(warning: way TMI) I understand women just a little better today.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yesterday, as I was preparing to leave work, my wife and I determined, through a flurry of e-mails and text messages that:

  1. Neither of us felt like cooking.
  2. Nor did we want fast food (pizza or Popeye’s chicken being staples in which we have over-indulged lately).
  3. We wanted something delicious, dammit!

It was decided that we would meet at a nearby Korean BBQ place. As my work is closer to the restaurant than hers, I arrived about 25 minutes earlier than she. No problems, however, as my chariot is well supplied with entertainment: the latest issues of Discover and National Geographic as well as an autobiography by [Phil Lesh of the Grateful Dead.](” Amazon.com) (grate book so far, by the way…)

So eventually my wife arrives and we had Yang-yam Kalbi and Kimchi chi-gae; both pronounced to be “Mash-i-so!” by my darling.

We drive home.

I stopped at the mailbox to collect the day’s missives, then joined my wife in the kitchen shortly after she had gotten there.

Grabbing a drink of water, I noticed that something felt not-quite-right in the crotchal area. This, in itself, is not unusual (am I right guys?); things tend to shift around down there from time to time, and a slight adjustment is often needed.

I reached inside my bejeweled battle shorts to doctor the boys. And noticed moisture. Quite a lot of it, in fact. Blood! :eek I, a middle-aged male, have apparently reached menses!

I removed myself immediately to the bathroom and stripped for a closer look at the situation. I was soaked with blood… seemed like about half a cup of it, and more of it coming fast. WTF?

There was too much gore to easily identify the source, so I stepped in the shower to clean up a bit. After a bit of soap and water, I found the culprit: a pinpoint hole right smack in the middle of my scrotum! Again: :eek!

I think I ruined the towel I used to dry off with (though I did throw it and my underoos in the washing machine immediately upon having the situation under control).

Have you ever tried to bandage your bag, fellers? It’s not easy! I ended up wrapping a couple of paper towels around my privates until the bleeding finally stopped. And today I’m sitting here at work with more paper towels stuffed ‘neath my codpiece just in case.

The thing that gets me though: what the hell scratched my scrote?? There was no pain whatsoever, just a seemingly spontaneous geyser of blood. Weirdness.

So, women (if any of you have made it this far), I understand just a little better today…

2

That is one of the most horrifying things I have ever read. At least it didn’t hurt though!

3

Well, find out what caused it so you can be sure to do the same thing next month. And the month after that and the month after that and the month after that.

4

So, um… why didn’t you just borrow one of your wife’s “tools” for remedying the situation?

5

Wasn’t there another thread on this topic a few years ago? The culprit was a tiny hole in the scrotum. But weirdly enough, neither you nor the guy seemed all that worried about the fact that there was a hole gushing blood in your nether regions…

6

Three words: “Malaysian Copper Beetle”

These tiny horrors spend the better part of their larval stage parasitizing the gonads of male bovines, but have been known to infect humans from time to time. The beetles are peculiar in that they have two distinct breeding cycles. In addition to the more common “Boy Beetle hunts down Girl Beetle in the jungle and mates her silly” this species will also breed incestuously immediately after emerging from the pupal stage. Females then deposit an egg case and exit the host with their brothers.

Have a nice day.

7

Just doesn’t seem right that there wasn’t any pain. Not even a mild cramp?

8

Well… that certainly ranks amongst the top ten most skin-crawlingly disturbing things I’ve ever read.

9

:smack: That honest-to-Og never occurred to me!

10

Yeah, but how was the kimchi? I loves me some kimchi, but have trouble finding it. And bulgogi… mmm, bulgogi…

11

That makes no sense. They went to a Korean restaurant.

Astroboy14, you were acting kind of bitchy a couple of weeks ago. Now I know why.

12

That’s what my wife said. Bitch.

13

First, I think I’d avoid ever eating in that restaurant again…

14

Right, Shibb? Jesus!

A HALF CUP OF BLOOD?

I’d be on my way to the E.R.

15

Uh, yeah, I’d get that checked out as soon as possible if I were you…

16

I had some blood in my briefs this week, but it wasn’t much, and I can attribute it to a bad case of crotch-rot. Cruex, while painful to apply, took care of it.

17

I don’t think it had anything to do with the restaurant… judging from how fast I was bleeding, I think it must’ve happened either at the mailbox or as I was getting out of the car in the garage. If it had happened at the restaurant, I would have been floating in my seat by the time I got home.

I did, very briefly, think ER when I first noticed the issue, but the mental picture of staggering in and announcing to the (with my luck) female doctor that I was bleeding from my 'nads squelched that right away!

I seem to be better today, anyways.

18

And don’t forget to have a chest so tender no one can touch it, lower back pain that throbs, cramps to the point of nausea, bloating, and an inexplicable sense of turmoil and sorrow that causes spontaneous weeping. See you next month!

19

To you keep pens in your pants pockets?

20

So that’s it! I thought I was just fat… :slight_smile: