This will be similar to any number of “movie cliche” threads, but I thought it might be fun. Here’s my Very Short Movie idea:
Aging hitman (or jewel thief or safe cracker) has had a very successful career and is ready to retire. But he is persuaded/forced to do One Last Job, which he has a Very Bad Feeling about…
…but the job goes perfectly according to plan. He retires with more money than ever to an island paradise.
In MAD Magazine many years ago, in their parody of The Guns of Navarone, right after Robert Warren Justice briefs Gregory Peck about the mission, he says it’s insane (as in the movie) and says he won’t go. Anthony Quayle chimes in, saying he won’t go, either, and saying that this ought to make a dandy short on “Military Briefing”.
My immediate thought on hearing about Jaws was that it would go:
–Shark scarfs down skinny-dipper
–They find out about this.
–Beach is declared closed.
–The End!
Star Wars Episode IV, Luke and the droids are at home when the storm troopers show up.
“Hi, Godot!”
A perfectly normal man and a perfectly normal woman go on a date, find out they have a lot of things in common, and get married.
Hero tries to outrun an explosion. . . .
I’ve long wanted to do the sequel to a slasher film like this:
Open on a flashback to the end of the first film. The heroine is finally able to kill the masked slasher – she manages to grab the gun, which had skittered under the car, just as he’s about to chop her with his machete. She shoots him until the gun goes click, and he falls back, blood pouring from his body. Then she sticks knitting needles deep into his eye sockets, and uses his own machete to chop off his head. Oh, and for good measure, she sets him on fire. The final shot is the coroner wheeling the dead body (parts) away, while the heroine sits on the back of an ambulance, wrapped in a blanket, drinking coffee, as the police take her story. Slow crane up and out.
Title: One Year Later.
Fade up on the heroine, all recovered, sitting in her living room with a friend. She says, “I can’t believe it’s been a year since that crazed masked killer butchered most of our friends. In fact – I think it’s been EXACTLY a year. I sure am glad he’s dead and gone!”
Slow, ominous PAN UP to the window behind them. There is a full moon outside. Dark, sinister, “something’s about to happen” music starts. Hold there for a long, long beat.
Then, PAN BACK DOWN to the woman and her friend.
“Yup, sure am glad I killed him and he’s dead and gone.”
The End. Closing credits.
“Mr. Ismay, I have a stack of ice warnings this thick.”
“Well, you’d better slow down then, Captain.”
(meanwhile)
“Mother, I’m not going to marry Cal.”
“Then you’ll never see me again.”
“Okay, bye.”
Space monster lands on earth, wakes up Godzilla. They decimate Toyko in 10 minutes and have a smoke afterwards. The end.
“These humans sure are unpredictable as power sources.”
“Agreed. Let’s populate the Matrix with cows this time.”
::credits::
Family moves into spooky looking house.
One night the walls start bleeding.
Family checks into motel and sues the Realtor.
Nerdy guy likes hot, unattainable girl.
Nerdy guy decides that instead of talking to girl, snooping around her house & workplace to find out info about her would be a better idea, so then he can try to be the “perfect guy for her”.
Hot girl catches him in the act, gets restraining order, and nerdy guy isn’t allowed to come within 300 feet of her ever again.
Scruffy but lovable petty criminal is ordered to coach a kid’s baseball team. Can this ragtag team of juvenile delinquents and misunderstood fat kids win the big tournament?
No, they can’t. They lose 8-2 in the first round.
Mysterious woman hires private detective. The next day, she is found dead. Detective turns all his information and notes over to the police and goes looking for a client that can pay him.
I’m sure you’ll appreciate this.
The woman is Suzy Favor-Hamilton, three-time Olympian
Idealistic freshman senator Jefferson Smith wants to set up a national Boys’ Camp at Willett Creek. Opponents try to smear him by making it look like he personally owns the land and seeks to profit by it. Smith decides against a tiring filibuster and announces he’ll sell all his holdings to the Federal Government for one dollar. Opponents are now screwed. The end.
Veteran police officer in a big violent-crime-ridden city, with a hero-complex-driven partner, has just two weeks left to go until retirement, passes them uneventfully, files for pension, and moves to Florida.
Teacher arrives at run-down school filled with hopeless-case students.
Declares them incorrigible, resigns.
Father takes his family on a vacation and they drive across the country to see the good ol’ US of A. They never get lost, never run out of gas nor ever find themselves without money or access to telephones (even in the early 1980s). They get to their destination (a big amusement park) where everything is open and running. The family has a good time and has an equally pleasant and trouble-free drive back home.
And the Realtor wins, because it says right there on the disclosure questionaire Dad signed, “Poltergeists, ghosts or bleeding walls?” and the seller checked “yes.”
A bunch of friends check into the spooky mountain cabin. Sitting around the fireplace, they hear a strange noise. They split up to search…
…then all return without incident.
“Must have been the wind.”
It was.