Was I subtly propositioned by a gay man today?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Quick backstory-my mother (mid 80’s) just moved out of Florida back north for the summer. She has been concerned about finding someone up there who can be an
emergency contact.

She found one, a guy we’ll call Fred. 2 days ago she was insistent that I contact him, just to say hi and such. [Note: in case you couldn’t tell, my mother is inconsistently naive about certain things…] My intuition was pretty strongly leaning against the entire (ahem) proposition [/foreshadowing], but she ultimately convinced me, so I sent a short terse text message thanking him for volunteering to keep an eye on her.

He called me back, and we had a short but slightly awkward conversation-I mean, I don’t know this guy from Adam, what am I going to say? So I hung up, pretty much forgot it…

Except that he called me again this morning-while I was at work, where I cannot field calls while on the clock.

During lunch I listened to his message, and it was the same basic kind of rambling nonspecifics that I got on the call the day before-except, right in the middle of it, he announced that he was “taking his shorts off”…

Now, I’ve been around enough to know that gay men will often send out not-so-subtle hints when they think they have a chance at a nibble. Mom confirmed tonight (she was pretty apopleptic to be honest when I told her what he said) that she had told him that I am a single male in my 50’s (not, gay, for the record- she said he was 47 and also unmarried, note). I had one do this in college, just walked up to me and started chatting in these kinds of generalities, until I finally told him I wasn’t gay and wasn’t interested in such things. He then hurriedly gave me this card for some charity and awkwardly departed. That way they have plausible deniability if their feeler goes unrequited.

Is that what happened here, do you think, or did I read too much into a comment which very well may have been innocent? Elsewise it seemed like an invitation to (eventually) go the phone sex route, at the very least…

In any event I convinced her to be very circumspect in any further dealings she has with this guy, if any.

2

Sounds like the normal place to start talking about some past girlfriend or some hot woman you are interested in. Maybe just a hot actress.

3

Don’t most people do this, gay or strait?

I think you are reading to much into this. Also phone sex is soo last century.:smiley:

4

Every time I’ve been propositioned by a gay man he just straight up asked me “Are you dating?”

5

Sometimes, when I get distracted from the conversation that’s going on, on the phone, I will announce the thing that is distracting me: “Hold on, I’m trying to get these cookies out of the oven” or “Hold on, trying to get kitty off the counter.”

Are you sure that’s not what happened in your case?

6

Why? Because he might be gay? I mean, worst case scenario here is that he actually did try to hit on you. So what? I might be prejudiced (OK, I am prejudiced) but if my elderly mother were on her own in a strange city, I would rather have a gay man looking in on her than a straight man, all other things being equal.

7

Well, are you?

8

It sounds like your mother wanted two people who are important to her life to have had contact with each other, and she inadvertently gave the guy the impression that she was playing matchmaker. I don’t think that she did anything wrong; she just values friendships. Do you think he did anything wrong? It sounds like your mom told him that she knew someone a lot like him, and there may or may not have been some ambiguity in what she said.

Maybe the guy is just socially awkward, but let’s just say that he’s gay and checked you out. Who cares? How is this a threat to your mom? Do you think he’ll talk her into transitioning and then hit on her, marry her and take her money? Does he pose a threat to her that you haven’t told us about? Seriously, look at it from your mom’s perspective and tell us what would be best for her.

9

I missed this the first time around.

Wow dude, really? :dubious:

10

“Cookies out of the oven” and “kitty off the counter” sure sound like code phrases to me.
mmm

11

Isn’t it… cute… how irrationally defensive straight guys can be.

12

Why is this irrational? If the OP was a woman under similar circumstances, most people responding to this thread would agree that the guy was being skeevy. Straight or gay, you keep your shorts on when first being introduced to someone to whom you’re ostensibly trying to extend a kindness.

13

Business opportunity blown. You can get a buck a minute for talking dirty on the phone.

14

Because he called me. Do you typically call someone if you are in the middle of a bunch of tasks which otherwise require a lot of attention? So, right in the middle of a call that he initiated, he says what he said (doing what he said he was doing). That doesn’t raise any red flags for you, at all? :dubious:

Note she more or less had just met the guy while she was in the middle of a move, so it’s not like he’s some long-term trusted friend.

It’s how he went about it which weirds me out, and makes me wary of whatever else might be lurking behind his facade. In any event she was probably even more skeeved out that I was.

Listen, I know this is the Dope, and people often post just to be contrary. Whatever.

15

The guy could be gay and trying to find out your orientation, or he could just be a socially inept jerk.

My first reaction to your post was that it was homophobic, but I now understand that you are trying to protect your mother. Yeah, moms can be naive. Mine made best friends with a drug addict.

Being propositioned isn’t really a big deal. Women get skeevier come-ons thousands of times over our lifetimes.

16

John DiFool - yes, I think you were (not so subtly) propositioned. As was commented, he maybe thought mumsy was trying to set you two up. You didn’t take the bait.

Now, I will say there is no need to call out the national guard. He thought you might be a potential dating partner, you are not, life goes on. That said, if he keeps it up (snicker?) then it’s “sexual harassment”, yah? But, if he makes a try, you say no, and he doesn’t do it again, that’s all one can ask.

I’ve had enough experience in getting hit on by gay guys that it doesn’t raise my hackles. A simple, “No thanks” (just like with telemarketers) is sufficient.

17

Well, I mean, trust your gut I guess. But a one off comment doesn’t raise my flags. Nor does it fit the profile of a perv. I get the sense that most pervs aren’t going to let it drop with just one comment. I think they would press the issue until they got a response.

Also, I think gay men have to be very subtle in the way that they flirt or “test the waters” simply because of all the bigotry associated with gays. They can’t just openly flirt like straight people can, because if they do, they’re likely to get a very strong negative reaction (if not a violent one). For that reason, I think they have been conditioned to be very subtle in how the feel out potential mates.

18

Sometimes yes.

No, not really.

I still think you are reading too much into this, but then I have little idea about how one flirts.

…shrug…

19

If it had happened to me, I would have assumed he was both gay, and socially inept.

Actually, if it had happened to me, I would not have noticed, since I have the least functional gaydar in the US. But pretend I did notice - OK, he misread what your mother was up to. It happens, we both laugh nervously and change the subject. Whether or not the fact that he is socially clueless makes him a bad contact for your mother, I couldn’t say.

Regards,
Shodan

PS -

Are you sure you’re not gay? :eek: :wink:

20

They’re hot, aren’t they.

And moist.