Okay, first things first, a title like that deserves some explanation.
It is my belief that Vladimir Putin, in collusion with the KGB, MI6, the Mongolians, the International Union of stupid-assed travel agents (a distinct yet densely populated subset of all travel agents) and possibly the Reverse Vampires, are conspiring against me to fuck me in the ass.
The conspiracy is hierarchical and is structured thusly. Vlad the Impeder, is the brains of the operation. He has somehow learned of my plans to visit his Great Nation this Summer and has determined that I must be a threat to National Security or
Aww shit. This is the second time today this board’s malfunctioned on me (or my computer illiteracy has been exposed, depends on how you look at it). I promise, a full OP detailing the specifics of the conspiracy is on its way soon. In the meantime I’ll get the mods to close down this one.
And no, I won’t put the bong down. If weed smoke is scrambling my brain, they can’t read my thoughts. Duh! :wally
Well, if you’re going to be screwed by a Russian head of state, at least Putin is cuter than, say, good ol’ Lyonya Brezhnev. Plus he even has two eyebrows!
Well I for one have you beat, Norah Jones, Emma Crosby and Christina Ricci are all involved in a global conspiracy to fuck me. And while I do find all the deception, deceit and Machiavellian scheming something of a turn off (not to mention completely unnecessary) I must say that all in all I am flattered.
Just remember, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you. (I hope I hope I hope,…
Aww Ben, it was much better when you rant was cut off in mid-sentence. It made it seem like they must have kicked in your door and you had to hit submit to get the ‘truth’ out.
