Wanted: Advice on Cremation Services

In My Humble Opinion
21

I think $1,600 dollars is a “plan.” My father had a plan too, and the whole thing altogether with transportation, return, and the urn suitable for a columbarium was about $1,500, in New York, in 1998. $500 was for the cremation itself only. If we had wanted him ground for scattering, it would have cost another something like $200, IIRC. A grave for ashes as I understand it runs about $400. It’s that cheap not just because it’s small, but because it’s just a couple of feet deep, and they don’t have to haul out any of the equipment for lowering the casket. Columbaria run higher or lower depending on whether they are underwritten, and whether the spots are in demand.

If you want to scatter in some really popular place, sometimes they do scatterings on a schedule, and fly a bunch of urns up in a helicopter, and don’t let the relatives do the scattering.

22

SF had a Neptune Society
I am now in Sacto, where a “Trident” (the “fork” Neptune carries) operation exists. This was the salesman (why are they always “in the neighborhood anyway, so why don’t I just come by”? Do they really think a person facing end of life has never heard that one?) calling about “dropping off some literature”.
I never contacted Neptune in SF, so I don’t know how they market their services.

Point is: If the $1600 price includes an $800 sales commission, the actual cost of disposal is less than $800. And that may include the “scatter over the ocean”. Or maybe the scatter is above the base $1600.

I’m going to guess that contacting a mortician to have him deliver the body to the crematorium and retrieve the ashes would be the most expensive way to go about cremation.

I think all States now have laws requiring embalming for any body they process. The dead used to be laid out in the home - the name 'parlor" was changed to “Living Room” to disassociate it from the dead.
Morticians got laws passed to prevent home burials.

Anyway: upshot is: there are specified ways a body can be transported. The fact that the mortician knows them and the families don’t means the families are more likely to call him instead of transporting the dead themselves.
Find out how to get a body legally from place of death to crematorium, and save a few hundred.

23

Broomstick, from your posts over the years it seems your husband has a variety of medical issues that a medical school may learn a lot from. Have you considered donating his body? You’ll receive the cremated remains, so it may be an option that covers your #1 request.

24

Bodies do NOT have to be embalmed. It’s against Jewish law to embalm a body, and I belong to the burial society locally, so I know. I’m pretty sure the only times embalming is required is when a body is being transported on a plane, or when it’s being transported across state lines. It may be required to fulfill other specific requests, like a long time between viewing and burial, for some reason-- states may have statutes about the time a body can remain unburied if it isn’t embalmed, but it certainly doesn’t have to be embalmed for an ordinary funeral, and I would be shocked if it needed embalming for a cremation. What would be the point?

25

Direct cremation is probably the way to go. Based on your location, I found thefollowing website(I guessed Gary as nearby). That seems like a reasonable option.

StG

26

I shopped around online and made a couple of calls. The least expensive cremation service in my area was about $1,000.

27

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

When my dad passed away in a hospital at about 1 in the morning, the staff made it clear to my stepmother that she did not need to rush getting his body moved from the morgue, so I don’t think you need to worry about that. I think it took her a few days to make the arrangements for his cremation. (I was not involved in any of the arrangements or planning his memorial service so I can’t offer any other advice.)

28

I work in the final expense industry (not for a funeral home, I deal with life insurance and other senior insurance) So I know a bit about this from the perspective of the person you are going to be dealing with. I noticed you are in Indiana. I happen to know a guy who’s a licensed funeral director in Indiana if you have specific questions about state specific legal stuff I can run it by him for you.

Know that when you walk into a funeral home you are walking into the same situation as when you go into a car dealership. Everything is negotiable and they are going to try to charge you as much as possible. Shop. Talk to more than one. It sucks, but treat it like shopping for a car and you will be in a better position financially. Expect to spend between $1500 and $3000 on a cremation depending on how many bells and whistles you want. I personally know people who have spent upwards of 7k on a cremation and people who have spent as little as $800, but those are unusual.

Does he have any life insurance on him? If not you may want to do what is called a Pre-Need funeral plan where you set up the funeral and start making some payments in advance (now is not the time to take out life insurance). If he does have life insurance and it’s been in force more than 2 years this is entirely unnecessary to do a pre-need plan, take the policy with you to the funeral home they can use it as collateral for the cost of the funeral. If you have specific questions about this feel free to let me know.

Sorry you are in this situation. It’s good that you are planning things now.

29

He is actually quite opposed to donating his body to science. He’s made that clear over the years for reasons he’s been quite eloquent in discussing. Doing so would truly be contrary to his wishes.

30

I’m very sorry you’re having to go through this, Broomstick

My mother and I did this when my father came home under hospice care. She let hospice know who she’d made the arrangements with and when he passed, hospice contacted them for the pickup.

Hospice was incredibly helpful in this situation. Dad was at home, but the nurses/aids would come as often as my mother thought necessary. When dad died, I called hospice (my mother had asked me to be the one to do this because of how I am/how I handle things). They sent their representative (I think she was a nurse, but I’m not certain), who verified the death, completed the info for the death certificate, and contacted the funeral home. Dad probably died shortly before midnight, and the funeral home had picked him up by…2AM at the latest? Hospice came the next day and collected their equipment.

Later that day, my mother and I had to go to the funeral home to clearly identify the body before he could be cremated. Neither of us expected this, which is why I’m telling you. They had him in the very plain container that would be cremated with him, and in one of the rooms in the funeral home - not in a morgue or anything. It was tasteful and he looked good, though of course they hadn’t done any of the prep they’d do if there was going to be a viewing.
Pricing - I want to say around $2000 total, including a visitation at the funeral home, but it’s been a couple of years, so I don’t remember exactly.

Dad was a veteran, so the internment was in the local National Cemetery and there was no cost for that. We didn’t do that until a year later, when everyone could be together. Until then, dad sat on a shelf in mom’s house.

31

Just wanted to follow up here and thank everyone for their contributions.

I found a “bare bones” (sorry, I didn’t invent the expression) cremation service. They will pick up the body and you can either order an urn through them or get the “sturdy cardboard box”. They are willing to arrange more elaborate things for you, but those are optional add-ons. The owner was willing to honor a couple of requests about the procedure and while not a lot of death certificates were included he was quite helpful about saying where to go for more and the cost of each (those “free” certificates you get with package deals are not actually free, you know, that’s part of the overall cost) It’s around $1,000, which is about the lowest price in this area. Most were running 2,000 and up.

I’ll be hanging onto the ashes, I’m not interested right now in “disposition” or a gravesite or niche or whatever. As I said, I have mom and dad at home, I expect I’ll be taking the husband along during the rest of my life, too. I’m not sure where the urge to “deposit” or scatter the ashes come from, but quite a few people I’ve spoken to seem to think there’s some need to do that quickly and I’m just not feeling it. I’ve had mom about 10 years now, for example. Part of the appeal of ashes in an urn is that if you move across the continent you can take your loved ones with you instead of leaving a gravesite a long way away you may never visit again. At least that’s how it works for me, very much your mileage may vary.

32

I just finished doing my arrangements and my husband’s as I wait for things to finish with me. I’m trying to make it as easy for my family as I can.

I went with the Cremation Society of Illinois, and I am doing direct cremation. They will pick me up, cremate me, put me in an inexpensive urn, and give me back to the family, who will then work with the church for my funeral, etc. I think I ordered 10 - 15 death certificates because I keep reading you need more than you think you do.

Picking up my body and taking it to the crematorium is included in the fee as long as you’re in a certain number of miles, and luckily, we are in the same city as one of their crematoriums, so that helps. The cost is about $2000, and it was the cheapest I found. I looked at funeral homes, and they also had direct cremations, but they were about $1000 more for the same thing, although I’m sure the funeral home was in a nicer building, but since I don’t intend to have a wake or anything the day before, I just couldn’t see paying the extra $1000 for no good reason.

The Cremation Society had a couple of different packages. For $400 more, or so, my husband and daughter could watch me in my cardboard box go into the crematory, and I couldn’t figure out why I’d want to pay more so they could see that. I tried to ask them if that was important to them, but even though I am doing this to try to make it easier for them, no one wanted to talk to me about it, or answer my question, so I made an executive decision that I wasn’t paying for it. I think they’re happy with that.

The cemetery has some regulations about the container, so I need to call and have them sent to me so my daughter has them when they’re needed. I think they want a plastic or metal non-biodegradable container of a certain size, but I imagine the crematorium is used to different regulations and won’t have a problem with these.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It just stinks.

33

I get this. I don’t have any people, but I have a very special dog in a can, and my husband has been instructed (as my son will be when he is old enough) to pour the ashes over my coffin when my time comes.

I don’t know what your own plans are, but I think it’s not against any funeral home laws to have the urns placed in a coffin with you (it’s against Jewish laws).

I am not comparing the loss of a husband to the loss of a dog, just saying I get wanting to keep the ashes around, and I don’t think it’s weird at all. Wealthy families used to have family plots on their estates, so basically, grandma was buried in the backyard. When that became illegal, and people were buried further away, and people became more mobile, of course alternatives to leaving dead relatives behind came up.

It’s as normal as visiting graves and leaving flowers.

34

I missed this originally.

((Broomstick))

Have you asked him about his wishes?

Just to follow up what Pai325 said, always get more death certificates than you think you’ll need. We got 20 when my aunt died and it wasn’t enough.

35

Good to hear you’ve got this under control now. Though I’ll add my sadness that you’re up (down?) to this point in the end-of-life process.

I’ve almost nothing to add to all the good advice above. But here’s something not mentioned that I’ll share here for posterity and whoever next needs similar advice.

When my Dad died unexpectedly in a hospital it caught everybody flat-footed with zero advance planning. It took several days for the various family factions to settle on a funeral home, burial vs. cremation, etc.

So for those days Dad was in the fridge in the hospital’s morgue. About day 4 they were calling and bugging us to get the body off their hands; they’re not set up for long term storage.

On day 5 family exhaustion set in and we ordered services from a local funeral home. The body was picked up from the hospital in the morning of day 6. With no further costs or repercussions.
Punch-line being: If you don’t have religious issues which demand prompt action, there’s not really a great rush to *need *to do something, anything, as long as it’s today.

Although in retrospect a lot of hassle & pain would have been avoided had he/we done the full pre-needs planning process. As you wisely are now.

We got 10 each for Dad and Mom. I still have 7 of one and 8 of the other.

I have no idea why people think they need lots of them. With the possible exception of life insurance companies, everybody I talked to was happy to accept a photocopy or a fax of the DC. Damn near nobody insisted on an official stamped DC.

This was in CA and AZ respectively. YMMV.

36

Well yes, they should return the certificates.

That wasn’t the case here in the UK.

37

It’s pretty much a commodity service. Go with the cheapest. Find your own decorative urn or container if you want one.

38

First, I’m really sorry we’re having this conversation. Really sorry.

We used a ‘bare bones’ service when my mother-in-law died and it worked out perfectly for us. We just wanted them to pick up her body, do the cremation and return the ashes to us and that’s what we got. Everything went very smoothly with no hiccups. The price was around the same you quoted.

You’ll be very glad that you did this in advance. There’s just no way you can be 100% rational immediately after a loved one’s death, so having all this arranged will make things much easier for you. Not easy, but easier. Sigh.

39

I’ve done the executor thing twice and had leftovers both times. I could never predict who would take a photocopy and who would hold out for a notarized certificate, though, so there was no way to be sure I had enough. I’ve heard they’re more expensive and time consuming to get later, so I’d rather be sure I had too many.

40

Of similar background I have told mein kind that I will haunt them forever if they spent more than a half-barrel and a quick burn to cast me much further. Heavily Reformed. Gets one kind they might shatter through the graveyard.

Tonight, Wife, as she asks to go on hospice, made me pledge I won’t stand in her way, as I wouldn’t make a dog go thru this. “Norco doesn’t make a dent in my pain.” “And why did you not mention this earlier? I wouldn’t put a dog through this,” to your nurse?

Apparently, despite decades of claims that I knew, or had any crap implanted, I thought some dogs
might be talking. Dylan was asking his mom to join him. I was ignoring all, but most I made scientific riggatoni was nonsense.