I have dietary limitations which means sometimes I attend a meal where there is little that I can eat. I don’t complain, because my diet should not impose unfairly on others, and it’s not like I’m starving to death. I can grab a snack before or after the gathering if I’m that desperate As far as bringing something - if SIL is that pressed for time she can stop at a store and get something pre-prepared/packaged to bring. Seems there WILL be something she can eat there.
When I have a cookout of the usual burgers and hotdogs kind, and if I know a vegetarian will be there, I try and provide a substitute like a veggie or mushroom burger. A grilled portobello mushroom on a bun can be pretty good actually.
That is if I KNOW they are a vegetarian. If they dont tell me ahead of time what can I do?
There were times when I had a very restricted diet. I felt it unfair to impose upon others so said that I would eat what I could but would enjoy the rest vicariously.
Yes, SIL is being a pain, but I’m going to say something contrary. If I invite people to come and eat at my house, I make sure everyone is catered for - singling the one vegetarian out for ‘bring your own dinner’ seems a little mean to me. I’d be embarrassed as a host if I hadn’t catered for them.
Mind you, I don’t inhabit circles where bringing food is a thing - if I invite people round for food, I provide all the food. They can bring a bottle.
I agree with this if I’m hosting and providing the food. If I’m providing some of the food, and the remainder is pot luck, I would expect all participants to bring something, and I would, as the hose, coordinate with the participants to ensure the person with a special diet has ample options for the meal.
The answer to SIL is that there WILL be fish on the menu, provided by these relatives, along with a variety of vegetarian friendly dishes, provided by these other relatives.
I’m enjoying the image of a carnivore family dinner, relatives gnawing away with bloody juices dripping down their chins, while vegetarian in-law virtuously pecks at a bowl of minced creamed spinach.
To piggy back off this, I’ve been a casual vegetarian for 6 years. As someone who shamefully has dinners that consist of “whole bag of chips and nothing else,” I certainly have no problem eating sides, or bringing my own food, or just skipping a meal altogether.
On the flip side, the standard in America is that meal = meat, and in 2019 the fact that a family can’t fathom putting together a family gathering without meat as the center attraction is… tiring? I think that’s the right word. Like, pretend you weren’t just doing this to accommodate a single non-blood relative. Could you plan a meat-free meal that would taste good and result in everyone having a good time? The answer is yes, you could, because my family does it all the time. I’m not saying that you have to become vegetarians because of your SIL, but at the same time, planning one meat free gathering shouldn’t stop the earth. It should be in your cooking repertoire by now.
Again, not that I would make a stink if meat was the main course at a family event, but planning a meat-free event shouldn’t feel like you’re making some huge sacrifice either.
Every year a friend of mine hosts a “Festival of Meat.” The offerings are truly astounding. But there are enough appetizers, salads, and desserts to satisfy a legion of non-carnies.
As long as there is SOMETHING she can fill up on, she should be happy to be invited - especially since she is failing to contribute with NO GOOD REASON.
In no way is SIL being singled out. How about my situation - I don’t care for shellfish. I have been invited places where the main event is lobster, shrimp or something. Everyone acts like it is so wonderful - I’d rather a PBJ, and would likely gag if I tried to eat it. So do I complain? No. I just load up on everything else. If I KNOW in advance that I won’t like what is being served, I make sure to eat BEFORE attending, so I don’t hit the door famished, and realize that I can always eat immediately after.
SIL is being a PITA. Just ignore her - or mock her among yourselves, depending on how jerky you feel like being!
Did I miss any discussion of the brother/sister - SIL’s partner? What their reaction/role in this kerfluffle is?
Agreed, and planning a mixed meat/fish/veggie meal is hardly unusual these days (I don’t advocate forcing 15 meat eaters to bow to one vegetarian). I can imagine that the US is a little more meat obsessed, but in the UK, most under 50s of my acquaintance are cutting down on their meat intake and are happily eating vegetarian or fish at least a few meals per week. With this shift in eating habits, I habitually put on dinners which allow for that fact that some people may be vegetarian - or may just not fancy meat that time. Sharing plates are a great way to cater for all tastes. Takes away the whole ‘What do we do with the veggie!!’ panic.
We had a couple of kids (twins) in our extended family who were vegetarians for 25 years. Get togethers are always potluck as we have 25+ people at any gathering. Someone always made a vegetarian entree in token of this. Cheese lasagne or something. To be deliberately inhospitable to a family member seems pretty darn rude. Although it seems the person in question has other issues. Maybe she already feels slighted, and would appreciate this expression of good will.
Commonly, people who have a chip on their shoulder like this are hoping that someone will see their need and fill it, although they are pre-angrified because they were slighted in the past. Getting self-righteous right back seems juvenile to me.
Is your problem the pesca/vegi SiL or the fact she shoehorned in an invite for her family to what was a dinner for your family? and are you more concerned with how dear ole mom is going to handle a largish gathering? SiL can be told to fend for herself or stay home or have dinner with her brother if the offerings aren’t to her satisfaction. As others have said, unless you are miles from anywhere, almost any grocer not far out of her way has a deli tray she can grab on her way over. Reading between the comments and it seems you are more concerned about any issues popping up that will set mom off.
Wow that is super shitty. My wife is vegetarian (ovo-lacto if you want to get specific) and it took a few conversations with my mother to get her to not do stuff like make a breakfast casserole and just not put the Canadian bacon in one corner of the thing and think that was fine. Thankfully she has now learned and no longer just tosses bacon bits on the salad but rather puts a bowl of them next to the salad. Nobody has ever complained about that, and it’s a simple accommodation that works for everyone.
And my wife always, always either brings something she knows she can eat (to share) or eats a few small meals ahead of time. No one is ever insulted that she makes the effort to take care of herself. Seems an odd thing to get offended about if you ask me, but I’m not your mother.
My family includes vegetarians, lactose-intolerants, gluten avoiders, MSG allergics, and low carbers. I’m not joking. Whomever is hosting a given gathering is not expected to accommodate all dietary restrictions, but reasonable efforts are made.
Some bring their own safe stuff, others pick and choose from what is available. Nobody fusses.
mmm
Good lord, if you can’t/won’t eat what’s provided at the shindig, you find a way to bring your own stuff or make do with what is available. That’s simple etiquette regardless of why it is you’re not eating the food provided.
I’m pretty accustomed to premaking food for family events. My husband is mostly vegetarian and lunch is his primary meal. When we go visit my mom - who can’t imagine a meal without a chunk of meat and whose primary meal of the day is dinner - I make a few curries, pack 'em up and bring them with me. Then we have pre-prepared lunches everyone can enjoy if they want, I don’t have to take up the kitchen to make something special and everyone’s happy. My husband still eats dinner, but eats small amounts and no one cares.
The SIL is making herself an unnecessary pain in the ass and most places have premade meatless meals you can grab on the go. Plus, it sounds as though there will be plenty of options should she not have time to pick something up, so she needs to sit down and stop being a prima donna.
This seems a bit hostile considering the only behavior that the OP attributes to the sister in law is that she “feels slighted,” presumably because the host made no effort to accommodate their guest.
Did you miss the part where the SIL refuses to make anything to bring for herself because she’s so burdened with a 4-hour shift that day, after already working a 4-hour shift that same week? Poor baby!
The family asked her to provide for herself or eat what’s there, and she’s making zero effort to prepare food for herself, so she has no right whatsoever to feel slighted.
Yes, yes, I’m sure she stamped her feet and threw a tantrum and said, “no No NO! I will NOT make my own food.”
We’re getting one side of the story, we have no idea how bratty she’s really being, but inviting someone to your house for dinner knowing that they’re not going to eat what you’re making and expecting them to just forage for themselves is bad manners, and I can understand feeling slighted. Being an in-law is tough, and if no one even bothers to make an effort after extending an invitation, it can feel like a nonvitation.
I get this kind of exclusion all the time. I have adopted a strict diet of medium rare rib-eye steaks, loaded baked potatoes and braised asparagus with bacon crumbles and Asiago cheese. Yet never have any of my relatives met my meticulous dietary needs and I’m forced to eat whatever they are serving.
