Are Vulcans lousy in the sack?

Puritanical outlook and looonngg dry periods between lovins’ do not (IMO) make for good lovers, and yet in the last Enterprise the horny Vulcan Science Officer, Subcommander T’Pol, is bragging that the Doc “doesn’t know what he’s missing”.

I suspect that Vulcan sex (as written) might be fiery but not very imaginative or “fun” and that Vulcans overall would be pretty mediocre lovers.

Is this suspicion correct?

Now Andorians are a different story! We’re talking some hot lovin’ there.

Have you ever seen a Vulcan dance?

Speaking from personal experience, you are totally wrong on both counts.

I know nothing about it, but my understanding was that the mating period was pretty intense, so who knows. One might imagine that the Vulcans would, once they got around to the lovin’, be quite skilled and efficient. And they do have superhuman strength and such- perhaps they’re superhuman in other ways?

Mr. Spock, in the episode “Amok Time” describes the Ponn Farr as “a time when our logic is ripped from us,” and the Vulcans we have seen in the grip of this biological phenomenon tend to be pretty, um, passionate…

…so I’d say they have major screaming howling monkey mookie-oonoo, and then feel ashamed about it afterwards.

Probably accounts for their stick-up-the-ass attitude the rest of the time, really.

[raises eyebrow] You misunderstand. The smacking of burlap on burlap sound to which I alluded requires no hessian of any kind, nor indeed any bag other than what is currently undeniably extant.

The Hell do German mercenaries have to do with it?

And here I was thinking more along the lines of them ears.

I mean, they must get those ears from either being so good at oral sex that the partner in question in hanging on for dear life, or they’re so lousy at it that only constant redirection of their efforts by the partner gets them anywhere at all.

Well, hell, that was six steps forward and half a dozen back, wasn’t it?

[sub]And further, one wonders if all that green blood causes erectile tissue, for both sexes, to take on a “discoloration” during arousal.[/sub]

The wonders of copper-based circulatory systems… Please erase this image from my mind! :smiley:

A salmon will spawn pretty intensely, but when all is said and done, it’s still a cold fish. Vulcan sex only serves a “logical” procreative imperative, so it’s basically fundie sex with temporary “amokness” replacing the shots of Southern Comfort as a rationalization. Probably lousy.

Well, the physical aspects are tricky, but since the Vulcans are telepathic, one assumes “mind-fuck” is actually considered a powerfully positive term.

It also depends on who’s judging them. I mean, your typical Vulcan probably thinks that humans are boring between the sheets (or on top of the sheets, or wherever else we may happen to be).

:eek: :eek: :eek:

The image of Mr.Spock having “major screaming howling monkey mookie-oonoo” Is going to haunt my nightmares for weeks now.

Thanks a bundle Wang-Ka!:wink:

Why must we assume that pon farr is the ONLY time Vulcans have sex?

Didn't Spock tell Droxine in TOS: "The Cloud-Minders" that he actually COULD have sex whenever he felt the urge?  Judging from his log entry, he seemed to be working his way toward being pretty hot for her.

Remember, Vulcans’ true nature is violent, tempermental, hot-blooded, and passionate. The “no emotions” thing is a CHOSEN way of life, NOT a genetic trait! Every Vulcan we’ve seen, including Spock, has displayed frequent emotional behavior and then attempted to cover it up. They HAVE emotions, they’re just not proud of it.

In private, I see no reason why they couldn’t be as sexual as anyone else. I suspect that pon farr is largely a result of telepathic bonding between people who are intimate. Notice that Spock went for almost 30 years between his betrothal and his pon farr… probably because he didn’t know the woman well, didn’t like her, wasn’t compatible with her, and never had sex with her.

I have no comment on this choice of phrasing or its appropriateness to this thread.

Romulans, esstentially the same species, *do not have * ponn farr.

They reproduce almost constantly.

So, in fact , it is likely to be a culturally ingrained factor.

I like your style Laughing Lagomorph :slight_smile:

:wink: :smiley:

Well, yeah. The evidence would seem to suggest that Vulcans were a lot like Romulans until they basically began reprogramming their culture and jamming sticks up their butts, figuratively speaking. They are not without emotion; they simply train to suppress it, all their lives.

They consider open displays of emotion distasteful at best, humiliating at worst. Considering how hard you have to work to ingrain this into a person, culturally speaking, I’d think that most Vulcans couldn’t relax in an intimate situation likely to elicit an emotional or spontaneous response. They’d freeze up. They’d get all logical, as a defense mechanism.

I’d think sex with a Vulcan would be about as much fun as your basic pap smear or hernia examination… unless Ponn Farr was rockin’, in which case it would certainly not lack for passion, but, I would think, at the cost of, say, restraint or any kind of technique.

Hence my turn of phrase, “major screaming howling monkey mookie-oonoo”.

I am, however, no expert in Vulcan psychology or physiology, and may well be wrong.

Although I also have it on good authority that their ears aren’t the only thing they have that’s long and pointy.

I discussed this thread with my wife, a moment ago.

Her observation: “Well, Spock was half human, right? His mother was human. We saw this in (the Original Series episode “Babel”.)
So what we have here is an Earth woman who married a Vulcan guy, despite the fact they’re only having sex once every seven years. That would say to me that the sex must be awfully goddamn good.”


“…but the actress who played Spock’s mother… that was Jane Wyman, wasn’t it? So Spock’s mother’s first husband was… Ronald Reagan.”


“Maybe she thought a Vulcan was an IMPROVEMENT…”

Shit, ear stroking sex with a Ferengi would have to be an improvement.