The spirits have enabled me to speak as the voice of fatherjohn. No further explanation is necessary.
I saw another SUV today.
The envy stirs within each time I see some lucky person driving one. I need one, you know, to make up for my extremely small penis.
Sadly, looking at my wallet, I see that I cannot afford to have one. What will I do?
I think I shall try to make everyone believe I hate them. That’s what I’ll do. Maybe I can find a message board where I can vent my frustration. Hopefully, it will be full of people who can’t think, so that I can make everyone hate them, too! That way, I won’t have to see as many.
Uh oh. These Straight Dope people seem to be smart. Definitely smarter than me, that’s for sure! What shall I do? They shoot down my arguments as fast as I can make them up!
I know. I’ll find a kjlsadjklasdf
Whoopsie! I forgot that I couldn’t type with my head up my ass! I’ll try to keep it out for the rest of the time I’m typing.
What I’ll do is find a website that’s an abvious parody. Then, I’ll quote it every chance I get! Even though it’s not relevant, if I quote it enough it lksHfkljashf;klasdkhf
Whoops! My sphincter slipped again!
Damn! They’re funnier than I am too. A lot. Maybe I should be like a parrot! I’ll just say what they say right back to them! Fortunately, I won’t have to think if I do that! Thinking’s harder these days, since I don’t get as much oxygen to my brain!
Speaking of brain…brain…fuzzy!
Gosh, I think that I’ll just continue to post useless things solely designed to stir things up! That’ll make me a very popular board personality, and thenakl;asdfkljhasdfklgfsegsdfgfgdfggsdg