For the win!
Your insincerity has caused your trousers to oxidize at an alarming rate.
Your father was the posterior of a genus Equus, and your mother was an enlarged sexual entrepreneur.
If I received a metallic disk with a monetary value for each incident of your actions that could be construed to be not planned with sufficient intellectual rigor, I would have a great many such metallic disks.
While I have experienced pleasureable activities during the late portion of the day, I experienced little enjoyment this evening.
I have noted many resemblances between your father and an Earth rodent of the subfamily Cricetinae, while my nose, which is ten times stronger than that of a human, could not fail to detect around your mother a powerful odor of plants in the genus Sambucus.
You have the emotional control of a human, social grace of a Tellaride, and peaceful demeanour of an Andorian.
I wouldn’t mate with you if you were the last sentient in the galaxy and I was deep into the most powerful Pon Farr ever experienced.
Actually, QuercusMax beat you to this one.
Moreover, he got it in the correct order: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
To paraphrase Elendil’s Heir:
I fart in your general direction.
Ah, he certainly did. I also spent about five minutes working on “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don’t know,” before realizing there’s no insult in there. :smack:
It is my conjecture that your mother is no stranger to the embraces of various domesticated mammals.
I understand that you, not appreciating the anatomical details of the human reproductive system, have attempted copulation between differing components of your own body. Not understanding the social taboos of your own society, you have attempted the same with your siblings, your parents, and your offspring.
You are so deficient in intellect, that when instructed to bring back a fruit-filled baked pastry, you search for a rational sum for the ratio of the circumference of a circular area to that of a straight segment that passes through the center of the circle and whose endpoints are on the circumference.
Please perform fellatio upon me at once.
If my domesticated canine possessed a countenance similar in appearance to yours, I would remove the hair from the vicinity of its anus and instruct it in the art of perambulating in the opposite direction to which it was facing.
Kindly fornicate in a direction that increases your distance from me, and then expire.
Help me with this one, guys.
I am stealing from Winston Churchill, who was told by a woman at a dinner party, “Sir, you are drunk!”
Winston: “Yes, Madame, and you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”
Betazoid: I sense, Sir, that you are intoxicated.
Vulcan: Affirmative, and you are extremely unattractive. In twelve hours, my chemical imbalance shall be rectified. You physical imbalance, however, shall not.
Your mother enters Pon Farr out of season.
You are so markedly unattractive that I would guess that even my ship’s captain would not make sexual advances on you.
Your mentality is so odious that, only the survival of my ship (as opposed to my own life) in a crisis would prove sufficient incentive to mind-meld with you.
I find tribbles to be more charming and intelligent than you.
Although the U.S.S. Enterprise’s mission is to explore new worlds and study unfamiliar life forms, I would prefer for an exception to be made in the case of you, your species, and indeed your entire planet.
This is very good. All I would do is change the second imbalance to deformity or disfigurement.
Betazoid: I sense great feelings of hostility in you. If I were your wife, I would put poison in your Syntho-coffee.
Vulcan: Counselor, in the unlikely circumstance that we were engaged in a relationship and you made the highly illogical decision to poison my Syntho-coffee, I would consider imbibing it to relieve myself of your company, which I find displeasing.
It would appear that you have over-indulged in certain beverages which have impaired your cognitive functions.
Affirmative, but your appearance is far below the standards which most sentient beings find acceptable. However, after I have completed my overnight rest period the clarity of my thought processes will return to its normal levels. You, however, will still be afflicted with your unfortunate lack of a pleasing countenance.
Not bad…Endil? Cochrane?
Your maternal unit creates sewn footwear objects from yarn which radiate great odiferiousness.
Your intellect compares unfavorably to that contained in a regular polyhedron partially filled with geologic samples.
Your intellect compares unfavorably to the least lumen emitting element in a series of lumen emitters.
Your neural calculating center is deficient by several orders of magnitude compared to the mean number of neurons in the calculating centers within the polulation as a whole.
At the time of your expulsion through the vagina of your maternal parent, the attending physician struck the incorrect orifice in an attempt to stimulate your respiratory system.
If your intelligence quotient were expressed as units of temperature, contrary to ensuring you admittance to Mensa, it would instead approximate that of an indoor environment which most Earth natives would find pleasing and comfortable.
Your packaged children’s meal from a restaurant which specializes in efficiently prepared and quickly served food is deficient several fried slices of a starchy tuberous crop.
All of the illumination devices in your domicile have completed circuits, however it is currently unoccupied.