Voice Mail Karaoke (a.k.a. Abject Humiliation)

So New Jersey now requires a hand-free device if you want to use a cell phone while driving. Ok, fine, I already had one anyway. It’s a very nice unit – the speakerphone and mic setup are very nonobtrusive, and the thing sounds great from both ends of the conversation. Hooked to it is my Motorola flip-style phone. When you’re done with your call, you flip the phone closed and it hangs up. Usually.

I’m on my way to work this morning, and I hit a construction zone. It looks like my hour commute is now going to be an hour and fifteen minutes. Ok, no big deal, I turn the radio down and call boss to let him know. He’s not at his desk, so I leave him a quick voice mail letting him know I’ll be a bit late. I close the phone and crank the radio back up.

Now let me explain my vocal talents: They don’t exist. Yeah, there are maybe three or four songs out there that I can fake it enough to sound semi-decent, but as a rule my singing is one long stream of very bad falsetto. But hey, I’m all alone in my car, and I like to sing along. Loudly.

So there I am, now past the construction and tooling along the highway, singing along at the top of my lungs.

*"…Yeah somebody told me, that you had a boyfriend, that looked like a girlfriend, that I had in February of last year…"

“…YEAH! Cold hard bitch, just a kiss on the lips, and I was on my knees, I’m waiting, give me…”

"…I believe in a thing called loooooooooove!..*
“You have used 9 minutes and 45 seconds of voice mail. You have 15 seconds remaining.”
“… OOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, GUITAR!..” Huh? What? What the hell was that voice? Was that coming from the speakerphone??

“You have used 10 minutes of voice mail. Now disconnecting. Thank you.” click


Yes, it seems that I had always figured that when I’m using the hands-free device, closing the phone would hang it up. But no, it was the other person hanging up that actually did it. So when I’m leaving a message and I close the phone, the line stays open.

I walk into my office a bit later, and there’s my entire department gathered around my manager’s desk. He’s got the speakerphone cranked, and it’s just Dance Party Fricking U.S.A. there. :o Someone spots me walking in, and the applause starts. Lighters are flicked. I casually remind them that office shooting sprees have probably been prompted by less, but all in all, I take it in stride.

Better believe I made sure my boss deleted that voice mail, though.

Somebody please tell me they’ve been burned by an un-hung-up phone before. I’d hate to think I was the only one. :slight_smile:

Oh my God. That was the best story I’ve read on here for a looong time. Good on ya!


That’s a great story. Classic. :slight_smile:

<flicks a lighter>

There’s only one thing to say …

Free Bird!

Rent Disclosure.

That was just too funny. The voicemail system allowed ten whole minutes of audio? Boy, that’s cruel.

Ha! That’s great.

I’ve had my phone accidentally call someone while it was in my purse - his number was on speed-dial and the right keys got hit. He then called me back and asked what that was all about, and I told him. Which resulted in the unfortunately awkward (VERY much so) conversation of…“So, uh, I’m on speed dial on your cell?”

He wasn’t a particularly ‘special’ friend, but I desperately wanted that to change…

Could you sing “Misty” for all the girls working late at the Circle K on Route 12? Thanks.


By any chance, would you have been listening to WJSE 102.7? I’m visiting family in NJ right now, and I could have sworn I heard all of those songs on that station earlier this morning.


Well, I once called my then-girlfriend-now-wife for about 9 minutes, from my trouser pocket.

I was in Holland, she was in the US. And my company pays the phone bill.

My boss wasn’t too pleased the next month, when the bill came in. :eek:

Don’t think I sang, though.

My old cell phone was in the habit of dialing itself while in my fanny pack… so many times I would see I had a message and it would be a three minute recording of my stereo!


Hi-larious. :cool: Help me out, though–what are the songs in the OP?

You are my new hero. Behind Ken Jennings.

The first one is Somebody Told Me by The Killers.
The second one is Cold Hard Bitch by Jet.
The third one is I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness.

What do I win?

A friend of mine accidentally called her mother-in-law from the beach. She doesn’t like her mother-in-law. She’s not shy about telling other people that she doesn’t like her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law now knows this.

I told the story of Cinderella into my dad’s dictaphone [tm] when I was 5 or so, and he played it for everyone at work, and did so again about 12 years later when I was working for him for the summer…

Not quite the same thing, but still :o

Well thanks for the kind words, all. I’m glad you got a smile out of my deep, deep shame. :wink:

No, that’s out of Somers Point, which is well out of my reception range.

I rarely listen to one radio station for more than two or three songs. I think this was a combo of 92.3 K-Rock, FM-106.3, and 95.9-The Rat.

And you’ve got me curious, Ethilrist. I’d doubt I’ll be seeing Disclosure anytime soon, so would you mind spoiling the scene you’re talking about?

And now, to take us out of this post, we’ve got more of “Hal’s Way The Hell Off-Key Karaoke Party”!

Gabba gabba! We accept you! We accept you! One of us! Gabba gabba! We accept you! We acce…

…working for a big organization can prove to have its disadvantages…

Klaus (name possibly changed to protect the not-so-innocent )was talking with one of the Banquet Sales Co-ordinators on the Speaker Phone (with the handset off the set-rest, important for later) , trying to be polite, but obviously slightly annoyed…

…towards the end of the conversation, he said his good-byes, slammed down the phone, and then yelled at the phone “B*TCH!!!” To his horror, he heard in the background a slightly muffled “Hmmph”, then the click on the line as the Co-ordinator hung up on her end… Klaus just kept staring at the phone, utterly mortified, every couple of minutes he would say “should I call her back?” “Should I apologize?”

In the meantime, me and the head bartender were cracking up laughing… not the best response, I know, but hey, it was funny…

My brother used to have me on speed dial (or something), and every once in a while I would get a call from his phone because a button had accidentally been pressed. So one day, I check my cell to see that I have a message, so I start playing it and can kind of hear someone talking, so I assume that it is just a bad recording and start listening really closely. Suddenly a moment of silence.


Goes the sound of a healthy stream of liquid.

Why yes, this is probably not a purposeful recording.

Michael Douglas fails to shut off his cell phone after calling to leave a message on somebody’s answering machine, then he and Demi Moore get it on… with lots of talking…