bible translation to call its own, you know…
You haven’t read Genesis 22:1-15 (the event central to all Abrahamic religions, the sacrifice of Isaac) until you’ve read it like this:
Me. OW!
Thou shalt not leave empty items around the household. Empty milk cartons, peanut butter jars or empty toilet paper rolls should be replaced immediately or thou shalt be condemned to an eternity of a post-Taco Bell reaction and you will have to wander forever searching for a toilet stall with a full roll of paper.
Thou shalt not change the channel during a sporting event, especially if it be the championship, lest ye invoke the wrath of thy spouse who dost have the Lord’s blessing to pelt ye with Dorito’s and popcorn.
Thou shalt not forward urban legend e-mail unless thou hast thoroughly vetted their accuracy. And even then, thou shalt only do so when the well being of others is at stake; such as warning thy brethren to not feed raisins to thy canine companions.
Thou shalt always wear thy undergarments under thy garments, and keep thy thong straps from straying above thy beltline.
Thou shalt refrain from wearing thy yoga pants unless thou art folded into a human pretzel at the yoga studio, or art in transit to or from a yoga class.
Thou shalt observe the rules of pants colour - white pants shalt never be worn over bright undergarments, nor will black pants be worn with white gym socks.
Such is the Word of the Lord. Amen.
Thou shalt not lick thy thumbs to peel off a dollar bill and hand it over to me.
Thou shalt not give me thy garbage to toss away.
Thou shalt not talk on thy cellphone when faced with a cashier or ticket-taker.
Thou shalt not touch a pregnant woman’s belly unless she says you can.
Thou shalt not drive past innocent passerbys and splatter their coats and jeans with slush.
Thou shalt not neglect to ice and shovel thy walkways.
Excepting lest ye be most pleasing in aspect, and of the gentler sex, in which case thou mayest show off thy smallclothes as thou dost wish.
In fact, lick not thy thumbs under any circumstances, save when thou hast burned them upon thine cigarette; and try to keep thy smoking under control, for the Lord thy Og shall grant thee one pair of lungs only.
Thou shalt not order the most complicated coffee drink on the menu before the hour of nine, lest the poor souls in line behind you needst wait five more minutes for the morning jolt they are in desperate need of.
Thou shalt not turn up thy IPod such that sound from thine earbuds overflows thine ears and pours out to disturb others in the area. Then, thou mayest also gracefully accept the gratitude of thine ears in later years.
Thou shalt not have a cellphone ringer turned on in a theatre, cinema, lecture hall, church, or any other place where people gather to hear someone or something other than you. And when thou are alertedest to an incoming call by a vibration, thou shalt exit the room to answer it.
Thou shalt not wear a huge backpack in a crowded room if thou plannest to turn around at some point, especially if drinks, papers, or other objects are upon tables and likely to be swept away by your backpack as you turn.
I’m still working on the old sins.
Me, too! I’ve done 6 so far; if I ever have something to be proud of, watch out!
Thou shalt not f up thy governorship after a 70 per cent mandate from thy voters by consorting with women of ill repute, especially if thy wife be something of a milf, already.
Are to just accumulate sins? Does no one want to do a bit of spring cleaning on the old sins first before we make new ones? Seems more practical to that way.
Old sin= ye shall not have lustful thoughts re your neighbor’s wife.
New sin= thou shalt not post said lustful thoughts online.
old sin= thou shalt not worship false gods
new sin= thou shalt worship those who pass through the valley of American Idol
and in a fit of pro-activism, instead of reactionism, I hereby declare chocolate a blessed food. It is now part of communion at home for those who cannot partake in the worship service. I can see chocolate wafers with Jesus’ face imprinted on them–it’d be great!
That’s already a sin.
Thou shalt not transform whimsical, frivolous threads into yet another political whine-fest.
Thou shalt not erase the latest episode of your spouse’s favorite show until you have confirmed that she has already viewed it.
Thou shalt not lie and say that thou hast honestly performed thy enema prep before thy rad tech inserts ye olde enema tip, starts the flow of barium, and is thereupon bequeathed a River Jordan’s worth of vile ordure.
Thou shalt not takest the last beer from thy friend’s refrigerator without asking first.
Thou shalt not stealth fart in thine cubicle. Especially if thou sittest anywhere near me.
Thou shalt not microwave fish in yon breakroom microwave.