Well, I worship graven images, don’t observe the Sabbath and routinely covet my wife’s ass.
When thou art turning thy car in a rightward direction, thou shalt turn the steering wheel of thy car in a clockwise direction. Thou shalt not swerve briefly to the left before turning to the right. Right is the direction of thy turning, and to the right shalt thou turn.
Unless thou art in truth turning to the left, where, as before, thou shalt most certainly not execute a brief swerve to the right before turning to the left. Anticlockwise is the direction of thy steering wheel, and thou shalt turn it that way. Thou art not a fucking rally driver.
Is lust still out?
It’s my favorite.
How about “Thou shalt not give it in the face without prior approval”?
Thou shalt not house thine IT-worker-type employees in locations with no internet access, for verily such a hovel does barely deserve the name “housing”.
Thou shalt make it clear to thine employees what hours are they supposed to be at work.
Thou shalt inform thine employees of any change in their employment before the change is actually due.
Thou shalt not leave less than half a cup’s worth in a refrigerated container of beverage without placing a full one into the locker of refrigeration.
Thou shalt provide several sources of caffeine at the workplace which thee ownst.
Thou shalt not use thy cell phone in the bathroom, then give honest toilet users dirty looks for flushing, lest ye be smote with e-coli covered hands.
That was my first thought - they seem to have left that off the list. I am sure that it was just an oversight.
Thou shalt not present one’s own interest as the publics’ interest.
Also: I did not realize that there was an actual list other than the original Big 10. It must be nice to be able to decide what’s a sin and what isn’t.
You know, we have a club, if you wanna join. Wednesday nights at 8:00, Kiwanis’s Club.
Thou shalt not call your credit card customers repeatedly to offer them services that they hath previously declined, for such actions are an abomination unto Og and will earn thee a well-deserving smiting, or at least a suggestion from the offended customer as to the location where thou should insert thy credit card.
NOOOOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!
David Letterman once long ago, in a Top Ten list of Fun Things to Do in NYC, included “Check into a Times Square hotel and open the Gideon’s Bible; look out the window and check off the Ten Commandments as you see them being violated.”
Beware of Doug, you’re right about Mrs. Spitzer. Mrowr. (She didn’t look her best at the press conference yesterday, but that’s, um, understandable).
Thou shalt not nitpick.
Nah, nitpicking isn’t a sin. It’s a sin only if the nit you picked turns out not to have been a nit after all.
Spanish writer and Academician of the Spanish Language Arturo Pérez-Reverte has a weekly column in a Sunday supplement. Last Sunday his article was about getting mail from readers picking nits; he said that most are actually useful as they mean that the nit gets smashed by 2nd Edition. Some are quite absurd, if you have a passage where you mention the singing voice of a bird which doesn’t really have much of one those folks won’t just indicate that the bird in question isn’t much of a singer: their letter will give the bird’s scientific name, its name in seven different dialects and the names (scientific and common) of a dozen birds who share that one’s environment, as well as information on whether they do or do not sing.
Recently the Spanish Academy of the Language got a letter addressed to it (not to him at the Academy) telling the august institution that their member Mr Pérez-Reverte had made a horrible usage mistake in his latest book blah blah and this is unacceptable blah blah. He did respond to the sender: in Academy paper (“coat of arms and all”, he says), indicating the reference of the latest Dictionary of the Academy where the sender can see that his usage for the “mistaken” word is, in fact, correct, and recommending the usage of other possibly-useful volumes, for example their Dictionary of Synonyms.
Sounded like the sender was lucky not to have been literally hit with the dictionary. It’s hardcover and quite heavy…
If this be so then we are all, truly, sinners.
Let him who is without sin pick the first nit.
Y’know, this whole thing comes off as some kind of article on a corporate press release.
VATICAN ANNOUNCES NEW SINS, REVISED PRICING
VATICAN CITY (Roids)
Archbishop and VP of Product Development Gianfranco Girotti announced today the creation of a new batch of sins. Covering such topics as environmental awareness and genetics, Girotti wanted to bring the Vatican into modern times once again with the new lineup.
“People were thinking we’re getting stale,” Girotti said. “We weren’t keeping up with the times, resting on the old standards. People wanted more, they wanted modern, so we’re giving them that. We’re want the people to know that we listen, and we respond in a way the competition doesn’t.”
The new list comes right out of the gate with a one-two punch, listing “Thou shalt not pollute the Earth,” and “Thou shalt beware of genetic manipulation,” at the top.
“We want people to know that we are serious and we mean business,” Girotti noted. “Those two are hot-button topics, and by making sins of them, the people are assured of divine retribution for any who cross those lines. We got alot of positive feedback on those and many others.”
The Vatican was sly on the price of penance, however. “We can’t say just yet,” Girotti responded, “but I think the people will be pleased with the new pricing model. Let’s just say we’ll be ramping up the fear of God.”
The public’s reaction to the announcement has been positive. “I think it’s wonderful,” said Mabel Hornsby, the Archdeacon’s personal chiropodist. “I’ve always felt like I didn’t have enough to flagellate myself about, and it’s about time I had some good excuses to break out the whip.” La Panini Fangoulo head chef Gianini DiBlanco also concurred. “I was getting tired of committing the same old sins. This really gives me a lot more variety.”
Not everyone believed the Vatican had good intentions, however. One man who wished to remain nameless thought it was just religious posturing. “They’re making new sins for the sake of making new sins, trying to make themselves look better than the competition, but all it’s doing is giving people more rules to follow without accomplishing anything.”
Girotti wasn’t fazed, however. “You can’t please everyone, of course, but we feel that we are on the right track here to rebuild consumer confidence and reinforce brand loyalty with some exciting new products that will give consumers more ways to be at peace with God and to more accurately define their place in the afterlife.”
Required penance for the new sins will come into effect May 1st, but the Vatican assures us it will not be made retroactive.
Thou shalt not use the list of sins as a checklist.
Thou shalt pretend that I hath not stealth farted in mine own cube, as my bowels are cranky and verily they doth need relief.
Thou shalt not bitch that thou art a landwhale as thou doth quaff high fructose corn syrup as though it is thine own lifeblood. Thine landwhaleness is thus made thine own fault.
Thou shalt not threadshit.
Thou shalt not mindlessly accept every story you get from the media.
Why is everyone looking at me? I told you guys, I GAVE UP EVIL!!!