Wankers. Who do they think they are kidding?

My thoughts exactly

Ummm… Link?

…beg pardon?


I’ll be back in a tick with another OP. Hopefully.



Oh, of course, now it all makes perfect sense.

Prepare to repel hamsters!

You know the type. They’re the smartest and most accomplished of ALL human beings, and they love nothing more than telling you so.

Yesterday, waiting outside work for the boss to open the doors, I was chatting to one of my co-workers, when another bloke interrupted to say that he too suffered from a hearing loss.

“Oh, really?”, I replied, “What sort of hearing disability do you have?”

An innocent enough question, but it opened the fucking floodgates on this gentleman’s ego.

"Well, I have a profound hearing loss in one ear that came about after I had mumps, twice, when I was a child…I was very dangerously ill you know, but anyway, it hasn’t stopped me because I now speak 7, that’s SEVEN languages fluently, and I’m currently studying Hebrew as well, and oh, I also play the violin and the flute to concert standard, and I’ve sung in professional choirs all over the world, and YES, that IS amazing of me isn’t it, and oh, I’m heading over to Palestine (or maybe the Congo) in the next few months because I’m a member of the UN diplomatic corps (no, I’m not a soldier, I’m a DIPLOMAT ya know) and YES, I am incredibly successful aren’t I and NO, my hearing loss does not affect my wonderful abilities in the diplomacy-field, because I am fluent in SEVEN languages and of course, I can lip-read all of them as well, and anyway, all of my staff understand my disability so they assist me whenever I need it and next year I’ve been given an opportunity to play with the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra and…so on and so forth.

Now, for those of you who don’t know, I’m a telemarketer. And Mr. Wonderful is also a telemarketer, working on the phones just like me. Indeed, I HAVE met some extremely intelligent and talented people at my work-places, some between professional jobs and some working while they finish their degrees and Ph D’s. But mostly, telemarketing is the job you do when you don’t have the skills or the talents to do much else.

So, why the fuck do people do this? Why do they spin so much bullshit and spew self-aggrandisement with every utterance? Don’t they realise that people can see right through them, and rather than winning them friends instead serves to send people away sniggering about the Wanker? I avoided him like the plague for the rest of the day, and I noticed others doing the same…obviously, he’s been in their ear as well.

I s’pose I should feel sorry for him, but I just couldn’t stop laughing later about his pathetic spiel.

(Now…hopefully THIS will not get devoured by the rodents).


That is a very misleading thread title.

You talkin’ to me? huh?

And here I was about to post that whatever else you could say about Peggy Bundy’s relatives, they never put on airs.

Peg: “Now, I want the car to look nice for this year’s Wanker County Parade.”

Al: “How nice does it have to look?! This year’s theme is 'Thumbs-show 'em if you got ‘em!’”

I’ll say. I read it as “Kidder. Who Does She Think She’s Wanking?” and thought Margot was angling for a comeback in the new Superman movie.

Sorry for the confusion then. :stuck_out_tongue:

Down here, the term ‘wanker’ does not just mean an individual who indulges in physical self-stimulation and gratification.

More commonly, it refers to an individual who gets his jollies by strutting around with a superiority complex…generally aquired by the individual coming to believe the bullshit he churns out.

‘Wanker’ in AusSpeak = Bullshit Artist.

Hope that clarifies things for ya. :wink:

Well, yes, exactly.

So what was your problem with me, again?


Good HELL! And I thought my ex was dead!

No wait you said he was deaf… sorry my ex was blind.

Any credibility you may have had, or empathy you may have induced, was destroyed with this sentence.


If you want to rant against telemarketers/telemarketing, there’s a plethora of other threads for you to add your valuable contribution. Take your indignation there please.

In case you hadn’t noticed, I mentioned my occupation (and that of the Wanker) to highlight the absolute idiocy of this bloke blowing his own trumpet whilst working at such a dead-end job.

Get it?

Nah…didn’t think so ya bloody wanker.

I know where you are coming from. When I was working in Sydney at a university - as I was going to use the photocopier, I saw a man using our departmental photocopier that I had never met before. So I introduced myself and asked if he was a student teacher (we used to get students of all ages, mostly mature, doing their teaching placement with us so was used to this situation). The guy splutters out something about how ofcourse he wasn’t, he was much too old to be a student and that he had a phd! I explained that we had students of all ages but by then he was storming off.
I called him Mr Phd from then on because he never did tell me his name. He was turned down for a permanent job thank god, but only because the manager was on to it and got some feedback from students and staff.
For crying out loud, why are some people so defensive and quick to list their crudentials? I think it really is indicative of poor self-esteem, but sometimes it is hard for me not to let my ego get offended and respond in like. I did well on this particular occasion.

I imagine working at a telemarketing shop to be like living on a planet out of a Phillip Dick novel that has been populated by the refugees from a wrecked intergalactic mental hospital. How accurate is that perception?

How long has this guy been in telemarketing? Is he any good at it? I have a feeling he spouts the same drivel to customers and never makes the sale.

As much as I’d just love to be able to say that your perception is not at all far off the mark, I’m going to have to disappoint you I’m afraid.

While some of us certainly fit your description to a tee (:smiley: ), for the most part, telefundraisers are just a bunch of your average Joes and Josephines.

Because of the casual and flexible nature of the work, it suits people who have somewhat itinerant habits…so we get lots of students, lots of people in the entertainment industry (actors, comedians and techies between jobs) and people who are trying to start up their own businesses, but just can’t quite make enough to actually live-on yet.

We also have a number of more mature people, retrenched from positions of seniority and responsibility when their company downsized or folded, having tons of wisdom and experience, but because of their age are automatically turned down for more mainstream jobs.

The company I work for also employs people with physical and intellectual disabilities who would have little chance of securing a job elsewhere. We have young mothers who do the housewife thing all day and then work at night when their partners are home to do the babysitting. We have teachers waiting to get a placement. We have all sorts of ordinary people just trying to make ends meet.

We also have a few complete fucking loonies. :smiley: