And by the way, I did explain our seating policy after they were obviously so very offended at my failure to seat them right away, needless to say, that did little to pacify them. They truly wanted to believe they were being victims of racism at that exact moment, and nothing I could say was going to convince them otherwise.
I went to Home Depot a while back. I had a question about something and went to the first customer service person I could find. He was talking to a couple of people so I just hung back and waited for him to finish. We made eye contact several times so I know he knew I was there.
So I was kinda surprised when, after he was done helping the first two people, he asked a woman standing behind me if he could help her. Being a quiet, nonconfrontational person, I sorta stepped to the side, not sure of what to do. Should I go hunt down another customer rep person? Should I hold my ground and wait some more?
He finished with the woman and started walking away. I followed him, saying in my most polite, timid way “Excuse me, sir? Can you help me?” But he ignored me. He ignored me goddammit and then went to help someone who flagged him down from one of the aisles. Frustrated, I went to go find someone else to help me. Sorry if this offends anyone, but I went to find a black person. I was fed up and didn’t care about being nicey-nice anymore.
I don’t know if my race came into play. Or maybe I was too timid and he really didn’t see me. But by golly, that shit hurt my feelings. Even if he wasn’t being intentionally rude, I couldn’t help but think that he didn’t want to talk to me because I was the wrong race.
When you’re black, it’s awful hard not to automatically think of racism when something is suspicious. I mean, imagine how you would feel if you are constantly finding yourself in situations where you’re the minority. Imagine how you would feel if you know a significant chunk of the general populations carries negative feelings about your group. Imagine how you would feel if overt discrimination against your group was business as usual just a generation ago, and still is in some places. Why shouldn’t you automatically be suspicious when you’re treated in a weird way? I haven’t met a single white person who is not afraid of walking the streets of downtown Newark for the EXACT same reason. White people have told me about their fear and I’ve nodded my head in sympathy. I know how it feels to stick out like a sore thumb and be paranoid about it.
I once gave a Sikh guy that I didn’t know a ride home. He asked “what are you?” and when I told him, he launched into a tirade about how black people are niggers who only have sex and do drugs. Mind you, I didn’t know this man from Adam and I–one of the niggers–was giving him a ride home. After I dropped him off, I couldn’t help but think of all the thousands of other people who have thoughts just like that guy but are too chicken to say them out loud. That’s why I don’t think hypersensitivity is going to go away any time soon. You hear someone call you a “nigger” and it’s kinda hard to forget.
In fact, I think if I ever have children I will raise them as my parents (especially my mother) raised me: To never carelessly give people the benefit of the doubt when they fuck with you and yours. I will raise them to be polite and nice to everyone they meet, but I’m not going to give them that shit message that everyone is kind at heart. No, they are not. The world is full of people who will ignore you when you ask for help and then call you a nigger (or whatever) when you go out of your way to help them. You’re best to look at everyone as guilty until proven innocent. It’s a sad message, one that I don’t fully believe, but the alternative–trust that everyone will respect you and be nice to you–is a damn lie.
Really? Some of us were raised not to bother strangers until you’ve been introduced or it’s an emergency(or you need to say “excuse me” to get by them of course). Anyone of any race wandering around talking to everyone they walk by is more likely to be suspected of a mental illness/deficiency than thought of as “friendly.” Perhaps there’s some truth to the stereotyping of New Englanders as “cold”…
monstro, that was a clear case of racism, and I’m sorry that it happened to you.
If I were a minority and it was happening to me, I would raise my voice (but not to the point where I was yelling) and keep pestering him until he acknowledged my presence.
The closest thing I’ve experienced to that was, when I was a child, it seemed common in places like grocery stores, for the cashiers to ignore children in a checkout line, or customer service line, and help the adult standing in line behind them. My mother told me not to take it, and if the cashier started helping the person behind me, to say something along the lines of “Excuse me, but I was here first.”
But of course, once I got older, I didn’t have to worry about that any more, so it’s not the same thing I know.
It bugs me when, I see people like you and Biggirl give blatantly clear examples of racism, and others argue that it’s all in your head.
If you would have said that it didn’t seem like the employee noticed you, or you were kind of far away and maybe he didn’t hear you, that’s one thing. But you said that the both of you made eye contact, he helped the person behind you and he ignored you when you tried to flag him down. I’d love to see anybody try to say that you imagined it.
Or, in Biggirl’s case, if she’s walking down the street, and somebody crosses it, then, it may be from racism, it may not. But if somebody sees her coming, clutches their purse, and is obviously trying to get away, that’s a different matter all together.