Male masculinity is at once terribly strong and macho to the point they cannot be expected to control their sexual urges and also incredibly fragile, so the sight of a nude male athlete on the cover of a sports magazine upsets them to the point of nausea.
OP, your mom is afraid for her future needs and asks for help and your response is to worry about your penis.
Announcing that you’re taking your shorts off is subtle now? I HAVE been out of the loop. :smack:
It does?
Didn’t bother me, though the water thing just doesn’t work for me, doesn’t fit the football theme.
No we don’t! 
(Kidding. I do think the (on topic) responses in this thread have been sincere though.)
I still say, since you think this may have been a subtle pick up line, you subtly tell him you’re not interested in men (by bringing up women you are attracted to), and then get back to talking about your mom.
It seems the same subtlety of a woman mentioning a boyfriend when she thinks a guy may be hitting on her.
They are now:
“I’m trying to get my cookies out of the oven” = I’m calling you whilst taking a massive dump
“I’m trying to get my kitty off the counter” = My scrotum is stuck to my leg with sweat