I can’t afford diamonds, but I can give you a pearl necklace
I was at a McDonald’s once and this really old bus driver hits into this Mexican girl. He says something like “Sorry for butting into you” and then he looked at her and added, “Not that I’d mind butting you.”
So the girl just jumps his bones right there and they do it ON THE FLOOR! The girl was soooo skanky, she probably does that a lot. I heard later that she was a Cubs fan, so I figured that explained it. 
I had a British friend who loved to use these types of bone-head lines with American women. I guess he thought his English accent would bring him success. It never did.
Two that I remember.
Him: Hello, love. Wanna fuck?
Her: No!
Him: Well, would you mind lying down so I can have a go at it?
And:
Hello, Love. What say we go in halves on a baby?
It’s “get your coat love, you’re pulled.”
And it got passe.
Not that I’ve heard it often, but when I have, it’s always Mangetout’s you’ve pulled (which I think is inherently much funnier because of the overweening arrogance of the puller, so to speak).
Hmmmm… funnier my way, I think; your way is the guy telling the girl that she has been selected; my way, it’s the guy mock-grudgingly responding to his assumption that the girl wouldn’t make any other choice; sort of like Benedick’s “Come, I will have thee; but, by this light, I take thee for pity.” in Much Ado About Nothing.
I heard a great one the other day courtesy of a day laborer on a job I was working:
“I went to a club last night…man, there was this chick there…She was so fine I had to go home and fuck my wife.”
Classic.
The part of “her” in this exchange to be played by Mustafa from “Austin Powers.” 
Spoken by my ex-wife (while we were still married, but not very happily) to me because I thought highly of myself in the game of Trivial Pursuit.
“If you can answer this question right, I’ll think about having sex with you.”
My response…
“The Nile River…and don’t bother” uttered while picking up the dice for another roll.
I had a work buddy who I once saw walk up to a woman at the bar, shake his head as if in slight annoyance, and say “Look, I’m really horny, so let’s just go, okay?”
And she went.
And I am led to understand that later, she indeed went.
Needless to say I was gobsmacked. Never had the nerve to try it myself, however.
I’ve worked in a jail so I’ve overheard a lot of stuff. This was by male inmates, directed at female inmates, not at me. Just so ya know.
(inmate stroking mustache) I’ve fixed you a place to sit, sugar.
Why don’t you c’mere and put some stank on the hangdown?
You need some of the rootapotamus, don’t ya?
I’d like to lick it and stick it.
I got a free moustache ride for you.
We need to polish your desk (ok, that one was directed at me, but it was a deputy, not an inmate.)
Overheard at a high school:
We need to bump uglies.
variation on phrases involving “knocking boots.”
She can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe.
Why not? Nobody else wants to do you.
Oral Sex: it’s a dark and dirty job but somebody has to do it (this was on a kid’s T-shirt. It was hard not to laugh.)
Everyone has to have their guilty pleasures, right? Especially when it comes to nostalgia. Unfortunately, fot this one time, our guilty pleasure ambushed us. Damn you, George Michael!
I’d mention more of the spectacular :rolleyes: seduction techniques employed by the first guy I dated, (dumped him at age 14 after almost two years) but I’d rather not upset Qadgop. Instead, I will just say that when your 14-year-old girlfriend has bad cramps, is tired, and just wants to go home, stopping the car and whining, “But I’m hornyyyyy!” is the lamest possible thing to say EVER.
Yes, but what if you are in fact really horny?
I didn’t say it wasn’t ACCURATE, I’m sure he was. I just said it wasn’t particularly… compelling. 
It was for him. Damn cold hearted women… grrr…
My boyfriend is 19. I’m hoping he will grow out of saying that any day now. 
Most unromantic thing that’s been said to me -
Him - “I’m never going to propose to you. ha ha ha!”
Me - “Why?”
Him - “I want you to do it.”
Me - “No chance! That’s your job.”
I’m hoping he was only joking…
Just thought of another incident.
Him - Could you wrap the christmas presents for me? I’m terrible at doing it.
Me - Sure. But who are you going to get to wrap the presents you bought me?
Him - Could you wrap those too?
Oh my god, that’s terrible
I am laughing way too hard at that…
I asked my boyfriend if he fantasizes about me sexually and he said, “I work you into the rotation.”
Kind of insulting, that was.
However, when I’m in the mood for lovin’, I enjoy shrieking “GET HARD! WHY DON"T YOU GET HARD?” at him.
Now that’s romance.
ZJ