Vikings kick pirate ass

IMHO. Have I got the right forum?
Vikings kick Pirate asses because:
Vikings were stronger. Any viking you might see is always a seven foot brick shithouse, Pirates are scrawny, lucky to have all their limbs, or eyes. Could Captain Jack Sparrow beat Thor? Could he fuck.
Vikings were smarter. They formed settlements where they landed, built towns, roads…
Vikings had better hats. Those big cow horns? Agianst the black hat with the skull? I know what I’d like to wear in a fight.
What would you rather have in a fight? An axe, or a fencing sword? Thought so.
Pirates were scavengers: hit and run merchants. Vikings ;landed and kicked ass till there was no more ass to kick.
When vikings exhausted the asskicking potential of an area, they sailed upstream to find a new place to kick ass in.
Someone email Maddox and tell him he’s backed the wrong horse: Vikings were the most kickass seafaring people ever.

When the Norse went viking, they basically were pirates.

But anyway, comparing, say, the 9th century Norse to 19th century Carribean pirates, I’d have to give the edge the pirates. Better technology. Plus, they say “arrrrr” a lot.

Vikings do kick ass. And I would know, as I am one. In fact, I kick so much ass the king of France pays me to stay away from him. I do, however, have one problem with your post:

Horns? Please. Those things only give your foes something to hold onto while they slit open your throat. And as for your coment, Ponder Stibbons, Pirates saying “arr” have nothing on me and my Nordic brethren when we yell “AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!

Well, you know what? Ninjas would slaughter all those pussies before they even knew what had befallen their unshowered asses.


  1. Ninjas are mammals.
  2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
  3. The purpose of the Ninja is to flip out and kill people.

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

Pirates - still exist the world over
Vikings - extinct except on football fields

Pirates win by default.

Chuck Norris would do a roundhouse kick and take out the Vikings, Pirates, AND the Ninjas. The Ninjas might cut his head off, but it would only grow into a new Chuck Norris who would then team up with the disembodied head of Chuck Norris to roundhouse kick the Ninjas in the face. Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick his old body so hard it would go back in time and hit Hitler in the groin.

What the hell does Maddox know? He thinks Idaho is Heaven. :wink:

Zombies win–fast or slow, zombies are having Viking-kabobs for dinner.

That’s not a fair matchup! Thor isn’t just a Viking, he’s Viking god. He’d have to fight Pirate god.

I dunno. The Pirates have basically been irrelevent since 1992. Not just bad, but uninteresting as well. At least when the Vikings were bad, they were at least interesting. The Pirates may as well have not existed for over a decade.

I give my vote to the Vikings.

Lets not dismiss transport: Come on! The viking longboat? What a pimped out slaughter machine! Big carved dragon head at the front, can be converted from sails to oars, which the vikings row because they are stronger than the wind, and therefore mother nature herself. These cats gangbang mother nature and then go eat some coal so they can shit diamonds which they would use to buy new axes, IF they bought anything, which they didnt, they stole what they wanted while tearing civilisation a fresh dungchute.

The most popular form of suicide in the 800’s was pissing off a viking.
People that were’nt vikings wished they were.
Mead tastes better than rum. I said it! It had to be said!

I would like to follow this up by pointing out to CynicalGabe that there is no major league team called “the Ninjas”. So there. :stuck_out_tongue:
Also, I’m sorry, bubastis, but a pirate-laden man-o-war is going to destroy that longboat from a distance before the vikings even get time to curse the gods for their wretched fate.

Yeah, but that’s just because they all decided to make modular furniture and art films.

Maybe not a fencing sword, but a cutlass would be much better for me, I think.

Ok, lets play a little “Family Fortunes” (Not sure what you guys call it).

I surveyed a hundred people with the question “Name something you associate a pirate with”.

Our survey said:

1: Eye patch.
2: Leg/arm missing.
3: Parrots.
4: The “Jolly Rodger”.
5: Johnny Depp.

Next contestant, I surveyed a hundred people with the question “Name something you associate a Viking with”.

1: Genocide/ slaughter/ pillaging/ plundering.
2: Axes.
3: Two guys speared on a horned helmet, resting on the head of a viking as he sits drinking a cool mead with his buddies discussing the days asskicking.
4: People running screaming at the sight of a longboat.
5: Kirk Douglas.
Surveys dont lie people!!

Ponder Stibbons: Of course the pirates are going to try destroy the longboat from a distance :THEY ARE COWARDS!

A: All vikings are gods. Gods of Asskicking!
B: Is there a pirate God? Methinks not!

Hey js_africanus, you can back me up. You’ve been to Dublin, a city founded by Vikings. In fact, I’ll bet you took that Viking tour, where you cruise around the city in a motorised longboat yelling shit at people. Was that not the best feeling in the world?

Of course there’s a Pirate god! Where do you think Pirate Jesus came from?

Vikings? Pirates? Ninjas?

What are they gonna do against Shao-Lin Dinosaurs? Picture a velociraptor high kicking a viking, popping the knee of a pirate, and then eating the face off a ninja, over and over again, forever. That’s the future.

Woah, I stand corrected… Watch out Thor!