Because now I have a pretty minor but very annoying situation that I’d love to vent about and/or get advice on, and I can’t post it because I’m afraid the friend it involves might check the Board.
Darn it!
ETA: Not to be all mysterioso or anything, it’s not that big a deal, it’s just one of those things where I’m thinking “Hey! I can ask the Board!” and then realizing, no, better not. Guess I hadn’t realized how much I rely on you guys for common sense and other POVs. 
My wife. My daughter.
Yep, that’s it.
Do what the rest of us do – give up IRL friends and get all your emotional gratification here.
What?
Yanno, you could, like, email the situational info to someone and ask them to post, asking for help for “a friend” and then you could just read along…
… or not. That’s pretty lame. Never mind.
Use you telepathetic powers!
I’m ready to receive you query…waiting…waiting…waiting…
AHA!
Pancakes, you know what to do with them.
Well, how much information do you need, anyway? I thought you people were smart.
Okay, here’s the deal:
My friend [Name] has a [noun] that is very [adjective]. He/she asked me to [verb] the [noun] because it [verb] [adverb] and he/she has to [verb] in [name of place]. But it ends up the [noun] is very [unattractive adjective] and very [REALLY unattractive adjective] and it [verb] me off to find that I have to [verb] with the [HUGELY unattracive adjective] [noun] while [Name] is [verb + ing] in [name of place]. I also think [Name] knew that [verb + ing] the [noun] would be [adjective], but I’m not sure about that. So: (1) isn’t [Name] kind of a [adjective] [noun]? And what do I do about [noun]?
I await your wisdom.
Y’know, Jodi, just because you can verb every noun in the language, doesn’t mean you should…
First, you need to talk to [Name] and tell him that you wish he had been more upfront about [noun]. Also tell him that you don’t feel comfortable [verbing] with [noun]. It sounds to me like [Name] stuck you with unattractive [noun] so that he wouldn’t have to deal with [noun] while he was at [place] and [verbing]. Not so nice. Lesson learned–next time, don’t agree to [verb] with [adjective/noun].
This is either extremely innocuous or extremely dirty.
I always wonder if I should post certain things because my mother posts here. And it’s all my fault, too. Oh well. If she runs across a bit of TMI, too bad!
Bwhaaa… yeah, I realized this awhile back too, thus making my knowledge of the Dope’s existance my most selfishly guarded secret… this coming from a pretty giving guy. You can say whatever here, an option rarely available IRL, and that’s too cathartic to give up.
[evil laugh]
Mine, all mine!
[/evil laugh]
Cool; I didn’t know I’d wandered into the MadLib thread.
<nasty sibling voice> I’m TELLING! MamaTigs! MamaTigs!
d & rs
Dude, madlibs rock! I’m laughing now just filling in the blanks!
Okay, ready for my brilliant idea? The board could have an institutional sock puppet that the moderators could let you borrow for instances like this. You’d send the mods an email explaining why you’d like to use it, they’d give you the password, and you’d have the use of it for 36 hours. Handy for those occasions where anonymity is a must.
Jodi May have just established the template for advice seeking. Imagine the electrons saved if we just say. “Bob horse sexy sticky tree fenestrate slowly…”
My friend Dan Quayle has a wombat that is very spindly. He asked me to envelop the bear because it chews wildly and he has to go bowling in Hoboken. But it ends up the kumquat is very grotesque and very murderous and it carves me off to find that I have to race with the nauseating pencil while Dan Quayle is assisting in the Everglades. I also think Dan Quayle knew that smuggling the wallpaper would be funky, but I’m not sure about that. So: (1) isn’t Dan Quayle kind of a cardboard Kit-Kat bar? And what do I do about the coffee?
Jodi - did you get a mangy cat or dog from someone? One you have to give meds to or something while they’re off at work or on vacation? Please tell me I’m super intuitive.
Add me to the list of people who’d rather not mix IRL with SDMB. Even if that may have already happened, against my will.
Either that or a blind date from hell.
I kind of wish I had been here a couple of hours ago, but I’m not sure I could have done this justice.